Us three girls sat there wondering what to do now. I needed to find J. Charity n Kim needed to find Ben. We decided to try exchanging phone numbers as i attempted to send J another text telling him where i was. I know i mentioned this in the other entry, but it is EXTREMELY difficult to write text messages while ur on ecstacy, lol. i was almost done w/ it n had given Kim my number, (meanwhile people every now n then would cheer or something, making us wonder if it was really over), n Kim saw i was having a hard time n asked me if i wanted her to finish it for me n i said yes. She gave my phone back n said she told him to meet me by the stand where they sold glowsticks. almost immediately again i got a response.

"come outsideg"

at the time i didn't notice or care about the typo, but when i saw it the next day i laughed cuz i remember i had to struggle so hard not to have typos n i should have just not cared, lol. i would have gone, but while Kim was sending the other message, Charity had gone to refill my water bottle in the bathroom behind us. I sent J a message telling him that. at some point the lights came on, a guy told us we had to get up and leave. right as we did, Charity banged on the glass behind us. Kim signaled for her to go around. we met up with her before this huge door that went out the side to the street. it wasn't the way we'd entered. the crowd was huge. i got my water bottle back, n then while we were leaving the building, we got seperated. i looked around. i couldn't see n e body. There were- no kidding- about five cop cars outside. I found this some-what ironic because before we were even in line and the three of us were walking towards the building, Kyle said something about how this party shouldn't get shut down because this is Oakland afterall. The cops here probably have bigger problems tonight. (n then i added that the Raiders do officially have the worst record in football this year, now, so they probably definately had bigger problems.) and yet here they were, outside. it was bright. I started feeling paranoid again cuz i was on something n i'm sure if one of them stopped me i'd be busted. Then i realized what i was doing to myself and tried to relax. This is a trick with alcohol n pot that i've learned to deal with many times- if u act like nothing is up, you'll be fine. if u get all paranoid n freak out, they'll know ur on something cuz if u weren't doing n e thing illegal, why would you be getting paranoid n freaked out? i needed to find J. Fuck texting n fuck being too shy to call. I needed to now, it was the easiest and fastest way i'd be able to find him.

I pulled out my phone. 1:06am. I called. he didn't answer at first. fuck. he better answer. fuck. J**** ANSWER!

"hello?"

"Hey, where are you?"

"Where are you?"

"I'm outside, i'm out front."

we tried to describe to the other where the other was, but we both got confused. he thought i was still inside, i thought he was by the side of the building where we'd entered. he told me to just walk towards the entrance so we hung up n i did, n i saw Kyle, but not J. "HI!" he said it back, (but not the same way i did) n then he told two ppl that were with him, a guy and a girl, to take me to J. I said high to them and i put my arm around her arm and we walked. "HI!" pause. "This is my first time on E!" (yeah, i'm a dork when i'm on stuff :P) "oh that's cool." when we started crossing the street she asked, "How old are u?" "19." pause. "How old are you?" "18." "Cool." i wonder if maybe she thought i was younger because i was so much shorter than her, lol. stupid height!

we crossed the street and looked around. apparently the couple Kyle had sent me w/ had no idea who J was, lol. (its a hell of a lot funnier now than it was then!) i guess Kyle thought they did, which kinda made sense cuz he was rollin, too. :P the girl said they didn't know who this guy was n they needed to go, n i looked across the street to the left, (we were on a corner n the rink was behind us now), n i saw J with a couple other ppl and another girl hanging on him. i felt a small pang of jealousy when i saw that, but it was quickly overcome. I was, afterall, very happy to see him. "HI!" the other ppl left in the same direction the couple i'd been with had n i put my right arm around J's left and cuddled up next to him. The other girl, who i found out to be Paula, was hugging the rest of him n i felt intrusive doing n e thing other than cuddling w/ his arm, lol. I didn't care, tho, he was still warm, and it was so cold outside, so painfully cold outside. a couple other ppl he knew showed up on the corner n they started talking about what to do now in terms of finding an after party n such. I forget who they were now, n at the time i wasn't paying much attention to who they were, either. I just spaced out, feeling his warmth, n listened to the conversation. I tried to do that thing w/ my nails on his back that he loves after we have sex, but he still had his shirt on n after making a half-assed attempt, i knew it wasn't gonna work.

