spicy pork
1.Voice Mail System: To mark this message as "Important" please press 11.
Church: THERE IS NO 11 YOU FUCKING WHORE!!!!!
2. Kaboose: Don't worry, he has not tried to bite me at all!
Alien: BLARGH
Kaboose: ...since the first time he bit me.
3. Tex: He didn't scare the crap out of him, he scared the SOUL out of him.
[Someone, can't remember who...]: Ah his soul is made of crap.
4. Kaboose: Doctor Doc, please you have to help him!
Doc: Uhhh I don't know what I can really do to help him. My first aid procedures aren't very effective AFTER DE-COM-PO-SI-TION!
5. Kaboose: I'm Ok! I'm ok!
......
I'm not ok!!!!!
6. Griff: GO HOME.
Griff's Sister: WHAT?
Griff: GO HOME RIGHT NOW. Get in your ship, don't crash it, and fly it home. RIGHT NOW.
Sis: Whatever. MAKE ME.
Griff: As much as I don't wanna ruin my reputation as a do-nothing slacker, I will not hesitate to beat you senseless and drop you in that ship myself!
7. Griff's Sister: Well you always looked after me when mom ran away to join the circus...
Simmons: W-Wait a second, your mom is in the circus? Y'know, at first I didn't like you but you've already made my insults 45% more efficient by just saying one sentence.
8. Doc: Great! Once we learn all the colors, we'll learn why you shouldn't judge people by them.
9. Tucker: What the fuck happened?
Kaboose: Oh, well, uh, as you may remember you were impregnated by an alien visitor who was on a noble mission to save his entire species from the...
Tucker: Can I get the short version of this?
Church: Yeah: you got knocked up. You got knocked out.
Tucker: Oh, right. I need to start working out. Lose this baby weight.
Kaboose: Yeah y'know w-we should all start working out, y'know, uh, especially some of *us*.
Tucker: Yeah some of us seem to have let ourselves go more than others.
Church: You guys talking about me?
Kaboose: Wel-yeah, I didn't want to say anything.
Tucker. Yeah, that's why we said something...FATTY!
Church: Hey, back off guys I've been under a lot of stress! I've been carrying this whole fucking team!
Tucker: Where'd you carry us? To the buffet?
Kaboose: He said it!
Tucker: What are you guys doing up here anyway? What's that huge thing??
Kaboose: It's church.
Church: HE MEANS THE SHIP, KABOOSE!!
Kaboose: He said it!
10. Griff: You're the chattiest corpse I've ever seen.
11. Griff's sis: SERIOUSLY, what the FUCK are girly laps???
12. Simmons: Girls can't be color blind!
Griff's sis: Ya, well they said girls can't ejaculate either, but GUESS WHAT?!
Griff: WHAT!
13. Church: Don't be snarky!
Tucker: Sorry dude, it's the hormones. I just had a baby!
14. Church: ...he's a lot like me.
Tucker: A lot like you??? SHIT! Do I have enough time to put in my earplugs and hide all our food??
Church: Up yours, dickhead.
15. Griff: What?!?! I'm negotiating a hostage!
Church: Got any money money??
Griff: Fuck you, dude!
16. [Blue team asks if there was anything else on the ship.]
Griff: Nope, just the girl! There weren't any more aliens for you guys to fuck!
Tucker: [Talking about Griff's sis] That's ok, we can fuck this one!
Griff: GOD DAMN'T! Never mind just send her back!
Tucker: No take-backs!!
Griff: Aww what the fuck??!!
17. Griff's sister: Oh, cool you have a dog??
Tucker: That's not a dog that's my kid!
Griff's sister: Oh, cool! You have a kid that looks like a dog??
Church: Nice save.
18. Kaboose: Is she a mean girl or a regular girl??
Church: Kaboose, what did I tell you?
Kaboose: That there are no regular girls.
19. Tucker: It's ok baby, I'll protect you!
Sister: Ya, that's what the last guy said and now I can't stop scratching.
Tucker: Ok...never mind.
20. Tucker: Dude we finally have two girls on our team. Do you know what that means?
Kaboose: Yeah....Coed softball teams! I'm gonna go get my baseball racket.
21. Tucker: ....I will rock your fucking world.
