Somebody I 'Forgot' To Tell You About...

Well, I really shouldn't say that I 'forgot' to tell you about somebody. I suppose you could say I saved this blog entry to tell you about her.
Unfortunatley, it's been a week since I last... 'talked' to her, I suppose you could say. It's been a week since I've felt comfortable around her.

Her name's Dixie. I split our close bond up, for many personal reasons. We were really close. How do some people describe it? 'Tight'? Is that it? ....Really doesn't seem down my alley, though. I didn`t put her in my blog list in the previous entry because I thought I would mention her in my second entry.

I can't really describe why I broke up our friendship. I suppose I was just getting fed up with the way I was being treated. I was becoming irritated with being treated terribly, and I was getting sufficently annoyed at the fact I couldn't help her. I was just getting upset in general, and I noticed that the amount of good times we used to have were slowly and gradually decreasing as time went by.

We first met in October 2006, online, over a writer's website. Sooner than later, we discovered we had so much in common... For a long while, she was the only one that I could talk to about anything - including the problems that life brought me.
But in February 2007, that changed. A big issue came up, and it left tears streaming down my face. I had never been so heartbroken, or so hurt, in my lifetime.

That was when I should have left it alone. Little did I know that all sorts of things were going to pop up, things I wouldn't be able to handle on my own, and things that I wouldn't be able to fix or make better. As 2007 and 2008 quickly progressed, I soon came to realize that I wasn't myself anymore. I had a haunting pain within me that was eating at my insides, and up until the end of 2008, it destroyed so much of me that it came to a point where I just didn't care anymore.
Most people don't know what it's like to have your innocence stolen, and to have your mind raped by voices that you never thought lived within you. Many don't know what it's like to feel like some monster has devoured the you that has now been left in the past.

The experience I shared with her changed me, in both positive and negative ways. In November 2008, people soon advised me that I didn't have to go through all these distraught nights, or I didn't have to live with all these mind games - ....for a price. I had to leave in order to achieve that.

...But I didn't want to leave. For the longest while, I felt like I had finally belonged somewhere. I felt wanted and loved, but soon enough, I knew I wasn't safe.

In the last weeks of December, I knew in my gut that I had to end everything between us. But I didn't know how, and I knew I would never be able to handle the aftermath that would accompany me.
January arrived, and on the 11th, I departed. I congratulated myself, knowing that was a very big step for me to take.
When I went to bed that night, I felt like my mind was missing completley. My mind didn't feel like it was physically there. I couldn`t daydream for more than five seconds without the dreams in my secret void suddenly dissappearing.

It's been a week since then. I'll just say that it's certainly been a rollercoaster. I can never go a day now without feeling content. A large part of me strongly wants to talk to her still, and another large part is saying that I just need a little break.
...But I can't go back. Nor, will I go back. I stepped out that door; into the dark, freezing cold world, and I embarked on yet another journey to find another purpose. The road is long, and nobody said it was going to be easy. But I'm ready to move on, now. That`s not to say that she won't forever remain within my mind. A shared friendship like hers certainly won't be forgotten.

P.S: If she's reading, I DIDN'T copy you. You have your blog, and I have mine. I have been working on my previous entry long before you made your blog. Plus, it's one of my side goals to have one. So, please, with all due respect, just leave your accusations out of this.

P.S.S: Many thanks to all those who left comments! I wasn't expecting them at all, so thanks for being so generous! ^^