whenever i get paranoid that i'm going to die, i think of the dumbest reasons to live. like last night. like right now. this sux. my trip today is going to be incredibly depressing. I'm gonna miss Reanna and Jimmy. i have to ride alone with a bunch of strangers again and then walk to campus in the dark. it'll probably be freezing cold if it isn't raining, too. i don't know. i'm gonna go shoulder tapping tomorrow, unless i'm feeling better. i do not trust being drunk or stoned around ted...although if i was stoned i know i could beat his fucking ass. you don't fuck with me when i'm stoned. at least i still have some weed so i can do that by myself. i don't know what to do with myself anymore. i know what i want, but of course it's nothing i can have, so what to do? kill myself, or hold on and hope a miracle happens? well, like the fuck tard i am, i'm going for #2, and i'll probably end up doing the 1st option someday anyway, or atleast trying and failing again because as a huge fucking failure, that's all i ever do. well then, normally i'd watch some shit on newgrounds or brouse other blogs, but i have some phone calls i've gotta make and then i need to pack up and go. i hate being so lonely. i don't want to be alone anymore, but it's something i'm damned to and i'm trying my hardest to get used to it. we'll see how it goes. i think i spelt some words wrong. i don't care. i just want to be back in arcata again. thats all i want now.
lonely
