Hannah, I already sent it, so don't even bother lecturing me on my attitude problem. I am completely aware of it.
Mr. Collette
It has come to my attention that you no longer have any voice in the reception of my diploma or high school graduation. In accordance with this information, please allow me to take this opportunity to express to you my heartfelt thanks for all the help you have been in my media education. Were it not for you, I may have had the opportunity to enter some of my favorite creations into the Utah High School Film Festival. Thank you for your strict adherence to the UHSFF regulations. After all, were it not for you, bureaucratic statute would go completely unobeyed, as the film festival board seems to regularly and completely disregard minor infractions, such as a public service announcement that runs thirty seconds over the time limit. I, for one, am certainly glad that you were there to keep me in check.
I'm sure you are also aware of my all-too-frequent use of expletives in my videos, and my tasteless disregard for the sensitivities of the minority of high school students that expect to attend public high school and remain unoffended by the quality of vernacular in use by students and faculty alike. In deed, you likely saved me from a very well-deserved bitch session (oh, look, there I go again) by the paranoid administration and whiney parents. In deed, I was out of line. I can't say that I didn't anticipate your censorship of my music video; after all, I did submit to you an edited version (unsure as to whom I pledged loyalty: your "Mormon ears" or the intellectual rights of the artists who created the material). But then, I failed to anticipate the overwhelming amount of mental coordination that would be required to remember that I'm smart enough to place the recording at the beginning of the tape, rather than at the 0;03;30;00 mark. Or, perhaps it was a mistake to hope that you would honor the first amendment to the constitution of the United States of America and remember, after having watched the edit, that it existed at all. This appeared to be far to confusing for any employee of public education to understand. Even so, I expected that you would deny me entry from the festival, should your mental capacity be sub-par. Thank you, then, for cutting the audio of the second video in order to ensure that I was sufficiently humiliated in front of the class. Any other reaction would have failed entirely to teach me my lesson in the unacceptable nature of profanity.
If you are still reading this far into this email, you must either be a glutton for punishment, or else completely lost in the ideological maze that is sarcasm. Though I have, on more than one occasion, overestimated your innate capability of intelligent thought, I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and expect that it is the former possibility. If I am wrong, well, don't fret; sarcasm is an intellectually challenging mode of communication, and I am sure that somewhere out there, there is a technologically savvy short bus more than willing to shuttle you to and from Timpanogos High School.
A most sincere thank you,
Joshua Tobler
sarcasm
