So many of you out there seem to believe it's not what you've done, but who you are that matters in the end. Yes, I have done a lot of mean and grossly irresponsible things that still bother me, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Once in awhile I doubt myself and my choices, but in the end I always come back to the same conclusion. I would not be who I am or where I am without making the choices I have, whether good or bad.

Last night, after I took ecstacy, I realized I wasn't even enjoying my high. I realized that with the drugs I have done in my life, nothing will ever, ever feel as good to me as it does to others. So why am I still trying?

So, I'm just not going to try anymore. I know that nothing I can do in good conscience will ever satisfy me the way some other drugs have, so basically I'm just frustrating myself.

Maybe it's time I find out what it is I really want, what I'm really looking for. I'm sick of chasing a high.