Have you ever done or said anything that you immediately wished you could take back? Or maybe that, at first, you didn’t care, but as time took its toll—rather hefty one at that—you realized a history of grave mistakes were unraveling before your ignorant eyes?

          The saddest part is, there is nothing I can do to take it back. It is too late. I have lost a part of my life; one which I had been losing for a long time, but it took that one momentous moment for what I was losing to be completely lost. Irrevocably.

          What is it that I lost? My hero. Everyone I have ever loved had broken my heart—left me—eventually. Except him. He was there for me. There was a certain understanding between us. I respected him, and thought that, in time, he might grow to respect me to. I lost my Dad.

          I mayn’t have lost my father, but I certainly lost my Dad. He doesn’t see Christina anymore, and I don’t see Dad. It hurts so much to know I let him down. Sometimes it feels as if a little man is pounding, jumping, and scratching at the insides of my stomach. When it gets really bad that little man takes out his flamethrower and tries to burn his way out, and only my blood can put the fire out before it reaches my heart.

I am sorry Dad.

I want to say I’m sorry until I am out of breath and blue,

But I know that it alone shan’t do.

I want to—of your forgiveness—beg and pleed;

My heart is broken and I just bleed.

I want to wrap my arms around you,

And assure you what I said was never true.

If only I could go back,

My mind is dead, my heart is black.

If only—if and if—if only,

Because, darling, I am so lonely.

I wish so many better things for you, my life,

But, oh, in vain, for I have only given strife.

I do declare,

For my mind is silly and without you my everything is spare.

I have no idea what to say,

Hun, believe me, with my life I shall pay.

I am sorry that I was so proud,

But where is the silver lining in my cloud?

I couldn’t bring myself to apoligize,

An empty heart was my prize.

I am sorry that I didn’t say exactly what I knew I should;

I can’t say I couldn’t, because I know I could.

I am sorry that I did say what I said;

It keeps running through my head.

There’s nothing I can do,

But pray to God you still know how much I love you.

Oh, if I could turn back time,

I would take back every word of mine.

I am sorry I failed,

And, more so, I am sorry of whom my failure impaled.

I am sorry a thousand times more,

In my heart, in my core.

I am sorry Dad.