It seems that whenever I hope that I'll update more often, I end up busy-as-hell. Life swarms me like bees. Go, go, go. Sleep? There's no time - go, go...

The night of my last post brought about an audition for McMaster's Fall Major production, Shakespeare's Henry V. Went well - got two callbacks. Later that night, I attended a free show at the Casbah. I missed Offensive Orange (garrr) but caught The Rest's set, which I think was the best I had ever seen them perform. Cities In Dust played, and Zach played the rockstar, as per usual. Caused a lot of beer to spill on a lot of people that wanted to drink that spilled beer. Blah blah, I went home.

I didn't attend the second Wreck The Rep night, as aforementioned. I spent the night with some friends, instead. Wasn't in the mood to dance that night, as it turned out.

And then work, work, work. Strange feelings of social anxiety; a few nights of skipped public outings, shows...like open air would drown me.

Who knew.

Frantic travels to pay bills, attend meetings, fulfill all the little tasks life requires of me.
Eating becomes a chore. Sleeping becomes a chore. Checkboxes on checklists.
Go, go...

The 20th brought birthday celebrations for Rick at Hess. I got pretty drunk. Fun was had by all.

The 21st marked my first of two callbacks for Henry V. Then a brief meeting with Steve, which also brought a visit with Sophie. Those two have become so important in my heart, gosh. Then, a 4pm meeting at the Art Museum. Then night class...

Days, packed, from top to bottom. Twelve hour, thirteen hour, fourteen hour days...

The 22nd began with a workshop-style class, then the second callback audition. Then, a class skipped, in lieu of attendance for the Summer Drama Festival Steering Committee meeting.

Like butter, thinly spread...

I opened the store the next day - a Friday. All customers that morning either made me feel mean, or made me feel small. Then, following a quick run to the bathroom in the backroom, I returned to find the store engulfed in cloud...roofing in another store near to us in the plaza - cloud full of tar smells, woodchip smells...head full of ache. The day chewed apart from me, bit by bit. A relatively frequent customer, whose name I soon learned was Ken, approached the counter near the end of my shift, inquiring about good music. I expressed my joy regarding this. Conversation. Invitation. Day made a tiny bit brighter.

Joe was also there, and joined me on my travel back to my house. I almost broke down, but instead, merely told Joe about my day. Alanna also joined us, for a while. We talked at fair length. I felt better.

My return home led me to receive a message left over the phone: I received the role of Dauphin in Henry V.

Theatre is the best kind of stress, really.

The next day was the beginning of schedule complication - acting in two scenes, and stage managing another for a week-long assignment for class. Rehearsal was supposed to last for several hours; I could only stay for (not even) two hours. Dashed off to work. Nausea. Food. Food consumed too quickly. Nausea. Overwhelming urge to sleep. Frustration. Notable fun had with Zach that shift, though, so that made up for a lot of it. He really is a nice boy when he stops trying to perform particular personalities.

...I just realized I missed Melissa's gathering that day, post-work, and I feel like an asshole now. Ugh.

Monica, Rick, and Carly met me here for John's kegger. I was the last to be ready...apparently, that's how I roll now, ha.

Ten dollars. Countless greetings upon entry; countless familiar faces. Drink, drink, drink. Marking my game to the group. I got the last of the blue stuff? Leaving, so, moving right along...gosh that one's acting strange. Krystal saved my life. Desire to chat with one. Strange, undesired conversation with another. Storytelling...alright folks, you'd better get moving. Sorry, he's busy. Who's headed where? I always kick off my shoes. Reunion after reunion outside of Pita Pit. Let's go home, let's go home. Pick him up, he's falling onto the sidewalk. Goodnight. Goodnight. Goodnight.

The next day was our reading of Trojan Women at the Art Museum. I was hungover, and slightly flu-sick. The anti-nauseant pill started to really kick in after our physical warm-up (because we definitely needed one before a SIT-DOWN READING of the script...geeeeeeer). I was drowsy through the whole thing, and nearly fell asleep after my scene. Fighting to stay awake made me feel sick again. Bluh.

A few of us got pitas afterward, though, so that was fun.

I came home and passed out for a while.

I woke up when Monica arrived, as we had plans to go to the Casbah. I was on the guest list...good times. We caught a few bands, but my memory is clouded by medication, so their names escape me. They were quite lovely, regardless.

