Depressed

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blackmamba

Depressed

Tags:

frustrated

depressed

So now it hits. That deep depression that i had most of last semester. I'd say i don't know why it's here, but I think i do. the burnout is hitting me later than usual. i'm going through alcohol withdrawls. i cheated on my diet again today, but on the plus side i'm still planning on going to the gym. no one in this area except for really creepy really older guys- with the exception of the guy i've been seeing recently who's now sick- wants to sleep with me. i'm not attractive enough to get the younger horny bastards, just the ones in their 30's + with beer bellies. I'm stressed because I've been depressed and therefore haven't been going to classes. the only jobs open fall semester i'm not qualified for. Best of all, i think i might have someone new to add to my list of people to dedicate Papa Roach's "Scars" to. Or perhaps I haven't tried to help him fix himself. Perhaps i've just given up because I know he'll be just like everyone else. He'll deny that anything's wrong and snub me. Or perhaps it's not as bad as i think it is and my disorder is making me over-react as usual. It's hard to know what's real and what's not when you're crazy. Let's not forget that today is Anna's birthday. She's 17 today. I haven't heard from her in...nearly three weeks. Of course I'm worried about her cuz she was having a hell of a time when we last spoke, but I'm planning on calling her after my last class. If no one answers I'll just leave a message and try to call someone else, which I'm sure will fail. I hate being so depressed all the time. That's not even everything I can think of to bitch about, but i'll leave it at that. Fuck i don't want to go to my next class, but I have to. I've lost all my will and motivation. I wish i could get my Nantucket Nectar bottle open. fuck me.

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dudetheregoesmy on

Re: Depressed:

:-/
<3

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blackmamba on

Re: Depressed:

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causticveracity on

Re: Depressed

Perhaps it would help if you didn't view yourself as someone who has a disorder. That helped me.

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blackmamba on

Re: Depressed

thanx. i really try not to, but it's hard when i see how it effects my life, especially when it comes to the subject of friends using drugs and alcohol. i've seen so many put themselves into a pit that they never climb out of that i get paranoid and freak out when i think it's happening again, and it doesn't help that when i've freaked out over it in the past, it turned out that i had something to be worried about and ultimately was right to be scared like i was.

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misterghoulie on

Re: Depressed

If you're feeling depressed, mebbe you should lay off the alcohol for a while. I'm not being preachy or anything, but just saying that in my experience booze has just amplified those shitty moments of angst and dispair. And at the very least you'll be free from the nausea and dizzieness and puking that'll just wind up making you feel even shittier than you were before.

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blackmamba on

Re: Depressed

the thing is, i think that's one of the reasons why i'm feeling depressed. i haven't drank in like a week and a half and wasn't planning on doing it again until spring break, so i think part of it is just withdrawls or something.