Chapter 69: Recess This

As I approach the two-year anniversary of when my wife foolishly said, “I do” (figuratively, since who actually says that at a wedding?), I’ve been thinking about what we should do to celebrate, beyond dinner at our favorite restaurant (Melting Pot) and presenting her with her shiny new Nokia camera, nothing sounds more appealing than spending time frolicking with our new puppy.

That’s right, our all black three and a half month old Portuguese Water Dog (yes, that is the dog Obama has; no, that is not why we got him). I don’t want to lock myself in a room and write, I don’t want to research agents and publishing houses to pitch, I want to go to a park or a lake or even just the backyard with the woman and the doggie I love. Comparing that sentiment to my honeymoon, when I typed away on a novel while the cruise ship rocked us back and forth, I’ve realized this blog, which started on January 9, all the way back in 2006, has become more of a chronicle of my maturity to adulthood than my attempts to get published. And perhaps nothing is more evident of that than the massive gaps between posts, stagnant because I’m spending time working my full-time job, or working my recent new part-time job, or working on my house, or working to train the puppy, or the best of all, spending time with my lovely wife. Our friends are having a baby in a few months. Our pool is about to be opened and our new grill is begging to start charring. I’m about to sit on a panel talking to college graduates about working life. When I started this blog, I was a kid. Now, I’m…an adult.

But that doesn’t mean I’ve abandoned my dreams of becoming a published author. I’m still waiting for my wife and friend and screenwriter I admire greatly to review my most recent three novels, and while waiting I’ve written a few short stories to send to contests (something I promised myself and this audience I’d do months ago). But I also recognize that in my absence from this blog, while doing all that growing up, our economy has changed drastically, and with it, so has the publishing industry.

One of my first posts was about the insanity of ever expecting to publish a book (especially a fiction novel) outside of self-publishing. Multiple that message to the umpth degree now, where even the superstar writers of the world are seeing shrinking advances.

But there is still hope. There is still advice I can offer. And I present it in the following five tips on how to publish a book in a wretched economy:

Make yourself a brand – you may not be a Stephen King or Jody Piccoutt yet, but that doesn’t mean you can’t market like you are. Create a blog (better than this one), submit articles to online publications, contact local radio stations to see if they’d be interested in the story of who you are and what you’re trying to do (or if you’re a non-fiction writer offer yourself as a guest to discuss your specialization), become the next MySpace phenomenon (but first find the next MySpace, since that site, as well as Facebook and Twitter, are so last month)
Create a package – Just your book isn’t enough anymore; develop the book, as well as online videos, photos or drawings to accompany the text, corresponding articles for outside publications, potential sequels, a graphic novel companion piece, action figures, etc.; whatever is appropriate for your work. And make it clear that you are willing and able to take on much of the marketing; working on a website, traveling like crazy to multiple book readings and signings, hitting up conferences, phoning into radio show after radio show after radio show (and just so you know: you may have to be the one pitching the radio shows and organization the book signings as well).
Polish your writing – Your novel is perfect, right? No, it could always be better. Since publishers are barely accepting new work right now, take this time to send your work to friends for their review. Join book clubs. Edit again and again and again. Make sure it is beyond perfect, which doesn’t actually exist, like someone giving 110 percent. See, I’m rambling. This should be edited. Don’t ramble. Edit. A lot.
Be patient – The economy will rebound, and people will find renewed love for writing, and with J.K. Rowling and Stephanie Meyer motivating new groups of people to read, and with Dan Brown about to excite pro- and anti-religious groups all over again, the market is ripe for growth. Do what my dog can’t do yet and “stay, stay, good boy.” You’ll get that treat eventually.
Keep writing – The most obvious, corny, important advice I can give; keep writing. Keep honing your craft. Keep thinking about that new idea, the one that is so different from everything else out there, the one that the publishers can’t help but pay attention to. It’s in you, and now, with no pressure weighing you down, is the perfect time to pull it out.