Friday morning I hop in my littlest convertible… (I have 2 – an Audi, and a tiny BMW that actually belongs to my husband, along with one Behemoth of a vehicle for those "Aggressive” days) and I decide to go into Beverly Hills for some errands and a visit to the Los Angeles Total Health Clinic.  Short for... crazy Colonic Lady, Holistic Chiropractor, Masseuse and  a Health Balance nutritionist - all in one office – it is as LA health nutty as you can get.  OK I admit it... I have been feeling sluggish lately and was feeling the need to be cleaned out.  So low and behold... of course there is a one stop "cleansing shop" in Beverly Hills. 

So on my way over to my "Plummer" I am driving over the Glen - top down, getting a nice tan, and just minding my own business.  Then some punk in a huge black truck with those ugly spin rims, cuts me off and just about makes me run into some poor guys wall.  I was pissed and of course, but being a lady, only flipped him off once!  At the light we catch up and I look over to shoot him the "nasty you screwed up look" and low and behold it is the 12 year old with a license - Frankie Munez.  Apparently, he's smashed the $250,000 ride he coveted and is driving a brand new pimped out Ford Truck instead...  Can you say short man complex? 

Since he is an actor and supposed to be a good role model for wee lads the world over I was happy to lay into him for driving like such a child.  Surprisingly - he apologized... But then he flipped me the bird and ran the light.  PUNK!

So after that I was surly in need of my "cleansing and de-stressing regime"... I get to my "Health Center" walk in the door and this tiny little woman bounds up to me and shouts "so you’re full of shit eh"!  She grabs me by the arm and takes me into the room.  After  I disrobe and lay on the table I am now the prisoner of a 60 something polish woman who takes pride in speaking frankly about all things.  She is the kind of woman that has absolutely no sense of humor - but she is so crass you are sure she is joking!  She's not. 

Anyway, the YUCK session starts (for those of you who aren’t sure what a Colonic is – think giant enema, but with a machine).  In the midst of the session, in walks a masseuse to help relieve some of the pain and keep “things moving”.  I'm not 15 minutes into the entire really awful session, and low and behold my little polish woman and my little Japanese woman start arguing.  At first I thought they were kidding - but when one started calling the other really bad names I figured this was for real.  Mind you I am lying between them, nary a hospital gown separating my private parts from them.  And I have a giant tube up my Netherlands! 

I am totally helpless.... The fight went on for a full 5 minutes until the masseuse ran out of the room crying!  I wanted to run with her - but I was connected to this evil woman and her machine - literally.  She spent the next 20 minutes complaining about the Japanese, the rest of the world, and all their faults.  I totally disagreed with every word that came out of her mouth - but God knows I wasn't going to tell her that.  When she was done I couldn't get out of the room fast enough!   I ran for my little life – straight to Barney’s where all your worries can be lost in the Shoe section.

See how fun LA can be?  It is never boring!