I am not a smart cookie.
I cancelled my digital cable after I realized Mark had been renting way too much porn and my cable bill was up around five hundred dollars.  I didn't however, take in to account  that the internet would go as well. So here I am, at the library (pronounced libary by yours truly) because I'm an addict.

But speaking of addictions, when do you decide enough is enough? And when you come to this decision, where do you draw the line?
A few weeks ago, I got high with Jocelyn and her boyfriend. The next day, Will noticed some lovely looking bruises right on my vein (I know, I'm bad) and I lied about it.  This got me thinking, is it out of control when you have to lie to those who you know will be there for you no matter what?
After a whirlwind week of trying to numb the drug cravings by drinking, I threw a blender at Williams' head and it reminded me of the expression "straw that broke the camels' back". He phoned my mom, and her boyfriend showed up the next day to take me to rehab.
Now, there is no way on gods green earth I would ever go to rehab. And forcing me could be construed as kidnapping. But after cleaning up the ginormous (brandy-ism: Gigantic + Enormous) mess of raspberry vodka smoothie that was in the blender when I threw it, I decided I'd had enough.
So here I am, completely sober. It feels a little unreal, but nice all in the same. And even though I would give my  favorite pair of jeans for a drink right now,  I  don't feel like getting high, which is good. There is something so invasive about  sticking a needle in your arm just for a feeling.
I was listening to this song the other day, and there was a line in it that said "in the moment you are just so right".  It's true, and it makes me a little nostalgic  for the feeling, but the high you get is not worth what  you pay for  it.  As for the drinking,  we shall see how long that lasts.  But if Erinbear is an advocate, it must be okay:P
 
   

 


 
 
openeyes on
Re: To drink or not to drink?
While you're listening to songs, remember Neil Young's "the needle and the damage done". I hope there never comes a day when I no longer get a chance to read your posts ...

And still, congratulations on taking steps in the right direction, trying to eliminate the negative from your life and deciding at what point something can no longer continue. You're making progress. I'm spoiled to be a hippy child. My dad always supported experimentation with everything but needles and cigarettes. We used to even take mushrooms together. At this point I simply prefer the feeling of being sober to most anything else. I tried a number of things and decided that I'm happy where I am. I wish the same for you and better.

justbrowsing on
Re: To drink or not to drink?
I'll take the favorite pair of jeans if you're offering.  ;-)  I'm confident Erin will always give you beary good advice.  Seriously, I hope all is well, and if I may offer a bit of unsolicited advice that my dear old gramma once gave me: "Never, ever, no matter how upset you are, throw a blender full of vodka smoothies!"
brandybear on
Re: To drink or not to drink?
this advice would have been helpful last week. But then again, you can't be expected to forsee every blender thrown and door assault that happens to me
justbrowsing on
Re: To drink or not to drink?
BTW, how does one rent over $500 worth of internet porn?  Why not go out and get laid?  Or buy three videos and hit rewind from time to time?  Yikes!  It moggles the bind!

 
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