is because we always have to learn something and generally the best way to learn anything is through the hard way so we start not screwing up over and over again. It's never easy, throughout the 4 years of knowing you April you've come quite a long way. This is something we all have to expereince and it really does suck. Just keep some hope and just do your best on working on yourself it's not too late you still have your whole entire life ahead of you.