writing
Make sure you stay well away from abusive guys! They have no right to be abusive, but it'll happen if they can, please, for your sake don't choose that life for yourself! I get cynical that women so often do willingly choose bad guys, sometimes knowingly for the excitement of a 'bad boy' or charmer - you must've heard that men believe being nice is a bad thing, there's not much reason for guys to be anymore, just out of principle really... because nice seems to actually have a negative effect on attractiveness, they will always be friends, but never usually considered for any more, or so it seems...
(sorry just frustration with the past speaking there)
I guess it's a case of each person finding someone who appreciates them for who they are
(sorry just frustration with the past speaking there)
I guess it's a case of each person finding someone who appreciates them for who they are
Of course! I TOTALLY agree with you! But the same thing goes for us women, too (I've heard of stories where men are the abused ones, but more commonly, it's with the men... Not that I'm placing labels on anybody, here.)
But, I've met guys who are really sweet and kind - but I get the rare time where I think it's a mask. I don't know, though.
But did you enjoy what you read, regardless? Sorry for being so pressy, I'd just like to know.
But, I've met guys who are really sweet and kind - but I get the rare time where I think it's a mask. I don't know, though.
But did you enjoy what you read, regardless? Sorry for being so pressy, I'd just like to know.
Good! 
I think the gender pattern is to do with the way society is - since the expectation is on men to ask, pushy men, full of confidence, determination and manipulation, are much more visible on the market, and quiet ones just plain don't get involved at all, so most relationships that do happen will involve pushy men, before considering everything else those men do to shape things in their favour! Men push each other into submission, as can rival women, depends on the person.
I do like it + it appreciates + shows the contrast between men - and that I've always been a weak reader; I always have trouble concentrating or visualising, or engaging, but I can still imagine my old chemistry teacher! (with the specs and gentle nature, and how I'm imagining a stripy sweater lol - also I know a few guys called Matt [freeman, avery, one I dare not say] - gets confusing with the tannoy system at work! lol). The most important thing to me out of all of this is what's behind it- knowing you'll avoid abuse - think of how much you've saved yourself through realising now!
I think the gender pattern is to do with the way society is - since the expectation is on men to ask, pushy men, full of confidence, determination and manipulation, are much more visible on the market, and quiet ones just plain don't get involved at all, so most relationships that do happen will involve pushy men, before considering everything else those men do to shape things in their favour! Men push each other into submission, as can rival women, depends on the person. I do like it
+ it appreciates + shows the contrast between men - and that I've always been a weak reader; I always have trouble concentrating or visualising, or engaging, but I can still imagine my old chemistry teacher! (with the specs and gentle nature, and how I'm imagining a stripy sweater lol - also I know a few guys called Matt [freeman, avery, one I dare not say] - gets confusing with the tannoy system at work! lol). The most important thing to me out of all of this is what's behind it- knowing you'll avoid abuse - think of how much you've saved yourself through realising now! 
You have the beginnings of a great little story here, Em! I know first voice takes a bit of work, and you may need a bit of help (which I'd love to make some suggestions if you want me to) to get it perfect, but I think you have done enough to hook the reader in and cause them to wish for more, and that is how a great story is written.
But, from a personal point of view, if it had been my husband...first of all, I would NEVER have been able to leave him to get his own dinner even if he was late. If the food was to be microwaved, it had to be done by me. In fact, he would usually call and say he would be home in so many minutes and that was my cue to drop everything and warm that food up, so that when he stepped in the door and finished looking through the mail and/or changing clothes, he could sit down and eat. I would have put the coffee on to drip as well, so that he could have it, right there, next to him when his food was finished. I still do all that, by the way, since I have spoiled him so much. He doesn't demand it as much but would freak out if I said, oh, just warm up your own food...unless we are on our way out and I was getting ready or something.
He eats cereal or scrambled eggs with meat and cheese every morning, and if it is eggs, i have to mix up the eggs, butter, ham and cheese in a bowl, so that all he has to do is microwave it in the morning. He also eats salad every single day. This is not just a simple three part salad. NO; this is one with tomatoes, carrots, peppers, ham, cheese, pickled beets, apple, cheese and vinagrette dressing, that I have to stand and chop and make every day so that he can take it to work the next day. It is no trouble while I am not working, but when I worked a full day, came home and cooked, still had to go out to church if it was Wednesday, do his ironing (which I do every night as well for the next day...he will not go out without his clothes ironed, even if they are jeans).....then it is totally cruel to come home after church and still make that bloomin salad and do his ironing before I can even think of relaxing for myself. I have found myself hating him for it, even though I do know he has to eat.
