alcohol
somehow it came up that there was some vodka in the freezer, n when measured out it came out to 2 and a half shots. i ended up making a mocha drink with it. XD it was milk, a hot coco packet, n then gabby poured in some coffee she'd made earlier that morning. she'd suggested pouring it back into the vodka bottle n shaking it, but it was too small n there was no way i was gonna get it in there without a funnel, so instead we poured it into one of those huge cranberry-rasberry jugs u get from Costco n i shook it in there XD it actually tasted really good! the mix was a little off, tho, it could have probably used less milk and/or coffee, but oh well. it was also really frothy from shaking it, but i thought that added character to the drink, hehehe.
once i was finished with that, we finally left for Einar's n i donated two bucks for a cup to get some jungle juice n then i saw this guy with an awesome bubbler n then he offered me some of the stuff in it, n who would turn down free weed? XD considering how stoned i'd been from that brownie Erin gave me the night before, u'd think i wouldn't have wanted to get stoned again, but i knew there was no way i was gonna be getting more jungle juice, (n i was right), so i figured i'd do this. what was weird, tho, is i wasn't feeling it n i figured that what was going to happen was because i was so fucked up the night before, that i could easily get fucked up this night and because it wouldn't be as much as the night before i wouldn't realize it. with this in mind, i figured that once the pot was out here even if i didn't feel like it, i was done for the night. ultimately i'm glad i thought of that because i was right. i ended up having a cup of beer later, which amazes me cuz i really don't like beer, n i might have had one more if i wasn't so full from the "Russian Mocha" that i'd had earlier, plus the Jungle Juice. sometime while we were outside i saw Ted, n i waved n said hi, n of course he pretended he didn't know me. *rolls eyes* he always does that- he's super friendly one moment, but as soon as he's around a ton of easier n prettier girls, you don't exist. w/e, see if i'll hang out w/ him this thursday, lol.
but our little group went inside for a bit, (josh had gone home early, so now it was me, george, gabby, ryan, n we ran into jon parker for a bit), n ryan kept standing really close to me. like, very uncomfortably close. n inside it was more understandable cuz it was kinda crowded, but he'd been doing it outside, too, so much so to the point that i started getting huggy w/ gabby, which usually happens when i'm really drunk, except i wasn't doing it now cuz i was drunk, i was doing it because it was the only thing i could think to do to get him to back off. n it didn't stop inside. at one point, tho, gabby touched my boobs again XD so this time i took Cindy's advice n i grabbed them back! lol. it was kinda funny cuz we did that for a while, n it was really interesting to me the way her tits felt. for those of u who don't know, i was a C cup by the time i was in 8th grade if not younger, and since then my breasts went all the way up to a 36D last year, n i think they're shrinking back down to a C now that i'm losing weight again. However, since i first reached C cup status, even when i got my weight down to 118lbs, i've never been smaller than a 36C. The only other girl's tits i've ever touched were also in the C cup range, but i don't think she was as big as me. I'm used to feeling large squishy breasts like mine. Gabby, however, is an A cup. it was weird, because in a way i liked the way small breasts felt in my hands. it was so different. i can totally understand why some guys like small boobs now, altho i am still quite happy with the size and consistancy of mine, hehe. i just wish they weren't so saggy :(
n e way, someone kept periodically turning the light off in Einar's n when that would happen i'd pull out my cell phone n start doing a light show XD the last one, which was when the light was off the longest, was probably the best one that i've ever done. it was so awesome, n Gabby called me a raver kid XD lol, good god, i wish! there was also a map on the wall behind us, n someone was looking at the map n pointing out where they were from, n then i saw the town "El Centro" on the map. i pointed at it n started yelling, "That's where Jimmy is!!" Gabby n i had been talking about how we missed n were worried about emo jimmy earlier that night before we went to the party, so seeing his tiny town on this map made me really excited. (even more excited than seeing the town we're in, Arcata, on the map XD i put a finger on each point n was like, "Wow, look at how far!" lol)
after a while that stopped n seeing as how none of us are really all that into hip hop, we left the party. we said bye to Einar n he gave both me n Gabby a kiss on the cheek, hehe. i kissed his back XD u all know that a year ago there is no way in hell i'd have had the confidence to kiss a hot guy on the cheek who'd just kissed me. yeah, i know, it didn't mean n e thing, it was just a friendly cultural thing, but i still hesitated on doing it back n figured, "what the hell, i have been drinking after all" lol. i always feel kinda nervous around Einar ever since i told him he has love handles, (which i barely remember doing) n i said it cuz i thought it was hot, but that's not the way he took it. :/ that was almost a year ago, tho, so he probably doesn't remember n if he does, it certainly doesn't seem like he holds a grudge. then again, i'm pretty sure he was pretty drunk at his part, too, lol. :P it still made me feel good tho.
on the way back me n gabby started talking about Ted again n how he'll be all nice to us one moment, but the second a prettier girl is around we become ignored. i'm actually not that offended because i realize that's just the type of guy Ted is and it only secures in my mind that much more that there's a goal he's trying to reach with me that i don't want him to reach. Gabby started telling me about one time when he was drunk right after her n Josh got together, they were leaving a party n then Ted came up to her, put an arm around her arm, n started saying crap about how they should have an open relationship n she should "come up to the Tedster's room" RIGHT IN FRONT OF JOSH. i told her about how i don't trust doing n e thing alone with him, n then she did another one of those little gabby things that drives me crazy, and not in the good kind of way. Don't get me wrong- i love gabby. she's so sweet and so caring, but she is a natural blonde. we've talked before n she's straight up told me that she feels bad that she can't understand my problems because she didn't have n e of the ones i had. she said she feels bad that she can't be there for me because she doesn't know how i feel. (to which i told her that i'm glad she doesn't understand because the only way one can possibly begin to is to experience it for oneself, n those of u who have been reading this for a long time know there are multiple "its" that statement can refer to in my life) she's admited to me that she's naive in all of that, so i don't mind agreeing that she is. and i've told her before that hearing the "r word" or hearing her talk about that around me kills me inside and destroys me because it makes me think about it, but what does she say?
"I heard he's a rapist."
Thanx gabby.
the thing is, i don't know if its because i was slightly drunk n stoned or what, but after the initial pang of the trigger, i was ok. i was able to brush it off n just carry on a conversation. "I wouldn't put it past him." she said she'd heard some rumors n i told her about some of the creepy crap he's done around me, n then the conversation was pretty much over. i started talking about how Ryan had been standing REALLY close to me at the party n that it was making me uncomfortable n she said she noticed. i told her that's why i was hugging her so quick n that i wasn't actually that drunk. i just didn't know what to do.
i was gonna walk home again, but Gabby told me that Josh could probably give me a ride since he'd offered to give us one from Einar's place, so i went back to their appartment n he gave me a ride. :) still being not sober, i made some mac n cheese, (not Kraft, Annie's) n watched three more episodes of Futurama, n then i fell asleep. (hence the, "i come home drunk n say, 'i'm gonna watch a DVD'" that i told to J when he came over Sunday night/Monday morning, hehe.) but sure enough, when i woke up later in the morning i realized that i'd been more fucked up that night than i'd thought at the time n i had a slight tummy ache, but it didn't last long. :)
