some people can stop caring if they suddenly find somebody new, but that is messed up.  what a species we are.

Yea..

We're here, for what it's worth
If you ask him whether he cares, I can't guarantee you'll get an honest answer, he might think it'd be better to tell you that he did, or he might use it as an oppertunity to hurt you (if he passes you of all people over to his gf I can't imagine he's that considerate, because he must know that it'd hurt you).

I really don't know. He said I should call him. He told me to. Maybe she's taking the phone, but I don't know. Every time I call she is there and that's who I end up talking to. I need to talk to him, but I'm afraid I'll mess it up. I get so nervous and I was too cowardly to talk to him when we were at school. He'll be there next year, and all his friends have graduated, but it might just stay the same. I'm hoping maybe I can talk to him then, but I don't want to wait the summer. It's already been too long.

The reason I first stopped talking to him was because he told me he couldn't stand me. He never did say if he meant it. I know he called me a negative mopey bitch, but later explained that he was just annoyed and he's sorry.

I keep calling him, but I'm afraid it's already too late. He likes to hide his feelings, and he said so. I told him I loved him. He said he wishes people still kept their feelings bottled up. I just don't know if I should keep trying. I want to with all my might, but it just keeps hurting. And we'd hang out sometimes and it would be just as it was before, so I wouldn't want to bring it up...

Ahhh - I thought he was answering the phone but then passing you on to her, maybe she's just quick on picking it up

Something doesn't quite fit - I can't understand how he could call you what he did (even if he appologised) - he pushes you away, then tries to draw you back by asking you to call, and keeps you hooked by not clearing it up - if you've called a few times, even if she answers, that gets across the message to him that you're still hooked and he has/had the oppertunity to explain once and for all how he really feels, to put gou at rest (I'd've thought most people wouldn't call someone so emotionally important as an ex purely for friendly chat, there would be too many reminders for most people to be able to be regular pals afterwards as if nothing happened).

I can also see the confusion about how he really feels continuing if he hides how he feels and says things like this out of the blue (maybe when his bottled up feelings become too much to contain) - even if he doesn't mean to do this I think things like this are going to keep happening.

I think people love people for different reasons - perhaps finding what it was about him might be the key? I don't know if this is the case here but it's not unusal to see/hear of cases where, for some reason, women are overall drawn to men who would hurt them, I think it's more complex than that because men who would hurt also (for some reason) tend to be more naturally charismatic, romantic, confident, and charm to win people over, irrespective of how they really feel, but then eventually that will show in anyone, nobody can hide their feelings forever.

(to help with my confusion) You must've heard the phrase "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" - why do women love such men with such determination? Why is it also considered bad by some to be a "nice guy" - how is going out of your way to make people feel better a bad thing? I get confused by it all, it doesn't make sense - and many of the stereotypes against men are based on the flaws of the mean guys (who pass it off, or get it overlooked because they're loved), or those guy's attempts use the trust of women to manipulate them into being frightened of less confident men (i.e. get them percieved as being 'creepy' or 'insecure', etc) - knowing that the nice guy won't fight back (or wouldn't be taken seriously if they did), to make sure women stay with their own kind, even protect them (as my mum always defends my dad, even against me). I'll admit it does annoy me, but I genuinely am confused about why it's allowed

I don't know. I can't tell. She never answers first. The first time he asked if I wanted to talk to his girlfriend, I didn't want to sound rude, so I said okay. They were busy playing video games, and I felt like I was interupting so I said I'd let them get back to it. He has tried to get me to talk to her before though, because he says she's too shy. He's also complained about her being clingy, and I don't see them hang out much. A friendtold me pretty much all they do is have sex, but I don't know.

What do you mean, about calling someone an ex? We never went out.

He has said things before, when we hung out. Like, when he was cooking, and the pot still had food left over from another night and I washed it. He's like, see this is why we can't go out, you don't trust me. And little things like that. He's made it very confusing, seeming like he does feel something for me, or at least cares. And then most recently when I came over, he hugged me, and danced with me, just randomly.  and in july we had a sleepover with a friend of ours and i was in the middle, he said he didnt bite, meaning I can move closer to him. and he didnt mind me snuggled against him, and whenever I would say he was cute, he said to stop flirting. just things like that. his actions say so much more than his words.

I have thought about that, why I love him. I love him because he was a great listener, always cheered me up, he's silly, caring, funny, and just, things that I've said before. I don't know if you've been following but I've written a ton of posts and poems on here about him. I think some people can hide their feelings forever, as I've heard about it.. but yeah. I just don't know why he would. He said before he couldnt be with me because I went out with his friend. I don'tthink they're friends anymore, but I just don't know.