And when you say the lady put on her coat and went out....no way!!!!!!!!! Especially if I wouldn't tell him where I was going, or that I needed a break? Hell no! He would demand where I wanted to go, and say that I had to stay home with him where I belonged, that I had all day to do anything I needed to do out of the house. The only "breaks" I would get from him were the times I got into bed early and tried to sleep even if not sleepy, just to be away from him and his "remarks" or an even greater fight, which often came to blows. Or I would stay in the bathroom longer, in the kitchen doing something or just general "busy" work, to be away from him, but being able to go out without a legit reason was an absolutle no-no.
On the rare occassion that there was a reason I had to be out without him, he would want me to be back as soon as it was over and would phone me, at their home before cells, or on my cell, after I got one. So, I was like a bird out of a cage when he was not around and everyone knew it. They all knew the "look" he gave me when he wanted me to shut up, or the remarks he threw my way or said about me that made me look stupid in front of everyone else. They also knew he would argue me down in front of everyone, not caring who was in the vicinity, and not bother that the kids were around either, when he wanted to pick a fight about one thing or another...and of course, I was always the one at fault...he was never wrong.
You also said that she tried to press him to tell her what was wrong. That could not happen in my house, either. That is why so many fights started in the beginnnig; because I had not yet learned the signs that he was getting mad and to shut up. And I was too stupid to do it when I did know. I thought that I should be able to have my opinion, even if I disagreed with him, and kept arguing, until he lashed out. If I had only known, that nothing mattered, that who cared what my opinion was, as long as there was peace. If he came in, as you say the man did, and started looking belligerant, I would know right away just to answer his questions and maybe say a cheery thing or two, but if he looked like he was angling for a fight, I would just keep quiet and try not to egg him on. To keep asking him what was wrong, was not good. Men always go into their caves when something is bothering them, and if and when they want to tell you, they will, otherwise, it is just best to keep quiest. They usually do tend to tell after they have mulled it over in their minds anyway.
Also, to tell him about the problems of the day before he has settled, eaten and had a bit of a rest, is not a good thing. It was always best to have things neat so that he could not bitch about how the house looked as soon as he walked in. They always find something to bitch about, so the best thing to do is just not give them anything to set them off. And also to try and be neatly dressed or cleaned up when they come in, too...oh gosh....to an abuser, you don't even have to do anything wrong, so just trying to keep the peace is a major thing, and that is why I felt at times like I was going to have a nervous breakdown. Hell, with three small children to raise and a house to clean, dinner to cook (he refuses to eat sandwiches) it is almost to keep on top of everything, but of course, they think if you don't work, you sit around and do nothing all day. Bu the thing is, that I worked most of the time, so it was doubly difficult to keep things going peacefully.
Anyway, that is my two cents' worth, Emily. Some men are just cruel for cruelty's sake and nothing you can do can stop them....as Matt said (bahamatt), you have made a contrast between the two men. But also, when a woman is abused, she is very vulnerable and tends to gravitate toward sweet men like him so that they can feel validated and like a human being again, worthy of acceptance and not considered to be stupid.
Thanks for sharing this...I think it is going well.
If you want to read any of the little stories I have written, just let me know and I will give you the link to them.
Hugz
But, from a personal point of view, if it had been my husband...first of all, I would NEVER have been able to leave him to get his own dinner even if he was late. If the food was to be microwaved, it had to be done by me. In fact, he would usually call and say he would be home in so many minutes and that was my cue to drop everything and warm that food up, so that when he stepped in the door and finished looking through the mail and/or changing clothes, he could sit down and eat. I would have put the coffee on to drip as well, so that he could have it, right there, next to him when his food was finished. I still do all that, by the way, since I have spoiled him so much. He doesn't demand it as much but would freak out if I said, oh, just warm up your own food...unless we are on our way out and I was getting ready or something.
He eats cereal or scrambled eggs with meat and cheese every morning, and if it is eggs, i have to mix up the eggs, butter, ham and cheese in a bowl, so that all he has to do is microwave it in the morning. He also eats salad every single day. This is not just a simple three part salad. NO; this is one with tomatoes, carrots, peppers, ham, cheese, pickled beets, apple, cheese and vinagrette dressing, that I have to stand and chop and make every day so that he can take it to work the next day. It is no trouble while I am not working, but when I worked a full day, came home and cooked, still had to go out to church if it was Wednesday, do his ironing (which I do every night as well for the next day...he will not go out without his clothes ironed, even if they are jeans).....then it is totally cruel to come home after church and still make that bloomin salad and do his ironing before I can even think of relaxing for myself. I have found myself hating him for it, even though I do know he has to eat.
