I guess this is just how I roll.

Days flying by - catch up, catch up. Reminisce. Analyze. Keep moving forward.

Stuck somewhere between motivation to do and to sleep. Accomplishing very little of either one. Is this even new?

Everything bores me and inspires me at the same time - and I either want to get up and leave, or sit and stare. Stuck between both.

Stuck.

Rehearsals and rehearsals and work and work and classes and classes. Lather, rinse, repeat. Routines don't hold inherent comfort. Restless.

Details that no longer stick out in my mind. Fleeting, unlasting.

February 17th marked our first off-book rehearsal for Pursuit Of Perfection for the Directors' Series. Cockett attended, and was apparently impressed with how far I had come, "considering how busy I am." That's me, Cockett; that's what I do. Hah.

I had my SOCS rep interview later that day. I challenged the interviewers to a napkin race/backwards alphabet competition...both of which I'm wonderfully skilled at, of course. I won, ha. I had them laughing the whole time. Definitely one of my favorite interviews of all time. I actually felt like they were giving me a chance.

And, look at that - I was accepted. :) Welcome Week 2006, here I come.

After work, I went straight to the Underground...and oh gosh, what a night. I have never sung along to Jon Rae harder in my life. They played 14 Years at my request; oh gosh, oh goodness, so huge...so many voices, just voices...

The Constantines played next, and I sang and danced almost as hard throughout their set. I don't understand how they are so solid, every single show.

February 18th was marked by more Directors' Series shows. Darby and I coaxed Graeme into joining us - who can deny free theatre? I should make special note: Kristen genuinely broke my heart in 100. Goodness. Anyway, Darby and I crashed their party (as per my typical doing, ha) and a lot of alcohol was consumed by all.

I had to open the store the next day, pooh. I had fun spending time with Darby though, it had been a pretty substantial while since I had last seen her.

The next day (February 20th) marked the first day of no classes for Reading Week. I had rehearsal terribly early in the morning for a "week off of school"...and attendance was crappy, at that. Argh. Also, that night, I was unable to secure a ride to attend the Sears Festival in Brantford. Ugh...next year, I truly truly hope...

February 21st brought morning work, and then re-filming for Lisa's multimedia class video project...I didn't throw my ass down an icy hill this time, thank you mother nature. Haha. The resultant video doesn't look too shabby, either!

That night, post-bath, the doorbell rang. After scrambling to find clothing, I answered the door...only to see Jeff and Amelia and Jon! They invited me to Boston Pizza for karaoke; I agreed, but needed to get ready first. Jeff and Jon headed out, and Amelia stayed...while I took my sweet sweet time getting ready, hahaha. JEFF SANG GETTIN' JIGGY WITH IT AHAHA. So much funnn.

February 22nd brought more morning work, and then a trip to the mall with Sophie...where I bought EVEN MORE UNDERTHINGS...when will I learn? Haha...oh boy. I'm keeping that goddamned store alive.

February 23rd began in a bit of a panic - I completely slept through my alarm...only to realize, shortly after waking up, that the morning rehearsal I thought I had was actually scheduled for the FOLLOWING day...phew. I worked with Emily that evening, for the first time in weeks. Such a fun girl to work with!

After I worked the night of the 24th, I went to the Underground again. Sailboats Are White...gosh, seriously, if Sex Drive Thieves sounded any fucking sexier I'd implode. And Hoosier Poet...ohhh Hoosier Poet, how I adore the sounds you make. So good.

The next morning (25th) I had an early rehearsal for Pursuit Of Perfection, and then I worked with Jen all day! Haha, I can't wait until she has her baby. :)

The next night, the 26th, I had an evening rehearsal for Pursuit Of Perfection again, followed by a morning rehearsal on the 27th. Ohhh rehearsals...I skipped all my classes that day, though. I dunno.

On the 28th I worked early in the morning, and went to class all afternoon and evening. Fucking night classes, grah.

March 1st marked the post-night class Trojan Women cast reunion at the Phoenix. Quite a few people managed to show up, actually...so good. Alexa is now engaged! Oh, time. I sang "I Will Survive" in my sketchy toga at Rick, dressed in his armor. I managed to be pretty entertaining to the crowd, who'd've thought? Several strangers complimented my voice, that was pretty awesome. Such a fun night.

March 2nd was another morning of work, and another full afternoon and evening of classes. Blah.

March 3rd began with more morning work, and then rehearsal for Pursuit Of Perfection. Then, I went with a group of friends to see Pippin. So very, very little clothing, eee...hahaha, the dancing during the bedroom scene, my GOODNESS did I ever laugh! The musicals that MMT puts on seem to have been getting progressively better - that is, the ones I've seen. I missed The Wiz last year, pooh.

March 4th was marked by tag-team rehearsing - first for As You Like It, and then Pursuit Of Perfection. Ah, exhaustion.