He's mean, but usually in a playful way. I don't like guys who are too nice. It annoys me XD I don't like being treated like a lady, I prefer to be treated equally, but still kind of protected. He did that perfectly. He seems to understand me. You're right, it doesnt make sense. In general, I do like the guys who treat me like shit. I've been in love with someone who's treated me terrible before, and I've had crushes on some very mean people. But anyways...I really don't know. nice guys are just.. too nice. Too good. haha. I like balance. If a guy is too nice and/or too interested in me, it annoys me. >.<

Sorry my assumption that he was an ex
I am confused also about how he feels/felt
I havent seen the poems, I only check in the odd time, I think I would struggle to interpret because I'm not used to it and it's not something I do, and it's more just expressing stuff than anything
I'll make a distinction between nice and the over-clingy-ness/overeffort of some of them, those two things can often come together, but not necessarily. I think they get like that because they still need relationship but have been driven to desperation by the lack of it, so they will try too hard in the wrong ways to everyone female just in the hope that someone will pick them up. Go long enough without something and you learn not to need it anymore, so eventually some just give up totally, which means they won't be clingy or insecure anymore but also won't ask anyone out and won't know how to date, etc - there are guys out there who go totally unnoticed who wouldn't be a pain, usually they end up doing minor support roles at work (due to lack of confidence) and are just there (i.e. cleaners, porters, warehousemen, etc)

Heh yea. It feels like it though. The times we've had and stuff, it really seems sometimes like we were somewhat of a couple.

I don't blame you.. oh my.

Yeah.

Do you mean this to be him or me, or just a general comment?

The last bit where I made the distinction between nice and clingy was basically I know how the stereotype of "nice guy" comes often with other things, that get associated and put people off, like being clingy - I admit I was clingy a few years back, but not so much now, i'm low(er) maintanance now that i'm more secure in myself, and I hope that I've dealt with anything obviously unpleasent about it or negative, but I hadn't abandoned what I liked about my personality and that made me realise that i no longer fitted the stereotype, and realise that niceness is a seperate thing to the insecurity that can form under the same conditions.

To me it seemed that, if I took away everything that I could see as possibly bad about it, there was still something left - something pleasent - and if it's nothing but a good thing how could anyone have too much of it? - like imagine an infinite supply of free delicious ice cream that had zero calories, didn't fill you up, and you never got tired or bored of eating it, - that you could literally scoff all day if you wanted without ever wanting to stop, but that you could stop if you had to go to work or whatever - y'know, not addictive

Anyway point was that by that point it'd be nothing but a good thing to me, pure nice would mean 100% honest, unconditional, good intention, it wouldn't feel sickly sweet at all. I'm no charmer and often I can hold a high opinion of people but be unable to say it, or that it might be taking a risk if i'm giving people the benefit of the doubt, but I know that it communicates itself in how I do things + respond (like a secret smile almost to recognise). I rely n myself, I was secretly my own example when I said how the guys can lose insecurity by stopping caring, but in doing so, stop trying, and take low profile roles in life - a lot of people at work know hardly anything me psychologically, I'm just there, but what I want is, if you ever come across someone who seems stable but doesn't try to do anything, they may worth it + treat you well even if it's not exciting or entertaining, excitement isn't part of love itself, they're seperate feelings, nice if you can have both but, as a trait, love never deserves to be restrained, it is good in itself, it makes whoever has it good on that level to the degree they love, though obviously there are other traits on other levels to take into account
I have nothing to gain by this, you live in friggen' canada, but I want to make it easier for 'nice guys' who have stabalised, that is why I wanted to challenge the possible (common) view being maintained against all of them, anywhere, I know that sounds confrontational, and I do fight for what I stand for, but I can't think of how better to say, but I wish I could

I was clingy before. My problem with people is that they aren't clingy. I don't like clingyness but I'd like to feel wanted maybe just a little...

I think too much of a good thing can be bad, but I think I kind of get what you're trying to say.. ish.

I don't not like nice guys. At least I don't think so. I just don't like it when people are so nice it's annoying. I like being independant. It annoys me when people do things for me, like open doors, carry something, etc. I don't like being walked to the door because I can fucking well do it myself, thank you. Argh. This isn't directed at you, but it just really pisses me off. I'm not a helpless little runt! I don't like to be constantly asked if I'm okay if we're doing something strenous like a bike ride or hike or something. This is what I mean by nice guy. Naggy and treating me like I can't help myself or something.

And may I add constantly needing to know if I'm okay, and going out of their way to help me. Just ARGH.