Someone made a joke about how he had two girls on him. the three of us laughed. i don't remember what the context of it was, either, something about how he was set for the night because of that. XD "Are you with either of them?" "No..." a pause, n then in a low, sad voice, "I'm actually not dating anybody right now." I looked up. A problem w/ ecstacy, at least for me, is that you don't think before you speak. That's kind of an issue w/ alcohol, too, but with alcohol its more of a lack of control. on ecstacy i just didn't care what ppl thought. "So Kyle was being serious." he closed his eyes for a moment n Paula started slowly rubbing his stomach. in the same tone, he said, "Yeah." i started rubbing his belly, too, only a little faster than Paula was. "I'm sorry."

i don't remember what his response was, and we walked across the street. Ben was over there and I said "HI!" again the same way i'd been saying it to everyone i saw that night, lol. they talked and Paula then went with him and a few other ppl n i still had my arm around J's arm. we went back across the street to the corner we'd been on, he talked to some more ppl, n then we were off. I don't know why we kept walking down the street in the direction all those other ppl had gone, but we were. He was supposed to meet someone in that direction, altho neither of us were sure exactly where. i still had my arm around his arm n he asked, "Can you jog?" "Jog?" "Yeah, I'm really cold, i wanna jog." i giggled. i'm in horrible physical shape compared to J, but i was really cold, too, so even tho i'd end up horribly embarassed, it still sounded like a good idea. "Ok, let's jog!" "Ok ready?" "I'm ready!" it was funny how excited we both were, lol, or at least how excited i was. We started jogging n it actually felt REALLY good. i'm in such bad shape that i usually hate it, but it felt really good to move my body and feel the air and everything go past me. we stopped after a little bit n then he said, "Here, i'll give u a piggy back ride." a piggy back ride? "yeah, come on." this i didn't like the sound of. "Are you sure u can lift me?" in a very duh tone he said, "yeah!" "I'm kind of heavy." "psh" I got on his back n he lifted me with ease. He told me to just make sure i didn't choke him n i said, "Ok!" i thought he was just going to walk, but he started running!! lol, i couldn't believe he was trying to jog w/ me on his back! (btw, i weighed myself after i showered today, n w/ a towel on my head full of wet hair n a tampon in my pussy i weigh about 135lbs) after a while he stopped jogging n started walking again. I put my head down on one of his shoulders. this was fun. my arms were cold n my hands still felt clamy, but the rest of my body was warm and it felt really good to be getting a ride on his back. it was like getting to ride one of the elephants at marine world many years back when it was still marine world, and i really liked riding those elephants. and i like elephants. elephants are neat.

he said i was choking him again. again? i giggled n apologized n moved my hands back down to his chest. it was easy for me to hold my hands together because even tho i hated the way my skin felt, they were still fun to play with, and even before when i was outside the bathroom n they started feeling clamy, i still played with them. after a little bit he told me to get down again n that's when i noticed the huge Gatorade bottle he had. i don't know where he got it, but it was probably from this little bar area that had been there that i'd ignored completely while i was there. he drank some of it, and by this time my water bottle, which had been full as of when i left the rink, was now empty again. J was panting now. at first i was worried, but then i remembered he'd just been running, so he was probably just tired. "Oh man, do you have n e more gum?" "Yeah!" i reached in my pocket n pulled out a piece for him. (i even unwrapped it for him, lol. yeah, drugs make me a dork) he said he kept feeling like he needed to grind his teeth n that was the first time that had ever happened to him. i asked how often he does ecstacy because when i'd first asked him in May or June he said once a month, but i was kinda suspicious he'd done it more than that over the summer. he said its more like once every other month, n then he went thro his history with x. he wasn't that specific, but i think the first time he did it was last spring, n when i look back at some of our conversations n such, that makes sense. he said it was about once a month, "And then i was really dumb, and i did it three weekends in a row, and i started noticing effects." I thought i knew which three weekends he was talking about, but i found out later in the car that it had been a different three weekends that were in fact during the summer. he said he hadn't really done it since, n that he did two pills that night. i didn't think much of it at that moment, but a while later the fact that he took TWO PILLS really hit me. he'd told me months before that that wasn't something he was interested in. was this the first time he'd done that? i didn't think about that until sometime much later, tho.