March 5th started with a very early morning rehearsal for Pursuit Of Perfection again, and then work with Julia all afternoon. I don't think I've worked with her since then, and apparently she's not going to be around for the summer! Bah.

I had a super late rehearsal on the 6th, for Pursuit Of Perfection again - 10pm! So laaate, whyyy...

On the 7th, I had a full day - rehearsals, classes...and a meeting which made for one very unimpressed girl, oh man. Jumping through the right hoops no longer means the same thing in this faculty, it seems. I came to this school for a reason, and now that reason is changing. I'll get my way, regardless - I'll fight to do so, again - but it's just unfortunate that these changes had to be made now.

Always fighting. It's not that I should have these things, it's that I'm determined to get what I ought to receive.

Stuck.

Anyway.

March 8th was our final dress rehearsal for Pursuit Of Perfection, and it went pretty well. Aside from ridiculously uncontrolled sound volumes, but hey, that's what rehearsals are meant for - to figure these things out, right? So it would seem, anyway.

March 9th was our first show, a matinee. Aside from forgetting to set one of my major props and having to dash off like mad to get it in time (OOPS), everything went wonderfully...well, actually, until the end, when the music volume was so loud during my final, very emotional scene...and it completely threw me off. I forgot the end of my last line of the entire show, and said something that made little sense, delayed, in place of it. As soon as I turned my back to walk away after the bow, I was sobbing. Ugh. Frustration.

So many familiar faces in the audience - Darby, Amelia, an abundance of classmates...support far beyond my gratitude.

That night, I went to Tap Haus after my night class to celebrate Sophie's birthday. It was a week prior, but no fun was lost! I only had one drink - I got chocolate martinis for myself and my lady Sophie - but hoooly crap was it ever strong, haha.

The next night (10th) was our second of three shows for Pursuit Of Perfection. The sound levels were better, thankfully. I could actually GET INTO character because I could focus during that scene, phew. I'm glad that was the show that was recorded, and not any of the other ones, haha...regardless of the fact that I forgot, yet again, to set a prop. A different one, but still. Hahaha. I heard sniffling throughout the audience; success. Also, the director (Heather) told me that her mother attended that show, and I apparently made her cry.

So huge.

The 11th brought a supremely long rehearsal for As You Like It...I was up far before dawn...eek. I had to leave rehearsal earlier than almost everyone else, for a quick run back to the stupid library...so sick of research essays, even though this one is the only one I've had this term, bah. Ruining my life. I managed to find two books on separate floors juuust before the library closed, thank goodness. Then, I dashed home to finish getting ready for the show I had that night.

I brought the cast pre-show celebratory shots, haha...good times. The show went really well, too. We invited all of the other casts + crews to our party, as our show and the show we were slotted with for the week were the last shows of the Directors' Series for the year. As per my prior major involvement in the Series, for the cast party, I brought and consumed another entire bottle of red wine. Uh, yeah...probably would've been a good idea to eat a FULL, REAL meal sometime throughout the day. I was home by 2am because of that, haha. It was a really fun party though! Shane's house was so packed that it was nearly impossible to move anywhere, hah! So much fun.

The next day (12th) I worked with Zach, and managed to survive my hangover, ha.

I felt strangely nauseous again on the following day, the 13th, so I skipped both of my classes that day. I missed going to the Phoenix with Cockett and my stage management class, baw.

The next morning (14th) I worked, then I had an interview...cross your fingers, I could really use that money. Phew. That afternoon and evening, more classes - both of which I wrote essays for. Both written the night prior. How I manage to do this, every time, I don't know. But I do. And, I get pretty awesome marks. Hah.

...So ready for school to be over for a while.

That night, actually, my night class professor decided to nap...and effectively slept through the first few hours of class, hahaha. Lisa invited me over to her place so I could watch Eyes Wide Shut - she had rented it, and we were required to watch it on our own time for said class. I still don't like Tom Cruise, bah. That night, we realized that her project partner Gabe is the same Gabe that used to be in As You Like It. He came over to Lisa's place to hang out with us; we went out for bubble tea, and ended up on a late, aimless drive, sitting silently amid blaring music and high speeds. And I could feel home again.

Stuck.

The next day (the 15th), following night class, I was determined to stay in and write an essay due the next day. Where did I end up? Hanging out with my pretend-adopted-baby-brother Phil, and Kevin and Brandon at Harvest Burger. I AM THE WORST STUDENT. The veggie burger combo I got was fucking tasty, though.

I procrastinated some more when I got home, and then decided that a nap was in order. I napped, and then began writing the essay in the wee hours of the morning. A few hours later, it was done.

...Seems I can't do schoolwork anymore unless some sort of self-torture is involved now.

