Wow. I'm already almost two weeks into my senior year of high school. You'd think it'd would be a little more exciting, y'know? I mean, it's my senior year: this is do-or-die time, baby. This is your chance to go out with a bang. Become a person. Define yourself. Well, the funny thing is that I don't feel any of this. I don't feel like a senior, and I definitely don't feel all extra special and whatever.
Now that I think of it, senior year is the year for lasts. This is my last SHS volleyball season, this will be my last Homecoming, Winterball, Prom, Art Fest, Music Fest. Last everything, it seems. I need to make everything I do and everything I experience worthwhile. I should go out of my way to do stuff I've never done before and have fun. I think I should be more adventureous and take more risks (not like "Oh, I should go base jump or hike a volcano" or anything like that. Just in everyday life).
Ever since Caite left, I feel like I haven't been doing any of that stuff. Although I love her dearly and know that nobody in the world could ever take her place, I think it's time for me to move onto the next stage in my life. It's weird not having a best friend that I know is going to be there all the time. In a way it makes me feel a little vulnerable and awkward. Don't get me wrong, I have many awesome friends whom I care for very much so, but it's hard not having your best friend there. I never thought it'd feel so strange.
But the time for feeling sorry for myself is over. I know I can get past this if I be myself and open myself up to different people and what they have to offer. I just have to be ready and willing for these changes to happen. We'll see how it goes.
senior year
