it's all bullshit anyway, who cares if I don't lol, fuck them
the letter said I could call if I wanted feedback, but that could be an oppertunity for them to be nasty if they wanted, I know the mistakes I made, it would be worse for me to have my self-esteem crushed, best to stop thinking 'bout it
I want to do the volenteer work now, I could ask my manager to boost my hours, and that's what I want to be honest, but I doubt my parents would want to accept that, they'd want me to apply for something else, which I could do, but it means putting myself through the mill again, and psyche myself up, and I don't have the energy to really do that after the degree, and my parents don't understand why I can't just summon it out of nowhere. I have to keep putting pressure on them to get them to be more accepting and understanding - I had another domestic yesterday because I said I was worried about cashflow (just wanted to get it off my chest) - then they get angry and keep telling me to do stuff + I know what I need to do anyway, I don't need more pressure from home, I want to be able to tell them stuff that's on my mind without always having to fight for my right to do things in my own time, their intentions are 'good', or at least they claim, but it doesn't help, intention is important, but it doesn't give them the right to turn a blind eye to when what they do hurts the person - if they really did want to help, they'd improve their ways, and take my feelings as feedback - I get a fight when all I want is support, it makes me frightened to express my feelings, because I know they'd squarely blame me for it, and deny all responsibility
parents