And when you say the lady put on her coat and went out....no way!!!!!!!!! Especially if I wouldn't tell him where I was going, or that I needed a break? Hell no! He would demand where I wanted to go, and say that I had to stay home with him where I belonged, that I had all day to do anything I needed to do out of the house. The only "breaks" I would get from him were the times I got into bed early and tried to sleep even if not sleepy, just to be away from him and his "remarks" or an even greater fight, which often came to blows. Or I would stay in the bathroom longer, in the kitchen doing something or just general "busy" work, to be away from him, but being able to go out without a legit reason was an absolutle no-no.
On the rare occassion that there was a reason I had to be out without him, he would want me to be back as soon as it was over and would phone me, at their home before cells, or on my cell, after I got one. So, I was like a bird out of a cage when he was not around and everyone knew it. They all knew the "look" he gave me when he wanted me to shut up, or the remarks he threw my way or said about me that made me look stupid in front of everyone else. They also knew he would argue me down in front of everyone, not caring who was in the vicinity, and not bother that the kids were around either, when he wanted to pick a fight about one thing or another...and of course, I was always the one at fault...he was never wrong.
You also said that she tried to press him to tell her what was wrong. That could not happen in my house, either. That is why so many fights started in the beginnnig; because I had not yet learned the signs that he was getting mad and to shut up. And I was too stupid to do it when I did know. I thought that I should be able to have my opinion, even if I disagreed with him, and kept arguing, until he lashed out. If I had only known, that nothing mattered, that who cared what my opinion was, as long as there was peace. If he came in, as you say the man did, and started looking belligerant, I would know right away just to answer his questions and maybe say a cheery thing or two, but if he looked like he was angling for a fight, I would just keep quiet and try not to egg him on. To keep asking him what was wrong, was not good. Men always go into their caves when something is bothering them, and if and when they want to tell you, they will, otherwise, it is just best to keep quiest. They usually do tend to tell after they have mulled it over in their minds anyway.
Also, to tell him about the problems of the day before he has settled, eaten and had a bit of a rest, is not a good thing. It was always best to have things neat so that he could not bitch about how the house looked as soon as he walked in. They always find something to bitch about, so the best thing to do is just not give them anything to set them off. And also to try and be neatly dressed or cleaned up when they come in, too...oh gosh....to an abuser, you don't even have to do anything wrong, so just trying to keep the peace is a major thing, and that is why I felt at times like I was going to have a nervous breakdown. Hell, with three small children to raise and a house to clean, dinner to cook (he refuses to eat sandwiches) it is almost to keep on top of everything, but of course, they think if you don't work, you sit around and do nothing all day. Bu the thing is, that I worked most of the time, so it was doubly difficult to keep things going peacefully.
Anyway, that is my two cents' worth, Emily. Some men are just cruel for cruelty's sake and nothing you can do can stop them....as Matt said (bahamatt), you have made a contrast between the two men. But also, when a woman is abused, she is very vulnerable and tends to gravitate toward sweet men like him so that they can feel validated and like a human being again, worthy of acceptance and not considered to be stupid.
Thanks for sharing this...I think it is going well.
If you want to read any of the little stories I have written, just let me know and I will give you the link to them.
Hugz
This is... a really long comment. So I'm not going to respond to it all.
I shall admit, I have a really difficult time accepting critsism - considering, well, I've been writing for years and I've always dreamed of "getting it right"; and I never really have. Thanks for the tips, though - as I could always use them later on within the story. Of course, since I wasn't really in the "real thing", I just figured what I felt for the past two years would have been similar - so I only went with that.
I don't know if I'll finish it now. I knew I shouldn't have shown it to anyone; but my eagerness gets the best of me. Knowing me, I probably won't finish it, becuase now what I had in mind doesn't seem correct at all.
All I can say is; "Oh well".
I shall admit, I have a really difficult time accepting critsism - considering, well, I've been writing for years and I've always dreamed of "getting it right"; and I never really have. Thanks for the tips, though - as I could always use them later on within the story. Of course, since I wasn't really in the "real thing", I just figured what I felt for the past two years would have been similar - so I only went with that.
I don't know if I'll finish it now. I knew I shouldn't have shown it to anyone; but my eagerness gets the best of me. Knowing me, I probably won't finish it, becuase now what I had in mind doesn't seem correct at all.
All I can say is; "Oh well".
Emily, I was not 'CORRECTING' you, silly goose. I was just telling how it was with me. The scenario that you told about could truly have happened in an abuse case...some are just worse than others.
