For years, communities all around the world have relentlessly focused to resolve the issue of violence against women. Now, women are physically attacking and assaulting their partners.

 

Some people believe that research into the abuse of male partners by women is in its infancy, and that too many groups of men’s organizations are very hesitant to accept or speak out publicly about the long hidden abuse of males by their female spouses, or partners . . . Others who are aware of the increasing violence against men all around the globe cannot help wondering, are advocates seeking justification for female violence? (Very few advocates and feminist-inclined-experts have grudgingly admitted that abusive women exist.)

 

Have battered men become society’s invisible victims? Is this reversed abuse? Is society in denial? Do the people in our communities feel uncomfortable or are they embarrassed to admit that females may be as guilty as males of domestic violence? Could the reason for the increase of male victims that goes unnoticed be due to our communities and media having become accustomed to giving men the right to violence, while portraying females as enduring victims, peaceful and passive?

 

Needless to say, the continued attention given to battered females is absolutely necessary. However, why is so little attention given to men in domestic violence relationships? Why have 40 percent of abused men chosen to remain the invisible victims of domestic violence? (Wendy McElroy, www.ifeminists.com - "Perhaps the law will swing toward justice and equal treatment of battered men . . .)

 

Once upon a time, a segment on Maury Povich showed a wife who’d thrown a coffee table at her husband. At the time, the police suggested he go outside while they walked to his wife. Hence, the police did not arrest her, not only because she’s female, but because she alleged that he hit her first. The police officers believed her. After the police left, she got three guys to beat him up, in retaliation for his reporting her to the police.

 

A far more dangerous situation occurred when a female shot her husband. In this case the court system indicted her for attempted murder. During the trial, it was discovered that she was abusive from the beginning of their relationship. And although she pushed and hit him constantly, he stayed in the unhealthy relationship. If there’s violence in the home, it's because she initiated it, and the abused mate refused to strike back. Her abusive behavior escalated, but he never thought that she would shoot him.

 

The same behavior patterns and justifications battering males have used for decades to justify abuse against their partner, are now being echoed by some females when they say: "He just pushes my buttons. He aggravates me."

 

It’s been noted that abusive females behave violently because they feel anger and hatred toward their mate. And the same as abused females, the abused males are in denial about the abuse, tolerating the ill-treatment by passively claiming that, "She is loving when she wants to be. When she is on Prozac (or some other type of medication) she is not stressed out, mad or tense." Males may also profess that, "I love her. I believe in my marriage vows. I want to work it out and be a family." He will not leave the violent partner. Some abused (women) men are willing to take the chance because she does not always hate him, and there are times she really loves him. (http://www.angelfire.com/in3/shatteredmen/)

 

One of the differences is that when a male victim calls 911 to report that his wife beat him, he is given, not only minimal sympathy, but also the least possible support from the police, lawyers, prosecutors, judges and the media because most people do not take physically abused males seriously. Instead, they heckle the battered men when they confide in accepting and tolerating his wife’s abuse. (There are still jokes about abused men. There is a common stereotype image in our culture of the markedly masculine man who can take care of himself under any circumstances, which makes speaking out and getting the help needed even more difficult or emasculating. (http://www.eposib.com)

 

If poor, minority men are violated, their only option is to seek treatment at a public hospital where doctors must report suspected domestic violence to the police. However, because of the lack of support they receive from the police and the Courts of Law, legal action against the abusive female is rarely taken. The problem of violence against men is dispassionately and purposefully swept under the rug. Our communities, Courts of Law and police departments need to come to terms with the reality of battered men and take a serious look at females' potential to be dangerous.

 

In years past it was common for females to turn their anger on themselves, and males to turn their anger on others. Now the tables are turning and the females are turning their anger against their male mates. Yet society seldom discusses the issue of violent females, because people really want to believe that all women are gentle and law-and-order conscious to be qualified as abusive, despite the scientific surveys that have statistically shown that females assault their partners as often as males assault their partners. Furthermore, females are not only capable of violence, but are as actively and physically aggressive as men are. (There are approximately 250,000 battered men in this country, and this is interpreted by society and the media as if abusive females are driven to violence by men and by bad lifestyle choices, whereas men are simply naturally violent.)

