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now that she's here, i can't imagine my life being any different.
I can't imagine not being her mommy.
but at the same time, i keep thinking about what i used to do.
I don't just mean before Emily, i mean before John and working and graduation and all the way back to grade 10 and 11 and 12....
Back to hang man.
Back to the stairwell.
Back to all nighters on msn with 8 million people listed as 'friends' not only on the screen but in my heart.

I do still think about you guys.
I wish I could make all of you understand why things are the way they are.
Why I never wrote you back.
Why I never called you when you were home from kingston.
But...i don't think you'd get it.
I don't think my reason is enough for you.

Now, my little girl is fussing.
She kicks her tiny legs and swings her baby arms above her head.
she opens her mouth really wide and then pulls her lips into a pucker.
My baby's hungry.
I have to go.

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shiny on

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It's cool. Your life has changed forever. And in a wonderful way.

Say hi to the little one for all of us...

-- S

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ToplessBlogger on

Re:

What he said.

Maybe some won't understand, but I do. You're a mom... it changes your priorities. It should, so don't apologize for it.

I miss you. Obviously you're busy, but try to still come around here from time to time and let us know how you (and the family) are.

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bluejeanqueen on

Re:

What they said ---

And personally, I'm just glad to see you in my inbox. I was thinking about you the other day & wondering if the baby was here yet. How old is she?

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checkit on

Re:

You don't ever have to give any reasons. It's understood.

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authenticposer on

Re:

no, you above everyone else deserves an explaination.

i just don't feel like it'll be enough...you know? like i can say all the reasons why i did what i did (abondoning everyone...you....) and the reasons make sense to me but...i don't know...its complicated. but i promise, i swear, i cross my heart that i'll explain it to you someday. someday soon. i want you to understand.

it's so messed up...you're the one person i know would understand...just.....don't give up on me yet 'kay?

i adore you, and miss you, and hope so many things for you...i promise i'll explain.