I AM NOT A FUCKING PRINCESS OR QUEEN OF THE WORLD FOR FUCK SAKES!!! Ok I'm done.

Ok, they should respect that you want space, that's fine, just let them know, if they don't take it well, that's their problem. A /real/ nice guy respects those things, and wants you to be honest and let out all feelings, including criticism, because that is only info on how to improve

So, if it wasn't annoying, if they let you do your own things, and respected you for what you could do, that's perfectly reasonable, and it's all part of what a legitimate nice guy should be.

If they don't, they're not really nice guys. A good intention is much better when it listens, and is willing to adapt/improve

I don't want them to adapt or improve! Nice guys generally don't seem to have a back bone, either. They wont stand up for themselves and are just trying to be what you want them to be. And THAT is annoying! I don't want a guy to conform to what I want. I want them to be who they are, have a personality. I don't want a piece of playdoh that does whatever I command it. I don't need to like everything about them or everything they do. They can be annoying, it's part of having a personality. Argh. 

Ok, they can be independant too, but still listening to feedback from everyone, and feely deciding themselves on whether they've got a point. I don't go round trying to please people, that's not my goal, in my case I do risk it to stand for what I beleive in hence why I am still on this issue, getting a backbone is one of the improvements. It's not possible for anyone to conform completely - if they conformed with everything else, they wouldn't be conforming with your wish that they were independant, I do wish they were independent, that is one of (what I regard) improvements - or what I meant by it, that's not because you suggested it, but because you reminded me of that and I agree with it.

I think the fact that anything about them annoys you indicates your view of what a nice guy is includes personality imperfections - which needn't be so, anything that does annoy you, or anyone, (and is true) indicates the need for change at one end or the other - I can't understand why you wouldn't want them to improve (be less annoying) if they annoy you as is - improvement doesn't have to be in a conformist way, part of being a legit nice guy is adapting to feedback of your own free will, because they don't want to inadvertantly hurt/annoy people unless they feel it's necessary (y'know, when it's difficult to show something through words, it's natural to want people to experience your pain or annoyance if you think it'll help them understand, that is the subconcious motivator behind vengance too) - that said, I always prefer to use words as far as I can as mildly as I can because I can do more with them, but it can be hard.

Anything that annoys you about them - imagine it wasn't there - strip a 'nice guy' of annoyances, and imagine them becomming what you want to be naturally with time, and what do you have left? If it still annoys you, refine that model so it doesn't, adapt their personality as far as is needed but leave behind the underlying good intention

But I don't want them to improve at all!! I want them to remain who they are. Some one will appreciate that, it's just not what I look for!

I don't want them to change for me. I don't want to change them and it annoys me if they are eager to change. And often change is just pretending, because it just doesn't fit right with them. It's not who they are. I don't want them to "beome what I want". I want them to be who they are, not try to change to fit me. That is what annoys me. The annoyances can't be stripped. Nice guys ( to the extreme) are always trying to please you and become better in your opinion. They don't stop. I don't want a perfect guy. I don't want someone to change to be what I want.

A real nice guy to me, is someone who isn't trying to please you, isn't trying to change to become what you want. They aren't nice all the time. They aren't nice if you treat them unkindly. They don't act like doormats. They stand up for what they believe and stay who they are. They wont slam the door in your face (unless you deserve it) but they also wont constantly be trying to open doors and lay themselves down on the floor for you to walk on. I think people have different definitions of nice. AND I don't want a guy to TRY to BECOME what I just explained. I can usually see right through people. And people who try to become someone or something they're not, just to get people to like them, annoy me most of all.

A break to explain myself,
I think I have no real fixed way of being or view of myself, I don't even know what the real me is, or what I really feel most of the time. I don't have any feeling of what I naturally am, but I think maybe what I am is just that - something that isn't sure what it is and changes with the tide, perhaps it's impossible for me to be anything other than that, because that's what I am. It doesn't seem to matter though... at least not to me. I used to pretend but I really struggle to now, I just don't have the energy or motivation, I'm not trying to please anyone, I just follow my heart, and that may have some of the same ideals as you, so it'd be becoming more like what you prefer for themselves, that it's a total coincidence if you did prefer that too.
I think pressures in life drive change in everyone long term, and make people realise stuff. I think my goal here was to alter what you considered a 'nice guy' so that it included the good spirit but left out the weakness, so that those two things wouldn't be associated. All else being equal (as it could be), if you prefer it when they don't like you as much, I don't understand

