relationships
so tonight i'm going to the traditional dinner that i've skipped out on the last two years because now that my grandma has passed away, its going to me me, my family, my dad's parents, and my mom's dad. i feel kinda bad and i figure that i really should go this year, especially cuz who knows when another one of them is going to go. *crosses fingers its one of dad's parents* i know that sounds fucked up, but i think i'm more ready for it.
after dinner i'm going to hang out with reanna and one of her friends. i'm really excited and looking forward to it, especially cuz i was just feeling shitty thinking about what i did last year. i wanna go to another rave soooo bad, but i'm not ready to see jimmy yet, and it didn't help that yesterday i started getting...i don't know how to put it better than a "drug flashback." its like, i'm not having an actual flashback as in i'm reliving the whole experience, but its like i'll start feeling like i'm on it again. i'm used to getting those with meth, and of course they're not as bad or frequent anymore since i haven't done that for four years now, but i started thinking about new years last year yesterday and i could start to feel it- the way my limbs would feel when i'd move them, that feeling of happiness for everything welling up inside me. of course, its not NEARLY as strong as the actual feeling of being on the drug, but its still a pretty nice feeling. its like being on an very, very, very weak dosage of it. it made me really depressed because of course then i just thought of everything...n yeah, there's more stuff i would post, but my bro was on here n he let me on really quick so i could print directions to reanna's friend Monique's house, which is where i'm going after dinner. happy new years eve everybody- oh, and albert called me last night for a bit, which was awesome, n apparently he got a cell phone n he called n left me a message earlier, but the number didn't come up as it doesn't sometimes, n he said that if it didn't he'd just call me later.
