Once again I have run for the hills.

This is getting so old.

Sitting outside waiting for the sun to go down yesterday, I was having a conversation with my mothers' boyfriend. We got on to the topic of communtication.

He put it to me very simply.

Men are fixers, women are complainers.

William had said the same thing to me a few days prior.

What it basically boils down to is this. When a woman has a problem, she goes to her significant other, or friend, or whomever have you, and tells them all about it. If the person on the recieving end of said venting is a man, he immedietely thinks, "Well, I have to make this better."

So the man in question tries to offer up advice, when all the woman wants is someone to listen to her and tell her everything will be alright.

Women are generally satisfied with venting, and then letting go of their problems. Men approach problems in a solution oriented kind of way. Herein lies the problem.

Even though this is a very basic concept, is seems to be slightly out of my grasp. (Not to mention the millions of other people on the planet that just can't seem to make a relationship work.) As human beings, we understand that this is a difference between the way that men and women function. As one half of a relationship, we forget what we know to be true and take the other persons' actions as a personal attack when they are simply trying to help.

Men, you know where I'm coming from as well. How often have you come home from a less than flattering day at work and tried to talk to your significant other about your day. And how often have you gotten "God, your boss sounds like such an asshole!" or something to that effect?

It is because rather than trying to offer a solution, we try to empathize and show you we understand and feel for your situation.

In a perfect world, I could get paid to sit on my ass and offer up my oh so wise opinions, and love would be easy. Unfortunately it is not so. But when will we stop and realize that it is not that we are doing something wrong, we are doing what it is in our nature to do?

 
   

 


 
 
justbrowsing on
Re: Solution oriented?
It is this apparent Mars/Venus dichotomy that has made John Gray a rich man.
motionlesswheel on
Re: Solution oriented?
We talked about that difference in great detail in a communication class I took.  The idea is not to change the way we communicate, but as you suggest, understand our differences.  I work hard to not offer advice every time a woman talks to me about something, but it really is just instinct.  Men are problem solvers, while women are communicators.  Although, that's not always true.  There are plenty of men who can't solve problems and plenty of women who can't communicate.

I wonder how we ever get along...

justbrowsing on
Re: Solution oriented?
Notice the difference?  "Communicators," not "complainers!"  The b/f had the right idea, but he used a male bias to describe women, eh?  Too funny!

Also, Brandy, "running for the hills" is a very Martian thing to do. 

elektra on
Re: Solution oriented?
wow! So true. I hadn't realized it before, but now that I think about it, ur very right about the difference b/w guys and girls attitude towards "problems" or whatever. Yes, sometimes we as women would like a solution, but we'd much rather just vent about it and then let it work itself out on its own. When guys give us the "fix" for it, we oftentimes take it as them either criticizing our way of dealing with things, or that they are just trying to tell us something to make us shut up and go away, which isn't necessarily true. Then when we get mad and blow up at them, they don't understand what they did wrong. After all, they were just trying to help. And vice versa, as you said. We need to consider these things in all of our relationships.
copacetic on
Re: Solution oriented?
Beautifuly said brandybear, profound.
brandybear on
Re: Solution oriented?
william you ass, where the hell are you!

acronymsical on
Re: Solution oriented?
b.s. really. silence and running away do seem to be an ameircan male thing. and talking and talking does seem to be an american female thing. but why do we generalize from there? DOING is not a function of gender so much as it is a "get up off your ass and fix your own problems" issue. it tends to work wonderfully when people are single, but breaks down in some kinds of relationships.

gender roles are easy because our society has taught them to us from a very early age. the expectations and mechanics of relationships are easy when the roles are so clearly defined. but why mooch off of society's expectations? create your own. live your own life. design your own roles. life by americana, or life by do-it-yourself?


 
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