i love joey
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Sun Mar 25, 2007 7:37 pm
Lepper: Akina's back in action! WHOO!!!
Seba: ... I have a feeling I should know what that means.... Who is this Akina of which you speak?
Lepper: Akina is Amber, my gal before the Rogue regime.
Seba: Okee dokee...
so does that mean you and Natalie are done?
Lepper: Not yet. I planned breaking up with her tomarrow or tuesday.
Seba: Good luck with that then... Just make sure that she's not going to be able to hack into your account. :P
How is she though? Thought about PMing her but didn't.
Lepper: Amber? She's a sweetheart. Told her that you and Erby kept my mind straight during the chaos of loosing the Foxes.
Seba: I meant Natalie, but okay. ^_^;
Glad to know that you think highly of Erby and I.
Lepper: Nat's getting dark... think she knows what's coming at her. I got this really Scary PM from her a while back.
Seba: I meant with her self-inflicted wounds, but care to share the PM?
Lepper: Just a lot of bible verses, and saying if I break up with her now, I dont get another chance with her
Seba: Hypocrite.:P
And this is why I say she isn't a rouge. Rouges don't need anyone, and with all the stories of hers that I've read she's so dependent on someone or something; mainly you. Rogues don't stand behind a religion to cover for them as well.
Lepper: Wow! Heavy critic as always, Seba!
So I'm guessing that be a yes then.
Seba: You know it. :P
And yes to what??
Lepper:
Letting her go, so to say.
Seba:
Ah.All I can say is that it is your choice. Whatever she does or has done is not your responsibility. Natalie is married. Frankly you shouldn't have been messing around with her in the first place. That is done and over though. You know what you need to do now. Just remember you have and hold no responsibility over her actions and you never will. Freedom of choice.
Godspeed.
Lepper:
Thanks. So that will be a yes then. I am a free man... I am America.
Mon Mar 26, 2007 9:50 pm
Lepper: Nat's scaring me now. She practically exploded at me.
Seba: So.... put her on your ignored list? XD
Sorry, that didn't help anything....
Talk to her hubby maybe. What she needs is to be admitted into a "One North", so to say. It's a wing in a hospital near me that my dad got "escorted" to. *ahem* Anyways..... It houses the crazys. She really needs help, she needs to go to some sort of rehab place.
Lepper: Fuck the Rehab! Woman needs to get LAID
Seba: ....Alter-Ego? Sorry, normally you're not one to say something that would make me stare at the screen confusedly wondering if I read that right. Anyways.
Nothing you and I can do about that.... unless someone wants to inform her husband that he's not "filling" his role as husband.
Eeew, Seba made a perverted joke....
Lepper: Great, now you made ME stare at the screen!
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I had my moments, i guess... memories only last so long.... so does love i suppose... here i figured i really did find true love... stupid thing is, i had my end of the devorced papers signed months ago just for him, and he still does this....
So... i wrote the truth out in my fanclub:
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http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=8561231
I'v did my part. He's the one that gave up on me. I'v stuck with him even though him betraying me, and the skybreakers, and the lies, and the cheating... but even I have my limits. He quit on me long ago, and im only still here cos his guild needs me and he knows it.
Its not the issue that if i love him anymore... nothing like that can succeed if its one sided... and its been one sided for far to long... and theres nothing coming from his side of things.
Was he busy a few months back when his main goal was to "destroy" me? What about when he nearly forgot my birthday and he had to call at the last min after i got done crying about it? How about whenever i was there in California... he didn't come by and see me on his own accord--he had to send his other family members up to get me like if he didn't want to spend the effort into going up there with them. Or how about my last night there in California with him--he didn't even say goodbye to me! He stayed at home the next morning playing hooky when i was moved to a relatives place!
Im not saying this to be negative, im saying this flat out from experience. He's not the same, and nothing will be the same again, nor will he put the effort into making it the same, becouse he still believes what the hell THEY said about me! I'v did my damndest to patch things up, and it takes two willing people to make things work---but all he ever does is ignore, bitch, and complain about how much of a waste of space i am, and how much he fucking despised every second he was with me when all i'v ever did for him was love him every waking second of my life, treat his dream as my number 1 pride, and progress into making things better for HIM! Even if i was miserable, i made sure he was happy!
I'v held on--i'v been trying--and nothing will change cos he won't fucking accept that the only oppion that really matters is his own, and no one else's! THATS his problem! He doesn't have a mind of his own! I'v tried to tell him he CAN make his own choices--that he DOES have a mind of his own--and he IS able to do things for himself--only if he believed he could! But then he listens to these half wit, jealous, self-loving, controlling individuals that just DESPISE the way i look at life and how im constantly there for him--the way how i always tell people that they can do anything that they god damned want to do if they only TRY at it--and just becouse THEY gave up on themselves---they target ME becouse of THEIR failures--and persuade him to do things that he probibly never wanted to do in the first place! I wasn't no fucking fluke, or a one night stand--me and him had something--and it was gold until he let others step into it like if their oppion is more important then what he's learned from me directly--the real source! The real thing!
He gave up, not me. He let go, not me. He walked away, not me. He's still away, and im tired of waiting for him. I'v been waiting for him since i left California, and he's not going to change. He's only gotten worse. I cant even ask how his day is anymore becouse automatically he wants to argue. I cant even say goodnight becouse he would ignore me. You know how long its been since he even said "i love you"?
He should be lucky to have me as even a friend, cos i stuck though a lot more then i should have for him with as little as i got in return. More so cos his view of me got tainted when seba and the others that got involved made him change drastically. That once darling latino that i'v cared so much for that i'd shoot myself in the fucking chest three times just becouse he flat out asked me to has now turned into a cheating, self centered, child that only looks back and takes pride in his ex girlfriend amber that sold him out for some damn colored pixals here on gaia!
Go on and think im a bad guy, everyone else seems to be falling down that path. But in my experience as an adult, im the only one thats standing in this battle, and everyone else is running blind like if the world is perfect. Mine? Always will be a battlefield, and it'll keep shedding blood until i finally discover my real soul mate.
Him? Care about me? Lep's broke up with me long ago. He threw the ring he planned to give me away after he listened to others thoughts. He doesn't even believe in me anymore. He thinks i never loved him. He thinks i used him when i have nothing to use him for in the first place. How can i use him? He's in high school, no job, no carrier, and nothing in his name. All he had for the longest time was me, and I gave him everything i could. $1,400+ of everything i could! It takes a friend to be there for someone, but it takes a best friend to take the time to give them more then just some petty words!
I have every right to say every word up there, and i don't regret a single one of it, becouse it is nothing but the full fledged truth, and i will not alter it becouse of what you believe is true to what i KNOW is true.
He's not going to change... and he has no idea what he threw away.