 

There is a lack of equality in the justice system. Female abusers serve half the prison time a man does for the same crime, assuming she serves time in jail at all. And if men flee from the abusive relationship with their child, he’s charged with kidnaping. There are no safe havens for men who run away from abuse with their children, because the playing field is stacked against males. The justice system really needs to change the practices and customs of the courts, keep their minds and doors open to equal legal treatment of battered men. In other words, this whole phenomenon must be re-evaluated top to bottom.

 

During the last decade, legislation has called home violence the Violence Against Women Act. Unless we realize that home violence is not a gender issue, violence and resentments among the sexes will only intensify. Tragically, some men have delayed getting help and they have not survived. ( http://www.bmw99.ru)

 

Men are also Human. No one should live life in fear of another person, for any reason. Domestic violence is a two-way street; both genders are equally responsible for domestic violence, and this poor behavior should never be tolerated whichever way it goes. But if men are soon to become the next government-protected group of victims, then victim-ology as a growth industry for lawyers, social workers, experts and bureaucrats will flourish. Will battered men become the next oppressed group?

 

FURTHER REFERENCES

Violence Against Women Act Ignores Epidemic of Violent Women (Trudy W. Schuett, Publisher, Desert Light Journal/Men’s News Daily

 

"By ignoring the male victim, the Violence Against Women Act does a gross disservice to men. VAWA also violates one of our most cherished constitutional protections - equal treatment under the law. Has VAWA guided society right back into the Victorian era?" (Mother Jones - www.motherjones.com)

 

". . . in no way denying the problem of battered women or trying to downplay their grief. Violence in a relationship is reprehensible." (The Men’s Rights Agency = www.ecn.net.au)

 
   

 


 
 
DoOrDie on
Re: The Invisible Victims Circling the Globe - Violence Against Men
I've had a few ex-girlfriends try and get physical with me, it's sad how much of a double standard it is when it comes to guys putting their hands on girls being such a terrible thing, when it's almost accepted by our society that girls can put their hands on men.
FrenchRose on
Re: The Invisible Victims Circling the Globe - Violence Against Men
Good Morning Doordi -

 

This is the exact reason I felt it’s urgent to write this article and shout out the Violence Against Men issue to as many advocates and publications possible. Unfortunately, you are not alone. The justice must recognize that selecting what they feel is acceptable behavior and what must be changed, before a gender war ensures. It’s scandalous the corrupt way of thinking by many Judges, police officers and over all, those we look upon to protect us whenever in encounter danger. The only Judge I am aware of who will not put up with double standards is Judge Judy. Otherwise, I along with a team of Men’s and certain women’s organizations are determined to help end Violence Against Men.

 

Thank you for sharing your views and experience with me.

 

FrenchRose

DoOrDie on
Re: The Invisible Victims Circling the Globe - Violence Against Men
It's definately not a one way street, but I'm sure the numbers of men who are locked up each year over a mutual fight with a woman is staggering. 

FrenchRose on
Re: The Invisible Victims Circling the Globe - Violence Against Men
Unfortunately you are right, and the gender fields are so unbalanced its amazing that in this day and age society continues to deny that men are abused as often as women. Mutual combat today is definitely unfair in the eyes of the Courts of Law.

 

Hopefully, we can bring a stronger light to this issue. My goal is to bring awareness to as many agencies and organizations until men receive equal treatment and attention. Societies need to embrace that men are humans too!

 

Here’s wishing you a beautiful day.

DoOrDie on
Re: The Invisible Victims Circling the Globe - Violence Against Men
Thanks, the courts and police are so biased when it comes to any kind of domestic dispute, usually whoever called the law is the one that escapes going to jail unscathed.  Every person they lock up is just more money for them.
FrenchRose on
Re: The Invisible Victims Circling the Globe - Violence Against Men
You’re welcome, DoOrdie. Sadly, in our societies, money is the bottom line for a majority, but I figured that if I could connect with those officials that are for the law and justice, we’d go a step further to end resolve this issue so that men who are in this situation are not afraid they’d be further punished for addressing their grievances to the authorities.

DoOrDie on
Re: The Invisible Victims Circling the Globe - Violence Against Men
I say it'd be better handled by dickslapping women who believe it's alright to hit a man.
FrenchRose on
Re: The Invisible Victims Circling the Globe - Violence Against Men
Doordie, I’d leaned more toward understanding your reason, considering your experience. But I honestly believe that you’re a much more quality person, who’s rightfully feeling the pain of past circumstances.

