Putting it out there

I may have put these lyrics up at some time previously but it sort of hit me again.

So, I'm trying to be an artist. I have always wanted a creative outlet but was hindered by all sorts of things lack of natural tallent being the least of them really. One of the things that always bothered me is how once you create something you can't control what happens with it, around it, because of it, etc. It has a sort of life of it's own and is part of the world. I think WILCO describes this the best:

And if the whole world's singing your songs
and all of your paintings have been hung
just remember that what was yiours is everyone's from now on

And that's not wrong or right
but you can struggle with it all you like
You'll only get uptight


When I heard that for the first time it threw me really, and I was like, "Yeah... that's true isn't it... it's not wrong or right and I'm the one letting it stop me... hmmmnn"

I think phenomina is why it seems that artist of all types seem to be drained if they're popular during their life. Have you ever noticed how musicians, writters, painters, and the like seems so vibrant in their early years and once they reach the end of their careere or life they crash and burn in varrious ways. People suck them dry taking what was theirs untill they have nothing left, or a less agressive way to look at it people accept the gift of the artists creation and perhaps the artist doesn't know how or when to stop so they continue to drain themselves.

I found a great book the other day. two things I have wanted to work on but just didn't know how are my creativity and my prayer life. I found a book called Windows into the Soul which is a book on how to pray through art essentialy [or so it seems thus far] it has chapters that teach some tecnique of opening up and then gives a project. I'm really looking forward to going through this. I feel like I really just have to work at life. I think I have had a notion that life happens but really I am suposed to live. Life isn't somethinig that happens to me its something I do. I'm not sure if this is making sense but it's late and I've been up for a really rediculously long time.

I'm hoping that if I give my cat a big pile of food he won't wake me up at seven to feed him.


Things I want to start doing to help myself be happier

1. Yoga at least 4 days a week. I used to do yoga for an hour every morning and I really got something out of it. I need to be able to talk myself out of bed in time to do it though.
2. Get a set sleap schedule and stick to it. I know from classes and experience that a regular sleap patern helps your body get the most out of the sleep you get and make the most of the time you're awake. Unfortunately with how my work schedule goes I hardly ever get to bed at the same time three nights in a row.
3. I'm going to do a fast when I feel like my prayer life will suport it. I've want to study up on fasts and the spiritual and physical clensing benefits of them. I haven't done one because I believe that a fast without prayer and purpose is just an eating disorder.
4. I want to make time to drink more tea. I know that sounds weird but I want a calming ritual of sorts to help me center and focus. I think I have spent a lot of the last two or three years in a self created fog. It's time that the fog clears and I start to address things in an open and inteinotal manor. [yoga will help with that goal too]