It is your choice and there isn't anything I can do. Perhaps it's just my own experiences that pushed me to the other extreeme of what I got. I don't believe there will necessarily be someone in life who appreciates it, at least not as far as the romance level and certainly not to the degree it's deserved to a lot of them, and they will continue to take flak from everyone else (particularly guys). - and so, so many women seem to feel the same way about nice not being what they're looking for, to the point where it seems inbuilt genetically, I'm simply not able to believe there are women out there who would genuinely prefer it on that level, that's a false hope if I'm honest with myself

It just doesn't feel right, to see women swarm around nasty guys, it's so, so much easier for them, and they don't deserve it if they don't even care, they will only value love and all the effort their women go to for them if they go without it for awhile, but I have near nill power to do that. I bet a lot of the nastier guys couldn't cope anywhere near as well without love, because they've never had to face that prospect of being without it when they needed it

My heart always leads me in the wrong directions, it seems. I've been following it all my life and it's been making me cry so much I could fill a lake. And I don't think that's an exaggeration. I try not to make things more or less than what they are. Maybe not a huge lake, but all the same. Too much.

I don't really know who I am or if there is a what I am. Maybe I just am, whatever that is that I am and it can't be defined. I like to think I've kept some desirable traits I've come to think of as part of my personality, but I guess I can't really know if they're there or if they were ever there.

I think there are women who would love to be treated like a princess, but that's usually because they think so highly of themselves that they believe they deserve nothing less. I don't think that's really what nice guys look for, at least the ones I know. They want someone who doesn't ask for it, someone who doesn't expect it, a girl who isn't treated like a princess and they just want to make her feel special. I am not saying this is all nice guys, just seems to be the nice guys I know. I don't look for girls, personally, so I wouldn't know. But I wouldn't be so sure there isn't some girl out there who will appreciate it.

I don't really know. I would agree with that for generally attractive guys... but I don't know. I'm not sure I like the mean guy, or what. I like balance, as I said. So I really can't say, I just wouldn't know.

It's ok I wouldn't say those are wrong directions, what you described of wanting seemed perfectly reasonable; someone who respected your ability to do things yourself, had independance themselves and who was a strong person, none of those things require the person to be nasty, and it's not as if you desire to be abused, it just sometimes might happen indirectly if someone who offered you the traits that you're looking for is that way inclined - if you make it so they have to be respectful of your feelings in addition to everything else you're looking for, you protect yourself

Whatever we are, I think as a whole we always are what we (personality wise) are and cannot be anything else, even if people did use false faces, their use of that is part of their personality expressing itself - what you see might not be what you get but what they really are isn't affected by what people think they are, or what they think themselves are. If you know why you do things, that is your personality expressing itself, and life is like it's canvas. Intentions do not necessarily decide all consequences though... some of it's out of our control (i.e. how you feel) - and you can only do as well as you can do given the circumstance, nobody has the right to criticise (particularly) when they don't know

I want things to be equal too, that's healthy, and I wouldn't want someone who wanted it not to be, I want them to appreciate more psychological things than that, I wouldn't physically bother to do anything beyond cleaning up my own mess, but I'd talk and try to deal with what really counts - in how they feel (long term) - I wouldn't appease them by doing as they ordered, because I know that long term it just delays the inevitable time when they get upset for not getting that - it's better to get them off that hook.

I was wondering recently why also a lot of (physically) fat/ugly people I've known tend to be nicer, but the more attractive arent, - I think the less attractive have had to deal with more, which has made them more beautiful inside - but it's not a strict rule by any length - I know a lot of people on both sides who break that pattern, and attractiveness is only a perception thing anyway

I think I will probably end up in an abusive relationship, sadly. Knowing the guys I look for , and stuff. Emotionally, I have been, in a way. Except we weren't dating, but it was very complicated. Not really important.

I think so too, but it can be hard to tell who we are, sometimes. The wanting to change to be what someone else desires is a personality trait, so I guess it makes sense. Some people would define that as kindness or being a nice guy, but it all depends on your definition. We all like different things.

Indeed, but some people don't. True about them getting used to it.

I have noticed this too, and have come to the same conclusion. It can even be a conversation starter, which is interesting. Most of the overweight people I know are generally nice and friendly, but of course it isn't always true and is certainly no rule.

I think it might just be one of those time things. Might happen but I do hope you find what you want in someone who isn't abusive, if you get someone who is abusive then I hope you don't let him take away your self respect, you dont deserve that, you don't need that. Maybe in time what you want will refine naturally to filter out the abusives, I genuinely hope it doesn't take being abused for that to happen, but you are honest with yourself and know it is a risk, there's not much I can do, but I wish I could before anything can happen.
If ever you need us though, we're here, I will try to put right any doubts anyone might make you feel about yourself. You're not alone, at least not if you don't want to be, one particularly seems to have stuck by you, who's username began with S but I can't remeber what it was, I know you'll know so there's not much point me looking

Is it someone I talk to on here, now? what do you mean?

