It has been a really long week over here. I had the worst week at work – the kind that makes you wonder if you should just throw in the towel and go into furniture sales. And I’m not being funny. It was mostly because of drama with every single person in the building (patients, not staff) hating me because of two separate incidents (one group that went bad, and then one incident where I had to hold a large group of people in trouble = they got in trouble). And then part of me just started getting overwhelmed that there is so much hurt in the world, what good can I possibly do?
I have been in the field long enough to know that weeks like this come and go. Some days I feel like I’m making a huge difference in my patients and ultimately in the world. But other days I wonder if I even have a degree or any experience in this shit because it doesn’t feel like it. And that was this week.
Adding to it is the fact that I’ve been feeling really lonely lately. I have to keep reminding myself that it takes time to meet friends but I hate this part of it. I hate having to work for the friendships. Can’t we just jump in and wear sweatpants with no makeup? I hate working to get to that point, lol. I think I was a little more patient about it in SD and in NC slash didn’t care there because we didn’t know if it would be a permanent living situation, but here it is. We will [as far as we know/plan] be living here forever and I’m ready to have my group.
But I don’t have anyone. I’m in the awkward stage right now where you talk about surface-level things like the weather and you lie and say your day is good no matter how shitty it is. Frankly, I don’t see any of these acquaintances going anywhere and it’s easy to get a little hopeless.
I keep reminding myself this is normal, it takes time, everyone has bad weeks.
But it’s hard when you have a bad week and no friends to help re-build your confidence.
I will be ok. This too shall pass. I have made friends everywhere I’ve ever gone, and eventually we’ll make friends here, too. I just have to be patient.