i think this is when i put both of my arms around J's torso, (i'm about 5' 3" n he's about 5' 11" btw), and he pulled out his phone to call somebody. i watched him go thro the numbers, but i didn't have the attention span to read what the words on his phone said. i just liked seeing that it was colorful and bright, lol. he got to one n said, "Oh good, i thought i deleted her number," n then he called it. I thought he was talking about his now ex gf because she lives in Berkeley n we were in Oakland, which isn't that far. I knew he was worried n was trying to find a place to crash, but that would be awkward if we went there.

it turns out that he was actually calling this girl Melody. Now, as some of u may recall, over the summer J did a candy flip for the first time n had a bad experience with it, partially cuz one of his friends just totally abandoned him, n this was the friend who did it. (This is the entry where i talk about that, its at the bottom) she was with some other guy around the corner n they started talking. at that time i thought i heard something n noticed that my phone was ringing. I pulled it out n saw the area code. I didn't get Kim's #, but she'd started telling me the area code before she realized that i was struggling to send J a text telling him where i was. I let go of J to figure out what was going on w/ my phone n he went n talked to Melody. I answered too late n called the number back. She answered. "hello?" i asked. "Hi, this is Kim." "HI!" i knew it was her. :) "Where are you?" "I'm with J****. Where are you?" we tried to figure out where the other was again. There was a Countryside Inn hotel accross from the roller rink, n next to that was a vacant lot. me n J were next to the lot. I was confused w/ Kim's directions, n then she said, "Oh wait a minute." i was confused, n then, "Hey!" i turned around n it was Kim in Charity! "HI!" n i gave them both hugs. They asked what i was doing n i told them that me n J were trying to figure out what we were going to do next. at some point in the rave she'd given me her vest cuz i said my arms were cold, (yeah, i dunno wtf either) n i now somehow ended up w/ her sweatshirt. My hoodie was still in the back of J's car, n his car was in the other direction of where we were. I kinda wanted to go home at this point, but an after party could be cool, too. but it was still so cold. this sweatshirt helped, but i was so fucking cold.

The girls went across the street to a little parking lot where many ppl were meeting up to discuss their plans. J n Melody were still talking, tho, so i waited for him. It wasn't something i gave much thought to at the time, i just didn't know who else was over there n thought it would be better to wait. Melody started apologizing for leaving him n all that while he was on the candy flip, saying that because she was on drugs that was why she acted how she did. it was weird hearing them talk about that now in front of me, because the way J described feeling was the way i'd felt earlier that night when the ecstacy started kicking in- alone, scared, paranoid. only i guess his lack of comfort made him want to do more drugs so he'd feel good and i'd had no desire to do more, i just wanted to be sober again. They hugged n then Melody n the guy she was with walked off somewhere n i put my arms around J's torso and cuddled up to him again. he put one arm around me n we started crossing the street towards the parking lot. Somebody called him, i think it was Kyle, n he answered. "Yeah I'm walking over there." pause. Then, in a sad tone he said, "No, I'm with Jennifer." why was that bad? he said he'd be there in a couple seconds and then I said, "You make it sound like that's a bad thing." again, not something i would have said if i was sober, but i'm glad i did say it. "Oh, I'm sorry." he sounded like he did feel bad. "Its just that i don't want a relationship with you." I smiled, said, "Ok" and gave him a little squeeze.

