Lets get this straight - you don't push people away - although I haven't talked to you much you've always been civil and good around me, you're not rude or abrasive or malicious or anything, infact I've known people who are who end up popular. You actually want to stick with people, caution is understandable, but it doesn't have to affect how you deal with them. People will blame you for life because it's an easy answer for them to give, and because they know you'll accept the blame, although that gets us to think it's not helping your self esteem - that's what you need, and that's why it's so bad when people do hurt you.
If you could have self esteem, you wouldn't need people in the same way

You could say I don't push people away, but I'd just rather not converse with them so I tend to avoid people by whatever means - unless they're family or friends. I can't really stand company for long periods of time.

You just want something different than most of them I guess maybe - most social stuff is superficial and I myself don't like that environment so I don't bother with a lot of that myself. Family and friends (and coworkers) are deeper + they actually care - you can have a more relaxed and genuine, and supporting time with them without feeling expected to entertain, that's how it should be I think.

Unfortunately until you know someone, that's not really so possible, which I think is why things always start off superficially, it's the only way they know... and they're trying to break the ice, but I can't genuinely care about people I don't know so I'd think/hope you're not expected to! I think it takes time. When you're working you will spend vast amounts of time with new, adult people, and get to know them somewhat that way.

What your mum says is right, unfortunately, Emily...and being the good friend that I am, I am not going to soft soap it for you.  It is not humanity that does not want you around, it is you who so desperately want them around, but also don't trust yourself to take whatever the risk of inviting friends in, brings.

Sure, you have been hurt, very very hurt, but that is a part of life.  Yes, it hurts so much that you THINK you won't be able to go through it if it happens again. But fortunately, the many cliches are true....time does heal all things...nothing ventured is definitely nothing gained...and most of all....IT IS BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST THAN TO NEVER HAVE LOVED AT ALL.

And when you learn to open up your arms with all of you, and not to just clamp them shut again at the first sign of opposition, that is when you will have friends for more than just five minutes.  Friendships are always going to have ups and downs.  It is just that a good friendship only comes after you have truly endured some opposition but gone through it together, to the other side. If something bothers you about a friendship, don't clam up, but talk, lovingly and sincerely to the person, so that you can work it out, instead of running away.

Doing this will be showing a sign of real maturity.  Or, if you feel a bit of a cold shoulder, just be friendly, because the person may just be having a bad day, or be needing their space at that time. If you whine and complain to them that they may not be paying you enough attention, it may just run them off. So, there is a fine line between open communication and suffocating someone.  I have told you this before, when  you wrote a similar blog and I still mean what I say.

So, don't be like those cacti that open then snap shut when a fly alights on them.  Endure the storms and you will come out stronger for it.  When you get upset, give yourself time to hurt, to get over it, and then go right on back, if you truly thing the friendship is worth keeping.  In the long run, you will end up with many many friends that way.  Don't be overly demanding either. If you often put the decision of the thing into their hands, it will come back to you, if not then, then in another way. People do not want self centered or introverted friends either...so just ask God to help you be the best person you can be, selfless and genuinely caring, and with that, you will learn to be a good friend, and acquire many.

Bless you dear...you can be strong if you put your heart into it...that is what you are holding back, is your heart, for fear of it getting broken...but it is worth breaking over and over again, because you gain many many loves..and a lot of great memories and education along the way.

Love you, Em
bonnie