Do you ever feel like you let memories push themselves back into your head because you WANT to make yourself sad?  Like rubbing salt into wounds?

It's taken me this long to realise I've been torturing myself by letting them in - sure it makes me smile to remember the good times but then the fact that I can never have those good times back...or have any new good memories to add to the memory of him hits me like a big orange bus....

And why can't I convince myself that anyone could be as crazy and fun as he was??

I'm beginning to think I like to cause myself pain....maybe the tears are a good release...