But wait, a relationship could be n e thing, even a friendship.

"What kind of a relationship?"

"Oh, like a romantic relationship."

now, by all means, this should have emotionally devistated and destroyed me. but being on ecstacy, it didn't. and even in the days since, whenever i think about hearing him say those words, it still doesn't. i think it was because before I was convincing myself that i could change his mind, but the fact is, i can't change his mind if he won't let me. if he doesn't want one he's going to distance himself as much as possible from me to make sure one doesn't happen, which is what he has been doing all along. it all made sense now. and even now, still thinking about it and realizing that, i'm not sure he's still single, and i'll get into my reasons for that later.

But for now, I just smiled n said, "That's fine, I just wanna be friends with you!" and i gave him a little squeeze again. what i'd meant was "as long as i can be friends with you" so if he is still single now, hopefully he didn't misinterpret that to think that i don't want to see him n e more cuz i still do, lol. (yeah, i'm really stupid) i then thought to myself, I like J on ecstacy. he talks to me! ^-^

We got to the parking lot and this is where my memory starts to get a little jumpy in terms of the order of events. There was much walking around, much talking, much trying to find out what was going on. I ended up behind J some how n someone asked him if we were dating. He said no n i shook my head. Someone asked us how we knew each other. the first thing that came to mind was, "We've slept together," n considering that he didn't answer right away, either, i think that's the first thing that came to his, too. at almost the exact same time we both said, "From school." and that was a good enough answer. he asked for more gum n i asked for more Gatorade. he said he liked the flavor n i told him i was still chewing the same one from when i started rollin. (yeah, about two hours now) i didn't care about flavor, i just liked to chew! it also felt good to drink more Gatorade, n don't worry, every time i sipped something i always took my gum out. then he went off n talked to some other ppl n i talked to Kim n Charity some more. Charity was leaving so she needed her sweatshirt back. "Where is yours?" "The back of J****'s car." "Where's his car?" "He said Kyle was bringing it." i'd over heard him telling someone that. i tried to ask J about it again as i was taking Charity's sweatshirt off, but she had to go so the took it and for a moment i was confused. Oh well. its cold and that's painful. I saw J get a sweatshirt from somebody. I thought it was Mark, who i met at the thanksgiving rave. but J said he was going to the rave in LA? turns out it was Mark n that's who we got the pills from. The two of them were talking n i walked over there to see if there was n e new development in what we were going to do, n Mark, who had a huge blanket around him to keep warm, walked up to J to give him a hug, then he saw me walking up behind J n he gave a hug to both of us, pushing me up against J's back n i gave a little squeak in surprise. I giggled n said that same stupid hi i said that night to everyone i saw to Mark. i pretty much found myself talking to ppl i didn't know, n then someone would ask me a question that i didn't know the answer to, so i'd walk over to J to see if he knew the answer, n he didn't so he'd walk off n talk to more ppl n i'd end up talkint to these new ppl, lol.

Paula walked over. Apparently she was with us for the rest of the night, n that was cool w/ me. for whatever reason, i felt intimidated to cuddle up with her. I'm not sure why, but I did. maybe it was because I didn't know her, or because she was pretty, but i don't know. I was cuddling up against J again at this point to fight the horrible cold, and Paula asked J where is car was.

"Kyle's bringing it."

"Kyle is bringing it?"

"Yes!"