That morning (the 16th, technically) I worked from 10 until 2pm. Classes and such, and then a trip to Rick's house for a movie night! Aside from Rick and myself, there was Monica and her sister Josie, Julie Ella and her sister Céline, and Noa. I fell asleep during the ending of The Usual Suspects, haha I'm awesome. Then we watched Amélie, and then I fell asleep when we started watching Moulin Rouge. Half-asleep, Rick guided me to the room I then slept in. I remember half-waking to watch him clear the bed for me, haha awww. The next morning, Noa + Julie Ella + Céline had left mega early for prior engagements, so that left myself, Monica, Josie, as well as Rick. We ended up making an impromptu trip to Ikea for some food - I ended up just eating two frozen yogurt cones, haha - and then Rick brought everyone back into Hamilton.

I was far too late getting home to join Lisa as she got her latest tattoo, though. Bah.

I worked that night, from 5pm until 9pm. Then I travelled over to Rebecca's house so we could head out to celebrate St. Patrick's Day...only to realize that we had earlier agreed that she and Monica would meet me at my house. Haha, I'm dumb. I waited at her place, though, and they met me there. Apparently the house party/kegger that Rick had suggested ended up being pretty lame. So, we decided to meet up with a big group of Rebecca's friends at Ramshead. Among those friends was Jordan, who finally learned who Mystery Girl was, hahaha!

That place was PACKED, holy crap. I definitely planned on just having fun and not drinking, as I had rehearsal early the next morning. Rebecca bought a pitcher to share between herself and Monica; after pouring a glass for herself, and then one for Monica, Rebecca then sat the pitcher down in front of me...so I was pretty much coerced into drinking, hahaha. Later, I ran into Rachel at the pub (she's doing costume stuff for As You Like It) and she bought shots for both of us...I owe that girl, haha. She seems like such a fun girl!

Lots of dancing and madness later, we all decided to leave. On my way out, I realized I had lost my wallet...bargh. Thankfully, I found it after about five minutes of searching - I am so luckyyy. Stupid tight jeans and small pockets!

We went to the guys' house, where smoking of illicit substances and the playing of videogames ensued. Holy crap, was I ever gone. Around 2am, Rebecca and Monica and I headed home.

...Just before I turned onto my street, I realized that a wallet was absent from my pocket again. SO COLD AND FRUSTRATING. I was so intoxicated that I had to head back to Rebecca's house to bother her for directions back...I'm surprised I even found the house again, at that. So, so wrecked. I got there, though, and my wallet was exactly where I figured it would be - sitting on the couch that I was on earlier. Bah. I stayed for a moment to warm up, and then headed all the way back home again.

The next morning (the 18th), rehearsal began super early, as per usual...bargh. It went pretty well though - I've finally, FINALLY nailed my lines. Ah, Shakespeare, you wordy fellow. Next time, I memorize DAYS after receiving my script...procrastination kept biting me in the ass, here, hahaha.

The 19th brought about another shift with good ol' Zach, haha. I like working with him lately, it's been so much more fun than when we'd mostly bicker. We still argue from time to time, but it's more lighthearted now, thankfully!

On the 20th, post-class, I had my first two of five auditions for plays for this year's Summer Drama Festival...fingers crossed, yet again. I will be so happy if I am part of one of the casts again. So far, all of the plays sound like productions I'd gladly dedicate my (summer) life to, my goodness. Fingers crossed...

The morning of the 21st was met with more work, and then classes all day. I went to bed really early that night, mostly on account of the medication I took that night...stupid sneezing and stuffy nose and grossness. I slept for like 12 hours though, so that was good - woke up feeling 50% better!

Then, yesterday began with a visit from my mom! She brought me perogies, awww. We also went to the grocery store together, and spent some time here at my place for a while. I've missed her, baw. It was so good to spend time with her again.

I took a long bath after she left, effectively skipping my afternoon class...fuck, seriously, fucking classes. I went to my night class, though, since I'll be missing next week's class for opening night of my show. Haha oops.

I drank a can of Red Bull around 6:30pm last night. Then I wasted a lot of time when I got home, doing a lot of nothing. Then I "napped" for a while. For too long, at that.

I've been up since around 6:30/7am this morning.

And now I've written this entry.

...I have an essay due Monday, one more due by April 5th, and a big portfolio type thing due this Monday as well. I can't motivate myself to do these things now, before tech week starts for As You Like It. Not at all.

I'm stuck.

Everything is just flying past me - always flying out of my hands. I can never catch up. Only reminiscing. Always analyzing. Moving forward, but barely moving. Barely doing and rarely sleeping. Bored and inspired - can't just get up and leave, but can't merely sit and stare, either.

I am so motivated to write a fucking play, but I can't. I simply can't.

Stuck.

...This is really just how I roll.

I just wish summer would fucking be here already.