So I went and saw the doctor who is filling in for my regular pediatric gastroentinologist. He was nice. They're giving me some old low dose of an antidepressant. But because it's a different branch of antidepressants I have to have an EKG done. A heart defect is the last thing I need. It was upsetting that they wouldn't give me anything to get rid of my pain right away.

On the drive home my dad and I talked, apparently my mom never wanted to tell me I was adopted. And I think she regretted it because I had such a negative reaction to it, and for YEARS. I told my dad exactly how it happened:

"We were driving to the lake house and I asked "Mom, did I kick when I was in your tummy" and her response was "No, you were never in my tummy". "

My dad was shocked about how I was told. They had never talked about it. I feel so guilty. I told my dad the things she used to say to me. "No guys will like you if you're fat" "No one in high school will like you if you're fat" "Don't eat that, don't you want friends?" and that shocked my dad. But he admitted that mom wasn't perfect.

But I feel so, so bad inside that I hurt her for years. I only remember not wanting her to go to the movies with my dad and I. I have all these things I want to talk to her about, more than any other time in my life, now is when I need her. I wish I could just tell her I'm sorry, and I didn't mean it.

I've never looked forward to therapy as much as I have today.