"Kyle is ROLLING BALLS right now!"

oh shit i thought. I smiled n looked up at J. the look that was on his face still makes me laugh. "uummm....shit." XD originally when we'd met up w/ Ben in front of the rink n when we got to the parking lot, he kept asking ppl if there was n e one in their group who could drive because he was in no state to be doing so. i'm not sure what made Kyle ok, but for whatever reason he was. (and apparently ecstacy is one of the drugs Melody can drive on, n this other girl agreed w/ her. i don't remember who it was, but it might have been Paula. then one of those two girls, i think it was Melody, commented on my shirt. it has a pic of J n Silent Bob on it w/ the grapling hook from Mallrats n it says "SNOOGINS" under it. she was like, "Oh, Clerks!" n pointed at my shirt! XD it made me feel so good for it to be commented on, but then my dumbass said, "actually, this one is from Mallrats." "Really?" "Yeah, cuz its got the..." i pointed to the grapling hook but couldn't get the word out, n then she said, "Oh, right!" it also says "Mallrats" in small letters somewhere on there. i think we talked about Clerks breifly after that, which is my favorite Kevin Smith movie n one of my favorite movies ever, n that was it.) we just kinda hoped it would make it back ok, n not long after a car pulled into the parking lot that looked familiar. was that his car? it looked like it, but he said Kyle was bringing it n there were three ppl in there! it has the right stickers in the back window, it has the right license plate...yeah, its his car! n the girl driving it was the girl Kyle had had me go w/ to find J n the guy in the passanger seat was the one she was with! Kyle was in the back behind the passanger seat, which is pretty much where i always sit in cars. As Kyle got out of the car i reached down and got my hoodie. My hoodie! Mark had given me a black jacket, tho, n by this time he'd left so i just threw it in the back seat of the car. J was still wearing the white hoodie Mark had given him, even tho he had a green jacket in the car that he'd been wearing when he picked me up n on the drive over there. w/e.

as of this moment, the plan was to go to Melody's house in Los Gatos. then it turned out she wasn't going to her house, she didn't know what her plans were. after more talking, it was determined that we were going to go to the Countryside Inn on the other side of the vacant lot because someone had a room there. Me n Paula started walking, n then the boys stopped n kept talking to someone else. Annoyed with the boys dragging their asses, she called J's name a couple times and he didn't hear her. he was on the other side of the parking lot. i looked at her n said, "I've been standing accross the street from his appartment calling his name n he didn't hear me." i thought to myself, of course he did have head phones on, but i didn't mention that to her :P the two of us made idle chit-chat, i don't remember what about. Kyle pulled out some pill bottles n started giving pills to ppl. i thought it was more ecstacy, n she thought so, too, but we found out later what it was. We walked back towards the boys in the parking lot. I guess J n i had been talking, n then i saw him swallow another pill. It was orange and looked to be about the size of an E tab. the one he'd given me had had a slight and almost fruity flavor to it. he must have swallowed it really fast, because as soon as i saw it go in his mouth i was like, "What was that?!" he smiled n started laughing. "I hope no one else saw me do that." "How many pills have you had tonight, now?" He told me again that he'd done two. At first i was confused because if that had been another E tab, that would have made it three. why would he do another one so late? but he said he did two earlier n he was saying he did two again now. I found out later that that was actually a vitamin C supplement, but at the moment i found myself smiling n starting to look at the ground again. I heard him say, "Never do more than two in one night." I was still looking towards the ground with my arms crossed to help stay warm. "Look at me," he flicked my chin the way he had before when i first saw him outside when the E kicked in n he told me to put a smile on my face. I smiled for him again now, remembering that, n i looked him in the eyes. i hadn't thought about this before, but eye contact was not a problem while i was on ecstacy. I LOVED looking at people's eyes. I found their pupils so amusing, and for whatever reason J's eyes especially looked so beautiful to me like this. "Never do more than two pills in one night," he repeated, looking back into my eyes. "It may feel really, really good, but never do more than two in one night."

