I couldn't sleep much last night. Well, actually, I got home around six, watched the news and a bit of Wheel of Fortune, and then fell asleep (at about quarter after seven) 'til around ten. Because I had slept for those two or three hours my sleep cycle (which is always a swinging pendulum of crazy ass insomnia anyway) was way out of it.

I watched TV for another hour or two. (On a side note I have to get this thought out of my head. It's totally off subject, I know. Ok, is it just me or does anybody else think that Law and Order has become really preachy lately? Last nights episode was all about the war and how evil Pentagon billion dollar contracts are. I don't disagree with the point of the eppisode, but please don't turn the entertainment into a bunch of crappy, lecture stuff.)

So, I tried sleeping again but couldn't. So I gave in and made a pot of coffee and just decided I would read my book and drink coffee all night.

(I'm just getting to my point, hang on)

The novel is A Long Way Down by the English author Nick Hornby (one of my favorites)

In the book the four main characters have joined a suicide pact of sorts. They are trying to look out for each other until (what I think is) the inevitable.

Two of the main characters, Maurene and J.J., have this conversation about what it would take for them not to jump off of a fifteen story building (as they plan to do). J.J. asks Maurene what she would ask God for. Her answer was that just having a meeting with God would be enough, because in God infinite wisdom if he wants you to live it’s got to be hard to say no.

So, J.J. asks her if it were a president or Prime Minister with cosmic powers that can get thing done what would she ask for. The two start calling this person "Cosmic Tony" (because of Prime Minister Tony Blair).

I thought it was a very funny and interesting concept of discussion. Of course, Cosmic Tony is only man (and a made up one within a fictional story at that) and can't, say, take back fifteen years of a person's life (the thing used by J.J. to answer his own question).

If your life was on the line what would you ask for to save your life?

(You don't have to answer that. I was just wrapping up my point, which I took forever to get to)

It's quite deep, really. This is the stuff that normal, nonsuicidial, people may only face once in a lifetime, if that. I'm not suicidal but this book has made me think about life and unhappiness. If I were on the roof of a fifteen story building and was offered this question I would probably ask God for my sister and myself not to have our syndromes (which would be major life changing stuff). My Syndrome has not cause much unhappiness (and as far as I can tell, not my sister either) but still, it would be very nice to see my sister living a "normal" life and my life would be a lot easier.

But, if it were Cosmic Tony (who is mere mortal not God) I would probably have to think much longer about that one. I can't even think of a half way decent answer right now. 

 But, being that I don't want to off myself  (and this is all hypothetical) the question is kind of inconsequential, isn't it?.

Thanks,

Mark