So the unthinkable happened: Duke lost. Actually I was kind of expecting it. They weren't that good this year. Still, it sucks because now I've lost a lot of interest in the tournament. This weekend's games were very exciting, which helps, but it's not the same now that my team's no longer playing. Therefore, I have compiled a list of 10 ways to make this year's tournament more exciting. It's difficult because, like I said, the games have been great, but I'll take a whack at it nonetheless.
10. Teflon-coated courts.
9. 5-second shot clock.
8. Mandatory "one midget per team" rule.
7. Get that Spanish soccer announcer to do the Final Four. Make him say "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL" after every basket.
6. Make Dick Vitale remove one article of clothing every time he mentions an ACC team.
5. Make officials carry alpine horns instead of whistles.
4. Get rid of 3-point shooting contest at the Final Four; replace with breakdancing competition.
3. Get rid of women's tournament; replace with dishwashing competition.
2. Replace Michigan State with a pack of ravenous, starving wolves.
1. Prizes! National Champion: a million dollars! Runner-up: death!