Paula walked back over again. apparently she'd taken a pill n it hadn't taken effect like Kim's, too. J told her he had another one n that he'd give it to her if she wanted. She told him no n he kept offering n he pulled out n opened his wallet where he had it hidden. I was about to say, "Peer Pressure!" as a joke, (that's something i do whenever someone is telling someone to do something else, even if its something mundane n Gabby n all them back @ HSU know that), but before I could J said, "I'm not trying to pressure you or n e thing like that." Paula again said it was ok n turned the pill down one more time, n that was that. Soon enough the four of us were the only ones left in the parking lot. Paula n i started walking towards the hotel again, n Kyle n J went back to his car for some reason. I looked at Paula. "We're never leaving." She looked very annoyed w/ the boys. Finally they came n then i found out how much of a pain in the ass Kyle is while he's on ecstacy.

Around the vacant lot next to the hotel was a chain link fence n there was a hole in it. Kyle wanted to go thro the hole n thro the lot n over the fence to the hotel n we had to talk him out of it. (it was more J n Paula doing it cuz i didn't want to make n e body upset, haha. ecstacy is great) we went around the side n rather than go all the way around the corner to the front, Paula decided we were going to hop a fence. Kyel had said something about going underneith it, and i noticed that there was a large space beneith the wooden gate. I can fit thro that. n sure enough, i could. it was kind of a tight squeeze, but i made it, lol. i could barely climb stairs while i was on E, i knew there was no way i was going to figure out climbing over the gate, even tho there were notches on the side that one could stick their feet into. as i went under, i heard J say, "I didn't think of that," n Paula was already on the other side by then. J debated whether to go over or under, n ultimately he went over n Kyle did, too, but he wanted J to take a video of it cuz he thought it would look cool to have him jumping towards the camera. (it was on his phone.) we tried to talk him out of it, but we was stubborn so J finally did it.

We walked around the side of the hotel n the doors there were locked. we were going to go to the front n then Kyle said, "No, if we go to the front, they're gonna know something's up!" at first he didn't make sense, then he made that make sense, n now that i'm sober again i'm not sure how it makes sense. regardless, j called someone inside n at first it looked like we'd be kinda stuck, but then someone let us in. there were ppl sitting in the hall where the elevators were so people could find their way to the room easily, n sure enough we did. it was kinda like a suit, only there were beds in the main room n then another room w/ one more bed and some chairs to sit in, all of which were filled w/ ppl smoking weed. And no, i didn't want n e of it. I was perfectly happy being on ecstacy and didn't want n e thing to change that. besides, this isn't Humboldt County- it dawned on me later i would have had to pay for it.

Me, J, n Paula sat on the floor while Kyle did i dunno what. the three of us sat together n then Paula n J got up to get a spot on the bed. i sat there, looking around at all the ppl crammed into this little space, n i took my shoes off. I knew i was gonna be here for a while. "Jennifer!" i turned. J said, "We're getting a space on the bed." it made me happy that i was going to get to sit with the two of them on there, and i got up and walked over. Then Paula said, "Nevermind," n got up. J gave a little oh/aw n i could tell he'd wanted to cuddle w/ her. He put his Gatorade on the nightstand on this side of the bed and i sat down. i wanted him to cuddle w/ me, but he didn't seem sure what to do. He stood there, next to me, debating who to go w/ n ultimately he went over to her. i felt sad, but not enough to make much of a difference. he likes her more n he doesn't want a relationship w/ me. that's that. let's see what else is going on...

