I just realize that my life sucks. Actually, it's not that bad. I'm quite privileged to be in the position that I'm in (going to college and whatnot), and I'm blessed to have the things that I have. But something's not right...a certain malaise has crept over me. Mmmmmm, malaise. Sorry. Then it dawned on me: my life is incredibly boring. As Ashley so kindly reminded me last night at Cheddar's, I don't ever do anything. So now I am setting out to spice up my life a little bit, and here are 10 ways by which I can go about doing it.
10. Crazy alarm! I buy some weird alarm that I can program to go off randomly. I can only get out of bed when it goes off, and when it goes off, I have to get up and stay up for the rest of the day. If it goes off 10 minutes after I go to sleep, I have to stay up all night. If it goes off at 3:00 PM, I have to stay in bed until 3:00 PM. This could screw with my classes some, but who cares? It'll be awesome!
9. Unpredictable showers. Here's the plan: I make a wheel with a little spinning arrow on it (you know what I'm talking about), with different water temperatures on it. Whatever temperature it lands on, I have to take a shower at that temperature. One will be scalding hot, another will be freezing cold, another will be normal, and another will be nothing, which means I have to take a shower without water.
8. Make up my own language and speak and write in it exclusively. All the words will be some derivative of "feces." I'm not sure how it will work, but I'll worry about that later.
7. Become a member of the Church of Mario Van Peebles. Don't worry, it's not really a religion, it's more of a way of life.
6. Only eat those taquitos they serve in Disco and record my findings via video documentary. It'll be like "Super-Size Me", only better. I'll probably win a Nobel Prize or something.
5. Disregard inhibitions at least once a day. Have you ever been sitting in a class or listening to a speaker and thought, "you know, it'd probably be really inappropriate for me to say/do ___ right about now"? Well, it is now my goal to say/do ___ at least once every day.
4. Random disease day! Once a week I will flip through a pathology book and choose a random disease. Whichever one I choose, I have to act out its symptoms all day. It'll be swell! Although I'm not sure how I'd act out syphillis...oh well, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
3. Get naked in public once per day. This one's pretty self-explanatory.
2. Flip off every cop I see. This includes campus police and the real-deal state troopers. When they come to arrest me, I'll speak in "Fecalese", and they'll probably just walk away. Or maybe take me to a mental institution. Either one works, I'm not picky.
1. Memorize the collective works of Steely Dan. What can I say, it's always been an ambition.
There you have it, the top 10 ways to make my life more interesting. Now it's bedtime. I better get all the sleep I can, my alarm could go off at any second.