The only reason I spoke about it was not to tell you anything was wrong with your story, but because it brought all of that awful stuff that happened, back to me. And I know it was not because it was long that you hesitated to answer, but because you thought I was criticizing your writing, ....BUT that is not true, in the least...you are going to go very far with your writing, in fact...and of course, you haven't "gotten it right" yet because you haven't completed or submitted anything. But everything you have done up to now has been great...so stop being so sensitive already!!!!!!! (mama talking...heaven knows i wish i had been as far with my writing at your age... )
When I suggested helping you, that was a good thing, and everyone has to listen to criticism if they are ever going to improve and grow. I know it has been very difficult for me to accept it as well, but it is how we mature and that is definitely one thing you are going to have to learn. And I wasn't meaning corrections to the story line, just to little spelling errors or suggestions of a better way to make something sound, just to improve the grammar or whatever.
I love you, Em, and would never do anything to hurt you, so don't look at it that way, okay? And do please finish the story; I am truly looking forward to reading it...and anything I say will only be for the good, okay?
Hugzzzzzzzzzz
The only reason I spoke about it was not to tell you anything was wrong with your story, but because it brought all of that awful stuff that happened, back to me. And I know it was not because it was long that you hesitated to answer, but because you thought I was criticizing your writing, ....BUT that is not true, in the least...you are going to go very far with your writing, in fact...and of course, you haven't "gotten it right" yet because you haven't completed or submitted anything. But everything you have done up to now has been great...so stop being so sensitive already!!!!!!! (mama talking...heaven knows i wish i had been as far with my writing at your age...
) When I suggested helping you, that was a good thing, and everyone has to listen to criticism if they are ever going to improve and grow. I know it has been very difficult for me to accept it as well, but it is how we mature and that is definitely one thing you are going to have to learn. And I wasn't meaning corrections to the story line, just to little spelling errors or suggestions of a better way to make something sound, just to improve the grammar or whatever.
I love you, Em, and would never do anything to hurt you, so don't look at it that way, okay? And do please finish the story; I am truly looking forward to reading it...and anything I say will only be for the good, okay?
Hugzzzzzzzzzz
Sorry for sounding so self-centered and all "perfectionist" in my last reply; I read it over and it just makes me sound... Ugh. You know. XD
I thought you were making some "corrections" with my original storyline, was all. It just sounded that way (not that it's your fault at all, by any means!).
And absolutley, I'm all up for grammar and all that other stuff (present tense is really new to me; so there may be some "past" tense stuff hidden in there by mistake).
I love you, too, Bonnie. And yup, I'll try to finish it as soon as I can! But, with me anyway, all art takes time to "perfect" it, so... I'm taking my time, I guess.
*Hugs*
I thought you were making some "corrections" with my original storyline, was all. It just sounded that way (not that it's your fault at all, by any means!).
And absolutley, I'm all up for grammar and all that other stuff (present tense is really new to me; so there may be some "past" tense stuff hidden in there by mistake).
I love you, too, Bonnie.
And yup, I'll try to finish it as soon as I can! But, with me anyway, all art takes time to "perfect" it, so... I'm taking my time, I guess. *Hugs*
Hope to hear it...you have plenty of time, dear...and you are already perfecting it every time you do any piece of writing, go give yourself credit...i can promise that you improve with each day. You have already shown signs of maturity since you have started on here, and that is great to see...like with the positive attitude...!!
Thanks Bonnie. I have discovered recently that I don't give my mind and creative nature much acknowlegement, as I did believe that everybody that everyone has it - but mine is just... special and unique, I guess. I don't know. XD
And thank you. That means a lot to me.
I have discovered recently that I don't give my mind and creative nature much acknowlegement, as I did believe that everybody that everyone has it - but mine is just... special and unique, I guess. I don't know. XD And thank you. That means a lot to me.
It sure is special and unique, yes. And no, not everyone has the same talents, and also not in the same measure, as you see in the parable of the talents in the Bible. He gave some three, some two and some, one...but we must not be like the one who hid his in the ground, instead of at least taking a risk and using it to SEE if it would grow.
You and I are two speciallies....giggle. I really have to jack myself up too...I have been so freakin depressed lately, and I actually have a lot to be thankful for.
Love and hugs, my friend.
You and I are two speciallies....giggle. I really have to jack myself up too...I have been so freakin depressed lately, and I actually have a lot to be thankful for.
Love and hugs, my friend.
Of course, and again, I agree with you. But I do believe that we were made the way we were for specific reasons; that God only knows, I guess. :3
Certainly...that is why we even need to use our talents even more...and glad to hear you saying that, since your little tirades about have CP. Wuv u!
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