Why couldn't I have done more

should've known what you had in store

I didn't let you kiss

but I couldn't let you miss

You touched me

I couldn't stop you

Why did I trust you

I just met you

Already on your eighth

should've known it wasn't safe

now I'm left behind

to see what I can find

I don't regret

I've learned my lesson

lesson learnt:

Never trust anyone

maybe it was the alcohol

maybe something else

maybe it was just you

showing me yourself

are you sorry?

I must ask

or is this, to you,

all in the past?

you didn't even come back

You just ran away

No apology given

you are not forgiven

You wont be forgotten.

I wrote this after being touched against my will soon after I started going out with my current boyfriend.

We were at a party, and I was talking with him. We decided to go for a short walk down theroad a bit, it was in the open, night yes but still. We decided to sit on a car and look up at the stars. Then he started trying to touch me. I just kept telling him no. He was like " it's only been four days, just tell him it was before" I said no, don't touch me but I was too scared to run away. I was afraid he might hurt me, knock me out and then do things. He started humping me ( with clothes on) I was unconfortable... He said " this will have to do", I think had my aunt NOT come up with her truck looking for me, he might've raped me.. I'm sure HE was thinking about it. When she came up the hill he was like " hide! get down!" I was like "no way!". I quickly got into the trucK with her she asked me where he was I said I don't know.. hiding. I was so out of my head. One thing she said really hurt, and I cried. She said, and I can't beleive it " Now I see why your mother doesn't trust you!". I couldn't say anything. They had been looking for me for an hour. I thought I heard them I said " I think I heard my name" and he said you're just looking for an excuse. Again I was too afraid to move, or try to get away. I was punished to stay in the house the whole next day which I had no problem with. I stayed in my aunt's room where I had slept all day, listening to my music and crying, and of course writing. I wanted so bad to cut then, so I flicked elastics.

This was around the time after everything else had happened, I just started going out with my boyfriend, as I said. I was so broken and lost. This didn't help. I called my boyfriend emmediately and told him what happened. He knows I cheated once before on Nick, but he believed me. I also told my cousin, who loves me and tries to protect me. He went out looking for him ,but he had run home. This didn't help with my fear of alcohol...this adds to the list of reasons why I'll probably never drink.

edits in Capitals, along with some punctuation fixes