There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so. -- William Shakespeare


Sad Chantix Dream and Lady Part Problems





My uterus gave me a big old fuck you, and I had 2 periods within 3 weeks. Blaming the plateau on my birth control. I have that implant in my arm that lasts for 3 years. I don’t have a period regularly. Usually, every two months. It expires in March, and I’m just gonna go back on the trusty old Sprintec. I’m responsible enough to take a pill everyday now. I would forget ALLLL the time before I had this implant. 



So, really sad chantix dream last night. 


Some back story- Few of the present readers of this blog frequented it back in the early days, like 2009 or so. I had a boyfriend, Dan. I consider him my “one that got away/first love”. We broke up when I went to college. We dated again 2 more times later in life, but the timing was never right. 


I found out he got married, last year, and I cried and cried and cried. OMG. I shouldn’t have been that upset. But I was I was crushed, or something to that effect. I think part of it was because I had no idea he was engaged. So no warning. And I think I was just in a low place as far as how I felt about dating and love.


Soooo my dream: I was pregnant, and I was giving the baby up for adoption, to Dan and his wife. I was so so so so sad about it. I met them at the restaurant, where  I waitress, to go over the papers. Pregnant me was sitting in one of the booths, crying, after they had left, and one of the kids I went to high school with, he was in FFA with me, came over and comforted me. It was nice. But weird, I hardly ever talked to him in high school. And damn, the sadness I felt when I woke up was awful.


Just like this despair sitting in my stomach. I was texting one of my friends, and had dinner with her and her husband before I came to work tonight, so that helped. When I get off work in the morning, I’m going to go watch “soldier coming home” videos on youtube and have a nice deep cry. 


I can’t cry anymore from my own thoughts. I have to see something and trigger my emotions, because I don’t have any, except like anger. 




schencka on
Re: Sad Chantix Dream and Lady Part Problems

Nice post. I had very similar feelings when I didn’t think much about an ex-girlfriend and then saw a photo of her through social media and had a moment of emotional realization about what might have been. 

Nice progress! Keep going!


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