There was a girl laying down on the bed next to me. i thought about talking to her, n then she looked at me. "Just chillin." "Yeah, just chillin." we started talking after that, (i don't remember her name), and i wanted to drink more. i didn't want to drink n e more of J's Gatorade cuz i'd already drank a lot. Somewhere a long the way i lost my water bottle. I think it was in J's car. at some point when we thought we were driving somewhere, me n Paula had gotten in the back seat n waited. (i told her i ran out of water n she asked how much i'd drank. I said, "Only three bottles of water." She looked at me. "Only?" then she gave a little laugh, "You're fine!" that made me feel A LOT better. Charity n Kim told me there wasn't really a set amount, u just had to keep sipping, n considering how i'd felt then that was a god strategy. I told Paula that J had told me to drink 20, at which she laughed n then told me not to listen to him.) i told the girl that i'd lost my empty water bottle somewhere so i could refill it, n she said i could drink hers. without thinking, i sipped her water w/ the gum in my mouth n didn't realize it until after i did it. I laughed n said, "I just drank water with gum in my mouth!" "Really? You don't drink water with gum in your mouth?" I looked at her n shook my head no. then she said something about that making sense n then i told her i'd been chewing that same piece for hours.  (i'd given J three pieces at this point) Her eyes got really big n then she told me that she heard that when ppl chew gum it gets flakey n breaks apart in ur mouth, so i should spit it out. I looked at the water bottle n said, "Ok, i'll make a deal w/ u- I'll go refill this, n when i do i'll spit out my gum!" she laughed n said, "Ok." i couldn't find a trash can at first, but i did, n i told myself to make sure that i didn't use warm water when i refilled it. i sipped some more and then put another piece of gum in my mouth.

i sat back down on the bed for a little bit n now Paula was sitting in front of J, her back to him. the ecstacy was starting to hit her now. he wanted to give her a light show, but ppl kept yelling at him not to turn the lights off. (as well as ppl periodicly going, "SSSHHHH!!!" whenever the rooms got too noisy. afterall, this was a hotel; there were ppl sleeping around us, as hard as that was for us drugged out kids to understand) Kyle came and sat down next to J n Paula, n then he said, "Jennifer!" I turned, a big smile on my face. Someone calling me? how exciting! "You rollin?" looking back now its really funny that he just yelled that in a room full of ppl, n i yelled back, "Yeah!" XD "Come here, I'm gonna give you a massage!" "OK!" a massage? while i'm rollin? hell yea! i sat down in front of him the way Paula was in front of J. "I need to do something with my hands," Kyle said as he started rubbing my back. it felt soooo good! J really wanted to give us a light show, so the four of us got up cuz we were gonna do it in the bathroom. someone was in there. then they were gonna do it in the closet. there was only enough room for Paula, n then J tried to shut the door to keep the light out. as soon as the chik who rented the room saw that, she ran over n was like, "hey, hey, Hey, HEY!" i started laughing, because i realized how bad that looked, a guy n a girl going in a closet together n shutting the door, lol...oh man, sex w/ J would be ssssooooooooooooo good right now...wait, what is she asking?

"Who are you with?"

she asked all three of us this question before she realized that the three of us came together n that J was our driver. she asked more questions about our plans, i don't remember. I sat back down by our shoes n such again, n then there was some commotion over by the bathroom so i went to see what was going on. I heard a girl say, "Some guy was in there giving a light show to his girlfriend!" that stupid boy, lol. When i heard her say that i wondered if Paula really was his gf now n maybe that's why he'd broken up w/ C, but then again it was possible she'd assumed that just because it was a guy and a girl alone in the bathroom together. sometime after this i was told we were leaving, so i went to put my shoes on n as i bent over to do so i experienced on of the side effects of Effexor. if u've ever used Effexor and ur actually reading this, u can probably guess which one n why i won't say which one it is. it wasn't noticable, tho, n i figured once my shoes were on i'd go to the bathroom. Kyle, J, n Paula were all hanging out there in front of it waiting. i asked who was next in line n it was some guy. he went, n while we waited for him, J asked Kyle for money. "What do you want money for, for weed?" "No," he said. he wanted it for some other drug i don't remember now, n the three of us said no. he'd had enough for the night n didn't need n e more. he tried to tell us that he'd be ok n we still said no, n then the bathroom opened up. It was obvious J didn't like being told no, but a part of him seemed happy to hear that.

