damn it

i have a lot of thoughts running through my head right now, n none of them are about the trip later. it sux cuz once again i feel the need to try to censor myself n i shouldn't have to because i don't know who's going to see this n making it friends only isn't going to help. i'm in the process of ignoring some things because i know it will only cause me pain, and interestingly enough this person has been causing me almost nothing but pain since they came back into my life a little over a week ago. i was worried, but i was happy i didn't have to put up w/ this shit n when this person came back i was happy to hear from them, but was quickly saddened to see that, just as i suspected, not a god damn thing has changed. (way to prove me wrong) a couple days ago i saw something that disgusted me. i mean, truly disgusted me. n no matter how much i've tried to keep this other person's feelings in mind n not tell them that, they still don't understand or are too stupid or whatever to see what i'm saying. i think i have this habit when ppl hurt me really badly of forgetting they have feelings, too. this is possibly because the first asshole that really fucked me over really didn't have n e n then nam...well, who fuckin knows. i think he did, but he obviously didn't love me like he said he did n this is one thing i've been tryin to explain to said person, but again, i think they're an idiot. (i've also been trying really hard not to tell them that, too, but here it is now, n if this person reads this n tells me to fuck off or somethin then i'll get into more details about why.) ok, i know i have said some hurtful things to this person and i'm sorry. i really am. but prove me wrong already n nothin u can say is gonna change my mind. i'm currently ignoring this person just because i've learned that its never worth it to argue w/ a moron. i feel bad cuz i know that if this person sees this they will be hurt and it hurts me to be in this position...part of me wants this person in my life still in the hopes that someday i'll watch them progress but in reality i know they're just gonna keep goin down this same road, the road i saw them start goin down about 10 months ago n every step of the way i've been proven right. i try hard not to say i told u so, n now...rawr, more details than i want to get into. w/e. maybe now they're mad enough to try to prove me wrong. or maybe they don't care. i really shouldn't, too, but i'm stupid n i care about everyone. i mean that. unless a person fucks me over i always care about everyone i meet, even ppl i haven't met. i'm a very...sympathetic person? empathetic? i don't know. but i should get dressed or somethin now. i have an extra hour cuz my first class is cancelled today, but already i've wasted much of it. now to worry about tonight...