in one of "those" moods again...its amazing how seeing the stupidest shit can just bring u down n make u think of all those insecurities n all the ways you're not good enough n all the "my life would be better if i was this way" thoughts. i'm not sure if i'm really not happy with life or if things that just remind me of my unhappiness keep happening because really i do have a lot of good things going for me right now...i think. i don't know what's wrong and at the same time i do, and i have the power to change those things but at the same time i don't...cuz i'm classified under chickenshit. (let's see how many of u get that if any, haha) anyway now i gotta go tutor- well first i gotta pee first, but yeah- i'm sorry i'm never here anymore. i don't really feel like i'm here most of the time, too. i've been feeling really detached from ppl lately n i don't know why. i've even been feeling that way towards anna, but we talked a couple times this past week n that was awesome...well the shit we talked about sucked, but for some reason i always feel better after talking to her. i guess its just nice to feel like there's someone in the world i have a connection with since i don't really feel that way here...if i ever did...
 
   

 


 
 
hereruraisins29 on
Re: blah
i'm glad to hear from you and i hope that detached feeling passes soon.  i hate feeling that way as well.
blackmamba on
Re: blah
i still feel that way. its weird cuz in not getting close to ppl i get hurt less, but at the same time i feel so empty
mike175 on
Re: blah
I have missed your blog updates. Seems like life is changing a bit for everyone, though some things always seem to stay the same. Personally I blame the time of year. I hate this time of year and can't wait till it's over.
blackmamba on
Re: blah
i think the only reason time of year has anything to do with anything is because i'm triggering to things a year ago from now, how things were, n other bullshit happening doesn't help. i keep thinking about updating but i end up not having the time or i start feeling those detached feelings. i'm losing the desire to let ppl in, to get close to them.
jasonleeisagod on
Re: blah
I was wondering how you were. I hope those nasty people are leaving you alone. I'll pray for you.
blackmamba on
Re: blah
thanx, but i don't think they'll ever leave me alone. its like there's always someone or something to tear me down.

 
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