i've still got myself backing. more then good enough

ah how i wish i could just let loose on here. seems kinda a shame that its such a cool blog site but i can't utilize it for all it's worth. it's usually how it is /w me tho. things not comming out how i think them and ending up getting messed up in translation. often after tripping on my words i end up looking back and kicking myself just a little and wondering if my message is clear /w the people i encounter.

off again to the races. computer stuff worked out alrite but unfortunately juuust under req amount to sustain. learning exp for not trusting too much any more or putting myself dependant on others (who always end up letting me down). i've nothing against a stable job and at times have often enjoyed it. it's nice and easy to be the worker. let the boss deal /w problems and just keep going to the grind. i was really set on working for myself and will give it another shot when i get more of a flow of cash comming in. can't have it dry up on you. thats prob the best thing about 9-5's. each 2 weeks you get enough to continue working where yer at.

im sure i'll be less agitated when everything comes together in my life. this past train wreck of a year is being patched up and i'm used to being dirt poor so it's not like i can't learn to live that way. lmao. it's like building up this huge force to get ahead and having it blow up in yer face like the coyote. oh you guys know the one. strapped /w the acme brand "helper" items. then again i've met a new friend that's even more worst off then me in my position about a week back. late 50's, painter, nice guy but not a snowball's chance of ever getting it together. working at some construction site for a cheap foreman w/o the proper tools or safety air filters for the sprays of paint in there. can't afford to call in sick but missed 3 days last week b/c of a lung infection from the paint (and the cigs also. we do most of it to ourselves).

went on a huge bike ride yesterday as there isin't much working on sunday. about 3-4 hours down the hill towards the valley. awesome view of the mountains and the fields. saw some crops growing in the farmish area and thought that'd be nice having a field full of food. least that way if yer poor you still eat well. i can't imagine it taking up that much space to have "enough". for anyone thinking im on some crazy journey for super amounts of wealth know i just want enough for myself for today and a few tomorrows. citadel didn't turn me off working or anything. just made me realise that they wern't on my side or cared about anything i wanted. couldn't ruin my health for that. cash or no cash.

haven't rode my bike for nearly 3 months now since i got the car. the clutch got fixed few months back and the brakes were holding (but squeeking) and were finally changed and bled 2-3 days ago (ty painter for also being a mechanic wooohoo). now i got 2 cv joints clicking when i go too fast (or too much torque) around corners. kinda grounded me till that's fixed as i had it go in van once on me at 50km around a busy intersection. can't have that. that's 80/side. thank god i can get someone to help me switch them for nothing. i've always loved that about helping others (well friends, family usually sucks in my case). they feel that need to give and help out. i drive mr painter to work each morning at 6am and he knows TONS about cars and i know jack so i can learn alot. guess everyone has something to give. if they aren't giving tho, (and can) then its prob best to avoid those kinds of people. too bad im related to a few. lmao.

getting out yesterday helps /w the stir crazy....all RITE, i can go on msn....for......no reason. really gotta get old work people off my list and just make a new email/msn/everything. need a good refresh online. too bad i dont have my own pc anymore. i really dont like using erin's pc. i mess a setting and she overreacts and gets all pissy. not to mention if yer into a project on the pc and she wants tv (damn tv card).

ya the pc experience hasen't been what it used to. i dont game much if ever. just got music and movies really. maybe read some news or see how people are doing but anyone i care about either doesn't use msn or doesn't talk on it. like holy useless to have it installed. amelia really was using up the email. might get down /w that instead.


"Suggested Tags: working poor, working days, working late again, working late"  hahaha. thanks mindsay. always good for a smile.

get to look forward to moving (again) at least. sure don't like moving but sure enjoy the gamble of making my life better (not having landlord people that are a touch on the mean side.....really messes /w home life). bah. still better here then the apts. i can see progress...it's just painstakingly slow is all.

guess im done /w the need to write. hope it was a good read. :P