alcohol
well when i was walking up the street big pete's is on, i saw Matt. (outside hey juan's if u know arcata at all) cyn n albert's n used to be my friend matt. i had my ipod on n figured he wouldn't want to talk so i was just going to say hi n walk past him, but when he saw me he was like, "Holy shit," n he opened his arm to give me a hug, so i hugged him back. He asked me how i was doing n after a moment i said, "i'm alive." "just that?" i thought for a moment how i should answer this n i paused my ipod n took it off. i was down the street from where i needed to be anyway. i basically told him that i was stressed from school but that it had been keeping my mind off of a lot of other bullshit, and that i was excited because next week i was going to ohio to see my best friend that i haven't seen in a little over two n a half years. (that's how long ago i last visited anna :() he looked impressed almost n said, "that's huge." "yeah, so right now i'm just trying to hold onto that because i am getting the fuck out of here n taking a vacation from all the bullshit that's been going on here!" he asked what i was up to n i told him i was in town for an event for psych club n explained it to him, n he told me that he'd been planning a trip to burning man w/ the ppl that were with him n that the restaurant where him n albert work is going to be closed that whole week so everyone could go. (i will be pissed/jealous if albert goes.) i've always wanted to, but its the first week of school here at HSU n i know some ppl bend over backwards to get in contact w/ their professors so that they don't get dropped from their classes, n i think its such a hassle that i'd rather just wait until i graduate. i told matt that n he said that this year might be the last one, not surprisingly.
at some point around here, matt said that he was buzzed, which, knowing matt, probably means he was actually a little drunk. then he said something that i didn't really expect to hear: "i miss hanging out with you, jen." i hate it when ppl call me jen, but i just smiled and said, "I miss hanging out, too. more than you know." matt looked at me n was like, "really? i was always under the impression that you thought i was..." now there's a lot of things i've always thought matt was, and i knew that if he said one of them i'd have to confess the truth. what he did say, tho, is was never one of them "...some sort of asshole." i couldn't help but laugh, because i mean i guess in a way he is. he's never really been an asshole to me, but yea, i guess he is an asshole what with our fucked up senses of humor n all. i was like, "well..." n i went on to explain the different breeds of assholes.
1) guys who are assholes all the time. cocky, arrogant douch bags. they're just plain assholes.
2) then there's assholes like raver jimmy. they're good to u half the time so when they start acting like a prick, it almost makes it worse because you're just kinda like, "wtf?"
3) then there's the assholes like matt n albert, (which i told him, even tho after some of the shit albert's pulled since we broke up, i think he belongs more in the 2nd category now), which are guys that are assholes, but not really.
that last group didn't need any further explanation, matt just laughed n said, "yeah. i'm not really an asshole, but yeah." lol. before i'd explained the three groups to him he'd been arguing his case n everything, saying, "i mean, i've always thought that i'm a pretty good guy," and really he is, just like albert was. but at the same time, they both can still be fuckheads. i'm sure that there are some ladies out there, if not other men, that understand what i'm trying to say here, n no, its not that all men fit into these three categories, only the ones that are assholes do.
anyway, after that i think is when he said he'd let me go off to my event n he was gonna go back into hey juan's n drink some more. (i didn't know they served beer there!) it was a little after 7:00 now so i did need to get going, but he told me how much he missed hanging out with me, said he might go visit me up the street at big pete's later, (he never did, n albert never did either, tho i wasn't really expecting him to), hugged me some more, n then we went on with whatever we'd been doing before we saw each other. it made me feel SO GOOD to hear everything matt said. i had been surprised enough that he actually wanted to have a conversation with me, but i sure as shit didn't expect him to say any of the things about me that he said. it was just kind of like, "wow, everyone doesn't hate me." of course as i started walking up the street i realized he was drunk, n matt does tend to talk out of his ass when he's been drinking, (as all of the ppl i used to call friends, myself included, do), and since he does tend to be a nice person he probably just said all of that shit just to make me feel good n didn't really mean any of it, especially considering the fact that he's one of the ppl that told albert to walk away from me n have nothing to do w/ me anymore n when we were at the bar on my birthday apparently he told albert that n that he shouldn't have come one of the times that they went outside...but there's still that part of me that wants to believe it, that wants to believe that he does actually miss me n that he really did mean anything nice he had to say about me. i also know that part of me is an idiot, tho.
that's everything for now. now i seriously need to get dressed, take puma to the vet, n hopefully i'll have enough time to catch the bus at 10:30 so i can finish my homework before class, n then after that i'm supposed to see albert for a bit. *crosses fingers he won't chicken shit out!* i really wish i could just lay around naked today; i'm still in my bathrobe, towel on my head n everything from when i got out of the shower. it was finally warm enough for me to sleep topless last night, too! i always love sleeping nude so much more than w/ clothes.
