(BTW smoking had nothing to do with my water breaking that was stress due to a shock, I was almost in a car accident the same day. Atleast that's what my doctor said "NO one's water has ever broke due to smoking"

Anyway, I decided after 4 days in the hospital - without a cigarette what would be the point now, especially if I need to produce contaminant free breast milk for a preemie.  

 Anyway, every so often I wish I could go out for a smoke, but I wander around the house and end up eating something, so I figured I would do a few exercises went I felt that way and went online for some advice on nutrition and exercise for breastfeeding moms....................yeah right!

 Want to know what I found - - -answers I didn't like. Breastfeeding or just producing milk burns about 600 calories a day. But what good is that if I can't tone the 3 months worth of bed ridden atrophied muscles I already have. Normal exercise is okay but because you build up lactic acid when you actually exercise, too much can alter your breast milk. ON top of that my stomach was "wildly ripped open" to get my son out of my a quickly as possible, you can imagine what THAT looks like, (my underwear doesn't even fit right) but do to the massive abdominal wound I ensued ( that by the way is a good 2 inches BELOW my other 1 - that's is actually laden with 2 c-sections worth of scar tissue) I can't even do a damn sit up or crunch!

Okay enough of my late night rambling, (sorry but that) I know it won't last forever, but right now is dragging on too long. The frustration is killing me.

I even looked up negative calorie foods -- but all of them are fruits and veggies and most of them my teeth can't handle. I have to have 2 or 3 more pulled (3 of which I know for a fact are broken) I bit down on a piece of gum and have of one split off, a week later another piece of gum took out the filling that was left in it. I will have a total of 8 teeth on the top and 10 on the bottom when they are done. Right now, I'm living off of peanut butter and jelly, and scrambled eggs-- hey but don't worry the dentist can fit me in for a CONSULT NEXT THRUSDAY, then they will schedule my extractions, I guess I should just be thankful I don't have to pay for it.

Sorry that was another ramble wasn't it. Anyway, I'm gonna call the NICU and check on Aiden, (don't get me started) Then I have to use the pump again at midnight, clean it up and go to sleep, then wake up a 5:30 tomorrow and do the whole damn day again!

Later