Almost as soon as i sat down on the toilet, someone knocked. "I'm in here!" Kyle said, "Hurry up, someone needs to puke!" oh shit. i tried to go as fast as i could, i didn't even get to go, really, but i guess i was too late. all i knew now was that i needed to find another bathroom because the thong i was wearing had become a mess and would start to smell, n would be especially bad if the four of us ended up getting a room some place, which for a moment was the plan. Kyle got one for us n everything, even tho we didn't want one because it was gonna cost so much, but J found us another place to go, n again we started leaving. I then remembered J's Gatorade on the nightstand n i ran back to get it. There was now a guy w/ that girl on the bed cuddled up w/ her, n as soon as i grabbed the Gatorade n started to go, he yelled, "That's mine!" was he talking to me? I turned. He was! "That's mine!" "No its not." "Yes it is, put that back, its mine!" "No its not, i saw my friend put it here w/ my own two eyes." This was bad. I was in no mood to be arguing w/ n e body, but this was J's n i wasn't gonna leave it. i could feel myself starting to freak out again n the girl he was with new it. she looked over n started tapping him. i turned n i saw that his Gatorade, which was almost full and red, was on the other side of the room. (J's was almost empty and it was orange, and i don't know if u've seen both the red and orange Gatorade, but they're very easy to tell apart.) ppl started calling this guy's name and a girl lifted up the bottle. He finally looked over to see his Gatorade, n then he got very apologetic. He must be on drugs, too, i thought. "Hey, its ok, don't worry about it, its cool." I shook his hand n then i went back with the others. "Where were you?" "I got the Gatorade!" we walked to the elevator n J left to refill it. We were waiting n Kyle was getting kinda loud. a security gaurd walked by. "Sorry sir, the elevator is kinda slow." Paula n i both looked at each other. We really wished Kyle hadn't opened his mouth, but the gaurd kept walking. J finally returned n we got on the elevator, but he went to the ice machine n started getting ice. "J****, what are you doing?!" Kyle asked. he came back n i took the Gatorade bottle n held it. "I thought ppl wanted ice," he said, n Kyle had said he wanted some before we got on the elevator. I guess he didn't remember by now. Paula put another hand on the bottle n she pushed the ice from J's hands into it. I grabbed the couple pieces she missed n threw them in there, n then he said, "Thanx."

When we got downstairs we went out a different door than the one we'd entered thro, so for a moment we were confused. we went around the block the other way n got back to J's car. J n Paula each had an arm around each other, n at first i wasn't gonna try to cuddle w/ Kyle, but i was cold so i put an arm around him n he put one around my shoulders. (He's a lot closer to my height than J is) it was funny because all he could do was talk to J about random crap, n at one point he got excited so he ran over to him, but he didn't let go of me first n he almost ran me into Paula n i squeaked in surprise again. We got to the parking lot n I gave J another peice of gum. I offered one to Paula n Kyle, but they both turned it down. Paula called shotgun so me n Kyle sat in the back. J asked her to pull out the Oakland map, (remember, he has a San Francisco one, too), and he turned on his iPod. For some reason me n Kyle started talking about frienships n how he's known J since they were in 6th grade. I told him i don't have n e friends like that n he said J was his only one. Meahwhile, J asked Paula to help w/ some directions as he called somebody n Kyle started telling the story about when they got directions from a high guy in Oakland over the summer AGAIN (he'd told it while he was sober, on the way there, too), n then he started talking about how he wanted to listen to Muse because he didn't know who they were and wanted to know. "I don't want to listen to Muse right now, Kyle." he put on Jack Johnson instead, n when Kyle asked who this was we all told him that at the same time. Whoever he'd called he couldn't get a hold of, and with that we pulled the car out of the parking lot and we were off to some guy's house. i'm not sure what time it was at this point, and i don't want to give an estimate because from looking at the text messages from the rave n when it broke up, all my others were wrong.

and i will conclude this story in part 4 :)