The next night (Monday night) I went with Ken to Toronto to M.I.A.'s afterparty. We definitely felt that five dollars was too cheap for the place we went to. Definitely. Big men in solid black suits, opening all doors...inner doors of solid glass, brass handles...marble floors...huge, full-panel, curved leather couches...golden chandeliers above each one - surrounded by multitudes of flowers, hanging from the ceilings...bathroom attendant to pump soap into hands, to hand out hand towels (which were tossed in garbage bins)...asking to steal some hairspray, and then also getting a couple squirts of hand lotion...overwhelming is an insufficient term.

Diplo spins great shit, though. And I met M.I.A. - she's short, and very nice!

We slept on Ken's friend's futon that night. Oh, the entourage nicknamed me T-bone. So dug that. Ken's friends are amazing people. I had such a great time that night.

I skipped two classes on Tuesday. Set me even further back, but...ugh. I don't know, I have no real excuse. I get selfish at the worst possible times, it seems.

Monica, Noa, and I went out for bubble tea after I was done work that night. We're such idiots when we play Boggle there (which we always do) and I LOVE IT. My consciousness began crashing, though, so we left relatively early into the night.

Work, work, work. Class, class, class. Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse. Go, go, go...

Yesterday, I thought a rehearsal was supposed to run from 8:30am-9:30am. I later learned it was from 8:30-10:30, but that's irrelevant, really.

I woke up at 8am, and cried in bed until around 9.
I called home...answering service. Left a message past tears, asking if it would be okay if I could come home next weekend.
I need sleep. I need sleep, and homemade meals. I need someone to tuck me in, maybe rub my back until I fall asleep. I need to see my mom. I need to see my cousin. I need sleep.

Monica called at the approach of the hour. I think the way I sounded must have scared her. I collected my thoughts, though, and hurried to campus for rehearsal. Luckily, they were not mad...or they didn't express it. Rehearsal went well, though.

I finally bought my books for this term, yesterday. Yep, almost a month into the semester and I just bought my books yesterday. Ugh.

I decided that I could no longer wait to purchase a straightener, so I sent some instant messages out...a while later, Lisa and I travelled out to the mall so I could buy one.

We took the wrong bus, and ended up at the HSR centre...thinger. I don't know what it's called. In any case, when we took one to get us out of there, Lisa and I had to part ways, as she had to attend class to receive information about an upcoming assignment. So, I went to the mall alone.

In light of the day being shitty, and the week being so hectic, I decided I deserved new underthings. Expensive underthings. Trashy underthings, of course. I got one expensive-but-not-so-trashy bra, and two pairs of very trashy funderwear.

I ran into Tyler and his friend, shortly thereafter. Told them what was up, and the purpose for my purchase - showed what I bought, even - and told them my plans for my next purchase, too. Tyler suggested that, shitty day or not, at least I'd be hotter now. Hahaha.

I bought a high-quality straightener, which was largely on sale. After tax, it was about $195...oops, ha. At least I'll be hotter now...? Yeah, I'm definitely gonna get scolded for this. Eh, that's what you get when you share a bank account with the parents so they can help you pay for school...lalala...

I dashed home, then back to campus for a ridiculously lengthy night class. Afterward, I had an audition for McMaster's Musical Theatre group. Discussing the current week's scheduling sucked...oh, life.

Today, my first class was at 12:30...and at noon, I finally noticed that I didn't have my backpack. I had left it at the audition. Awesome. I attended two auditions without my script - one rehearsing (which I skipped a class for, ahem), and one stage managing. Scrambling around to make ends meet wasn't much fun. Actually rehearsing was fun - and despite some absences in the second scene, stage managing was great fun too. I mean it: theatre really is the best kind of stress. It's the most fun I've ever been able to have while stressing out like crazy.

Oh, HSR has gone on strike as of today. Awesome. Since I wouldn't have time to go all the way home to make dinner, as I had previously planned, I bought a meal to go at our campus pub. Then I dashed off to tonight's night class...still without my backpack. Since I wasn't taking notes, I was definitely thinking about everything rather than paying attention to what was being taught. Ah, well.

During our break, I was able to run off and FINALLY pick up my backpack.

I wish I could start packing it to go home, right now.
I can't.
These next few days are going to be ridiculously hectic.

I wish I could promise myself not to break down again,
but words are just words, really.
Chances are pretty high...but I'll try not to.

I'll try not to.

My mom called earlier tonight - she called last night, following the message I had left her, but I wasn't home. We chatted. She inquired about my desire to come home. I asked, again; fought tears, again...I've just been so busy lately, I said. It's true. I just need to come home and sleep, I said. It's true. She asked of other things, more things. No more, I said. Nothing more to it.

I don't know if that's true.

I just need sleep. A back rub, until I fall asleep. Maybe someone to kiss a little more often than not.