It’s never right for anyone to hit another person, but of course, everyone’s emotions, tolerance and anger are different. No one ought to judge but listen to the reasons leading up to the action taken against.

 

Hopefully society will come to terms in accepting that some women are more violent, whether emotionally and spiritually, physically or mentally, than men in domestic violent situations. But while the majority of women refuse to accept and remain in denial about the realness of abused men, the struggle to end society’s invisible victims will last the world listens and give equal treatment to men. Closure is the only positive solution we will accept.

saikotikgunman on
Re: The Invisible Victims Circling the Globe - Violence Against Men
Finally stopped by your blog.  Been kind of busy, but I farm so it's an in and out sort of thing this time of year.  Hurry up and wait, you know.

Gives me a chance to pop around MindSay here and there though.  Catch you later.

P.S.  I think it's great that people out there have taken notice of this.  I never really looked into it, and I just sort of moved on.  There are bad nights, and not so bad nights.  I don't blog much about personal things, but I'm fairly open with people in comments and on the forums.  I have no secrets, as such, and that in and of itself is how I tend to make people aware.  If they can relate to my experience, then they know it's out there.
FrenchRose on
Re: The Invisible Victims Circling the Globe - Violence Against Men
I am happy you are in a better place now. It is time some people have begun to at least consider that violence against men is a real issue. Awareness is key, and some times we need to convey our experiences, no matter how personal or painful so that others can understand and take notice. I’ll catch you later as well.

saikotikgunman on
Re: The Invisible Victims Circling the Globe - Violence Against Men
Actually, pain is the last feeling on my mind when I talk about it.  I'm genuinely happy to be out of that relationship, and more than happy to discuss the nature of it.  The past can't hurt me, only the present.
FrenchRose on
Re: The Invisible Victims Circling the Globe - Violence Against Men
But of course, I’ve known from the start that, despite all you’ve gone through in the past, knowing that you are in a more spiritually healthy place now, makes discussing painful issues and circumstances less painful. I’m happy you’ve found your way out and able to discuss this global problem openly.

saikotikgunman on
Re: The Invisible Victims Circling the Globe - Violence Against Men
It's easier with people I don't know personally, however.  I don't talk about it with family and any friends who didn't witness it first hand, as I'm not the type to talk about other people in an environment where it could spread as gossip.
FrenchRose on
Re: The Invisible Victims Circling the Globe - Violence Against Men
I understand your position completely. And at the same time it saddens me because indirectly, you had to conceal your suffering to avoid people talking about an issue they lack knowledge of, in my view, to consider giving the situation a moment’s thought to attempt to understand instead of gossiping.

 

I know it’s wishful thinking in the communities we live in, but it costs nothing to show compassion and sensitivity to another human being. This is a major reason why I have touched on this subject and my passion is high on bringing awareness globally.)

saikotikgunman on
Re: The Invisible Victims Circling the Globe - Violence Against Men
There's a Country song out right now that I really like, as it describes the neck of the woods I live in fairly well:

Tracy Lawrence - Find out who your Friends are

Run your car off the side of the road
Get stuck in a ditch way out in the middle of nowhere
Or get yourself in a bind lose the shirt off your back
Need a floor, need a couch, need a bus fare

This is where the rubber meets the road
This is where the cream is gonna rise
This is what you really didn't know
This is where the truth don't lie

{Chorus}
You find out who your friends are
Somebody's gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car
Hit the gas, get there fast
Never stop to think 'what's in it for me?' or 'it's way too far'
They just show on up with their big old heart
You find out who your friends are

Everybody wants to slap your back
wants to shake your hand
when you're up on top of that mountain
But let one of those rocks give way then you slide back down look up
and see who's around then

This ain't where the road comes to an end
This ain't where the bandwagon stops
This is just one of those times when
A lot of folks jump off

{Chorus}

When the water's high
When the weather's not so fair
When the well runs dry
Who's gonna be there?

{Chorus}

You find out who your friends are
(yeah, yeah)
You find out who your friends are

Run your car off the side of the road
Get stuck in a ditch way out in the middle of nowhere
(Well man, I've been there)
Or get yourself in a bind lose the shirt off your back
Need a floor, need a couch, need a bus fare
(Man, I've been there)

Man, I've been there
Oooh yeah.
FrenchRose on
Re: The Invisible Victims Circling the Globe - Violence Against Men
The elements of compassion and sensitivity that live in your heart are much more vivid to me today.

