I'm in Florida right now visiting my family for the holidays. On one of my flights down here, I noticed a young couple ahead of me. I noticed several young couples that day, but they stood out from the others. What attracted my eyes to them was the way she was looking at him. Intense, playful, and full of adoration. She was in love with him in a way that I'm unable to describe with words on a blog. Very quickly I was a bit envious. I wanted someone to look at me the same way she was looking at him. I then realized that quite recently I did have someone look at me that way, but it wasn't a look I was able to return. Unrequited. It was unfortunate for both myself and the woman, but having been on her end of that exchange in the past, I know it was much worse for her. That's not a vanity or ego-driven statement, but just the knowledge that comes from having loved someone that doesn't love you back.
On a somewhat related note... After a challenging breakup a while ago and a soul-crushing money-stealing ruse when I first attempted to rejoin the single's scene, I'm now officially back and dating again. One of the things I've learned in my limited dating experience is the importance of compromise. This truly applies to any relationship, be it a friendship or something more romantic. In any relationship, no one is going to get their way 100% of the time. Both parties have to be willing to compromise and occasionally make sacrifices for the greater health of the relationship. I have found that a good indicator of my feelings towards a new someone in my life is how willing, subconsciously, I am to make compromises and sacrifices. Most of the time these decisions and actions are subconscious for me, as I don't realize until later that I've given up on something for the woman I'm seeing.
If my subconscious is guiding me to make these sacrifices for someone, I'm clearly into them. On the flip side, if I'm not making these sacrifices, I've given myself an early indicator that I'm probably not interested in this person for the long haul. It has taken me a long time to get to this point where I realize just what my brain is up to. I've continued in relationships far too long because I didn't listen to the hints my mind was sending me. Other times, I've given up quickly for superficial reasons when I didn't realize how into someone I really was.
I've seen both of these situations in the last couple days. When I get back to Wisconsin, I will have a few quiet days to myself that I will use to watch some DVDs or play some games. That's been my plan for those days for weeks and I'm really looking forward to those activities, but here come the proverbial wrenches. Before I left for Florida, I went on a date with someone and it went pretty well. Lots of laughing and mutual attraction were had, and tentative plans were made to get together again after my return to the frozen north. We've been keeping in touch via e-mail and I can see from her messages that she's trying to get an afternoon of my "quiet time" for the two of us to do something. I should be happy about this, but I'm resisting. I don't want to give up that time. As I mentioned, I'm really looking forward to that restful time alone after a very busy December. On the flip side, I've also been keeping in touch via e-mail with another woman. While there haven't been any hints yet at getting together during my "quiet time", things do appear to be moving in the direction of that possibility. And I'm fine with it. As much as I am looking forward to those DVDs and games, I would give them up in a second to spend a few hours with her. I think I'm really into her, while my feelings for the other woman might not really be there.
While I've always believed that compromise is an important part of a relationship, I have never seen it helping to pull the strings of my decision-making process so early in a relationship. Having two different women both vying for the same hours of my time and having two very different reactions to the same situation has helped me discover a little bit about how my mind works. Even if neither of these two relationships turn into something more substantial, at least I've come away from them knowing a bit more about myself and how I think early in the courting phase. Of course, my goal is to not have to use that bit of knowledge. My goal is to turn one of these two fresh relationships into something a little more long-term. And while I didn't realize it 24 hours ago, it appears that I do have a clear favorite.
