Guess It's That Time Again

Ever have something take you by surprise, when it really shouldn't have?  Yeah.  Who hasn't?  This morning, not long after arriving at work, depression smacked me in the face.  Hard.  I buried myself in work, hoping it would pass.  But it didn't.  Boss A urged me to go home, on the condition that I call up my health plan and arrange for counseling.  So I did.  I have an appointment on Thursday.

As I implied, though... the signs were all there, even before this morning.  I've had a long stretch of being overly emotional.  I'd find myself avoiding watching certain movies, feeling that they'd be uncomfortable to watch.  And not just depressing movies, mind you.  I was avoiding watching movies that had overt love stories to them.  But then, when a grown man can cry while watching The Parent Trap... something's amiss.

I've had a problem for a while with beginning projects and then losing interest.  Or, if not losing interest, becoming too easily frustrated with them.  I've got bartending school this weekend, for example.  I almost don't care.  I even came close to canceling, instead of paying the balance due and committing to going.  But I forced myself to do it.  So that's where I'll be from nine to five this Saturday and Sunday, in case anyone's looking for me.  It's supposed to be two consecutive weekends, but I've got plans the next weekend.  So I'm not sure when the next one I'll be able to do might be.  Maybe not until the weekend after Thanksgiving.  And that's fine with me.  I've got nothing else going on.

But there are lots of other things where my interest has waned.  Maybe that's why I haven't been able to get any decent writing done for a while.  It's not holding my interest.  And if it's not holding mine long enough to write it, any finished product sure isn't gonna hold the interest of a reader.

I haven't even posted any blogs in the past two weeks.  In fact the only reason I'm posting this is because it's sometimes helpful to put it down in writing.  Well, that, and because Vanessa's blog today echoed what I was feeling.  But while she summed it up in a sentence, I needed to ramble.

The therapist on the phone asked if there was a trigger that set this off.  I can't think of one, but it's no coincidence that it flared up when I got to work.  Even with  my recent raise, I'm still fed up with the job.  The new duties... fine.  They're not fascinating, but they're far more interesting than the mundane, mindless crap that comprises far too much of my job.

And now I'm realizing I haven't blogged about this new work gig.  Yeah, it's like this.  A year or so ago, we decided we needed a "data manager."  Boss A immediately nominated me for the position, but the senior management said, "No... we want someone with a Ph.D. in that position."  This was ridiculous, since none of our data demands were of that level.  But what senior management wants...

Anyway, my Boss B (latest in a series, collect 'em all) has a degree in finance.  And when she saw what our Ph.D. was doing, she about gagged.  She made it very clear to senior management that we were paying him a salary commensurate with his level of experience, but it was totally out of whack with his actual responsibilities here.  So he was let go, and the lion's share of his work was split between me and another member of the support staff.

Boss A is now hoping that, even though we didn't need a Ph.D. in that position, senior management will realize we do need someone in there full-time, and that - this time - they'll consider me for it.  We'll see.  Will it be an enjoyable job?  No.  But it'll be far less annoying than what I'm currently doing.

Well.  I could ramble on.  And on.  But I'm not going to.  Instead, I think I'll make myself some dinner, listen to more of the Rush CDs I recently got (filling in the old vinyl collection), and play some more Spider solitaire.

Good times.