 

Thank you for sharing the lyrics of a song that you relate to well. It’s not only beautiful, it's thoroughly meaningful.

saikotikgunman on
Re: The Invisible Victims Circling the Globe - Violence Against Men
If you look on YouTube, someone had the music video from this up, but I enjoy country music, especially for the lyrics, so I enjoy sharing it.
FrenchRose on
Re: The Invisible Victims Circling the Globe - Violence Against Men
Thanks for sharing the YouTube link with me, Mike. Another element of your personality I admire, sharing.

saikotikgunman on
Re: The Invisible Victims Circling the Globe - Violence Against Men
I'm not always quite as good at that one!
bluesense on
Re: The Invisible Victims Circling the Globe - Violence Against Men
I do believe it could happen.  But, it was not ever in my case.  And to protect our family, people like YOU keep us in danger of the real dangerous men.  That is the part I resent, although I know you can't help it.
FrenchRose on
Re: The Invisible Victims Circling the Globe - Violence Against Men
I cannot help but to see both sides of the coin, Bluesense. There is no where in my article do I dispute that violent men do not exist. We’ve known for quite some time that they do. (My statistics and links prove vividly that this issue is escalating. I know from my studies that not only could it happen, it is happening globally.)

 

The main element of this article is that now the violent females are turning their anger on their partners. These innocent men had nothing to do with the pain caused by another toward you or your family. (But human nature dictates my empathy toward you, Bluesense, for going through the same suffering as the men I’ve spoken with.)

 

There are sufficient Modern, Radical, Third Wave feminist movements helping women. Should innocent men not receive the same help?

 

Because of people like me? What would you prefer, that the men in violent or abusive relationships remain invisible victims? Are they to be blamed for the actions of other men? Should violent females be accepted as only retaliating, venting their anger because someone (a female) they’ve known was abused and now it’s their turn to get back at society and the men?

dimpless on
Re: The Invisible Victims Circling the Globe - Violence Against Men
You should truly educate yourself  about the equal help out there for men and samesexpartner abuse and anyone, which you didn't even care to mention about their abuse here. But, they all are receiving help. Your design is inadequate to discuss in this manner toward victims as if they are to be chastised for your inexperience with what they have gone through. Perhaps, you just can't stop hurting the women, either.
FrenchRose on
Re: The Invisible Victims Circling the Globe - Violence Against Men
Oh, I believe you are the one who needs the education, Dimpless. It’s best to read the links I’ve offered before you speak on a subject you know very little about, considering your response.

 

I will kindly suggest that you parse before becoming angry, reading any given blog feature. I know it’s a common problem in our society, but it works best if we all would just pay attention to both genders and not combat where the attention is mostly being applied.

 

And since you feel I ought to have included same sex partners when the main ingredient of this article is "abusive females" in heterosexual relationships, I’d say this, since you seem to think it was purposely ignored. You may conduct your own research and compose a thorough feature on same sex partner abuse. This way, you won’t feel as if you hadn’t contributed to your rant. That is, if you really want to help women. I know plenty who say they do, but they do nothing but preach and complaint. You know, inactivity is worthless and a waste of time.

wonderingsoul on
Re: The Invisible Victims Circling the Globe - Violence Against Men
I volunteer at a local women's organization that works to help women who have been in abusive relationships.  While it is primarily for women, there have been cases where they do help abused men.  While undergoing training they did make emphasis on the fact that men are abused too, but unfortunately they have to find other places for men to have shelter because of the women who stay in theirs.  They certainly don't refuse to help men, which is wonderful.  Abuse overall needs to be talked about, we need to create awareness, eliminate stereotypes, and show people it's okay to talk about, before anyone can hope to make any progress in the cause.
FrenchRose on
Re: The Invisible Victims Circling the Globe - Violence Against Men
Thank you for your comment, WonderingSoul. I sincerely appreciate your objectivity and I commend you for your work and contribution to your women’s organization.

 

Yes, perhaps one day we can all join together and help both men and women come to terms with their ailing difficulties and not only educate those folks stuck in stereotyping groups but to bring full awareness to them so that each individual who needs help is equally treated in our communities and the Courts of Law.

wonderingsoul on
Re: The Invisible Victims Circling the Globe - Violence Against Men
Amen to that!
FrenchRose on
Re: The Invisible Victims Circling the Globe - Violence Against Men
Yes, always "Amen" to the positive . . .

 
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