February 21st, 2009 - Top Blog: 7th Place; 1:23 P.M.
GRIEF, PEOPLE. XD
Vicki, one of my longtime best friends since Grade Five, recently told me over MSN that her boyfriend broke up with her that she had been dating for about a year and a little bit. She's been telling me since how upset she's been about it, and I keep trying to comfort her.
I went to Youth tonight, saw Myles. But soon enough, Jocelyn (one of Vicki's friends, she kinda annoys me though - she's a big chatterbox)came up to me and told me that Vicki needed me. I looked around, and noticed Vicki had disappeared. I followed Jocelyn into the ladies washroom, to find a worried Jocelyn, torn up Vicki, a concerned Marissa (another one of my buddies who is nearly 20) and a confused me. Vicki hadn't been crying, but I could tell by how red her eyes were that she had been. The poor girl.
We kept telling Vicki how everything would be alright in the long run. I told her that there were many better fish in the sea than her boyfriend, Matt, was. Jocelyn was back and forth, between comforting Vicki and yelling at Matt (he also goes to Youth, for some reason that is unknown). I was sort of spying on the conversations they held; only to discover that her boyfriend didn't really care. He also said, "If she wasn't so clingy, then maybe we would get back together." I raised a fist to myself, indicating how much I wanted to punch him, and whispered "jerk" to myself. I retreated back to the washrooms, and soon enough, I confessed how much I could relate to her - and then everything about the abusive relationship I was in spilled out.
Everyone looked so shocked when I was telling my story, and I could tell they just couldn't believe it as I told every detail. About the persuaded cybersex, and I only discovered today that somebody thinks it's considered "sexual harrassment"... Would it be...? And then when I got to the part of the story where I admit that I used to cut myself, I just broke down and bawled. Marissa was hugging and holding me so tightly as I buried my head into her shoulder. Then she told me to look at her, and I did - and she grabbed me by the shoulders, and told me that absolutely nothing was my fault. She asked if I was the first ones I told this to, and I said "pretty much". I told them how insane and unhappy I felt, and they said that my experience with this consistant emotional abuse must have been Satan`s work. I denied, and said it was God's - for I do believe my experience happened for a reason. Marrisa then looked me in the eyes, grabbed me by the shoulders again, and said:
"...Can I tell you something? I mean, something I know that is true."
"...What?"
"Jesus still loves you, Emily. He does so much."
And again, I started tearing up again. They kept telling me how much of a good person I was, and how much they both loved me. They kept telling me that I shouldn't take any blame for anything, and how I wasn't the bad person that she kept telling people I was.
And that was when Vicki started acting up...
She said she was becoming cold, and I noticed the red in her cheeks was beginning to quickly fade. She said she was starting to feel dizzy, and that was when she broke down so hard. Marissa and I were trying to keep her up on her feet; and Jocelyn went to get an adult. ML (short for Mary-Lynn) kept telling her to calm down, and that was when I decided to call my mom to come and pick us up. Mom agreed.
While we were waiting, Jocelyn told Vicki that her boyfriend was dating Cassandra (a girl she knows, who is 18). I frowned. How low can a person be? To break up with somebody, and start going out with your ex's friend like, two days later?
When mom arrived, I helped Vicki to the man. She couldn`t catch her breath. I asked Vicki if she wanted me to stay at her home for a few minutes, to help her calm down. She said, "Please...!"
Once mom pulled into Vicki's driveway, I quickly got out and helped Vicki into her home. Her mom was there, and Vicki broke down again. Her mom kept putting Vicki's head down. I kept telling her the same things, how Matt wasn't worth it, and how things like this just happen. I also said, "Vicki, when you become a mom, it's a good thing - because you'll be able to tell your kids this story when they go through the same thing." She kept spitting about how much she hated him, how she would never talk to him again - and how her love for him totally vanished. She stared at me hard, and said, "Emily, I wish you were at my High School!".
I remained silent for a moment, before I gently rested a hand on her shoulder and said, "Vicki... The mouth says one thing, and the heart and mind say the opposite. You may say you hate him, but deep down I know you still love him - even if it's a teeny bit. I know this is really heart breaking for you, but you're bigger than to be emotionally torn up by some jerkface like Matt."
Then Vicki's mom commented about how beautiful my smile was. I laughed, and thanked her. I said I had my mother's smile, and I told her how much I hated it, and covered it up with my hand. She told me to let it show, and then said that we needed more people who smile out there in this world. I agreed.
"Vicki, I know this is really tough for you..."
"I can't believe he DID that! And Cassandra, too!"
"...I know. But I can tell you, that I would never ever do something like that."
Then she rested her hand on my arm, "I know you wouldn't, Em'! I trust you, and I love you."
Then, her dad came downstairs to go pick up her little sister from a friend's house - and he offered to take me home. Vicki was looking a lot better than she had previously, so I asked her if she was gonna be okay, and she nodded and told me she would be fine. I stood up, slipped my coat on, and she hugged me and thanked me. Then her father spoke up...
"Hey," he said, speaking to his daughter. Vicki turned to look at him.
"That right there, that's a really good friend." Then I put my shoes on, got in his car, and he drove me home.
...Which leads me to here, as I wrote that blog entry.
cutting