Yeah.. maybe time is the answer, but it has already been a long while. The problem with me, is that I'm afraid I will keep waiting. I'll sit here forever to see if he cares. I just won't quit it.

I hope I don't get into an abusive relationship, obviously, and I'll try my best not to, but I'm not sure it's one of those things I can prevent. I just hope I'll be able to get out iof it, if it does happen. I can be pretty sneaky, and I do stand up for myself generally, even when people demean me. Hey sweetie, hug! *smashes head in and runs*.... kinda thing. I can only try.

Sorry for the misorder, I try to reply in chronologicalness, but I tend to start with the last thing said and work up... I am backwards in a lot of ways. ekil woh I dnif ti reisae ot epyt sdrawkcab.... and write backwards inverted so it reads in the mirror, among many other crazy things.. XD

Someone I've seen here, but a while back, I got the impression you were friends anyway.

I suppose other stuff can happen during the time you wait, that might be unexpected, I never thought I'd be working where I am (a certain shop), and I feel completely different. If all there was was you in a big empty void waiting for him, then I suppose you would just wait until either you found out or gave up, I don't know what that could be and it's hard to imagine, honestly I thought I'd be stuck in the same dead end forever feeling the same way, but even a virtual recluse in the physical world (like me) - gets thrown unexpected complicating matters (like jobs ending), even something completely unrelated can sometimes be enough to distract long enough to break some kind of psychological cycle, by getting you to think about something completely different, might not always be pleasent - but it'll make something else a priority on your mind

lol - as long as whoever it is understands why they get their head smashed in - so they associate it to something they did rather than just blame you. If it got bad you have the right to leave if overall you felt you needed to (and probably more power to do that than he'd let on, all you need is determination, or if it's to the point where you're frightened+ feel trapped just go without telling him). In some ways letting them know how they made you feel (even if after leaving them) - can hopefully make them more understanding if only for the benefit of the next girl - I say that but I still get nightmares of my last boss, I'm still terrified of the guy even though I can run faster than him - I know he'd blame me instead of himself for how I felt in response to what he did, and he'd be hard to argue with, and intimidating, I admit part of me wants him to suffer so that he understands.

I didn't notice misorder (I've noticed you generally tend to respond seperately to each paragraph but I don't really look back on what I said before, so I don't know the order, and it doesn't seem to matter, each is a response. I can't do those backward things! I can decifer backwards +/or upside down writing very slowly by reconstructing it into normal but - that sounds like - i dunno, you must have the entire words in your head to reflect it (even something long), but the words themselves read in --> direction. Reading I tend to skim first then read again in more depth, I don't read many books, mostly because I can't visualise what's going on

How long a while?

True. So much can happen. And I think I could wait all my life, because it's just the way I feel. I don't want it to go away. Love feels wonderful. I would give anything for him. It makes me feel amazing.. but only when I think about how he doesn't care and how we used to be friends, and all that, do I feel unhappy and utterly alone and hopeless.

Mm...I don't even think I have a cycle. Things just happen. Nothing is ever routine with me.

Yeah... I guess I'll face it when I come to it, meanwhile try my best to avoid it. Eep about yer last boss.

I can do it that way too.

.tab eht revo deklaw tac eht.

It's just harder cause the typing automatically  goes to the right.

Can't visualise what's going on? 

I can't remember how long, but I think I remember that she used to sign the end with Rebekah or somethign like that

I wouldn't know what to do with love if I had it lol

It's good that you're not trapped in a cycle (like not being able to perform in an exam because feeling crap, then feeling even crapper when get the result)

FUCK. I justwrote message but I pressed cancel somehow. I will reply later 'cause I am just not in the mood. I will just say I have a vivid magination and sometimes I wonder if my freams actally happened, and if some of the events that happened in my life, were only a dream. hmph.

Cool I've done that too, so I tend to write them in word first. One thing about dreams is how real they can seem when they're there, I also confuse the real past with what I imagined, and I get deja vouz because I convince myself that something was in my past

I know! >.<

So as for the rest of my replying:
Yes, I know who you're talking about. We still talk and get along generally well. I thought you might have meant someone from farther back.

I do have it and I still don't know what to do with it.

I tend to think, well after it's done and over there's nothing I can do to change it, so why bother worrying about it? It will do nothing, so it's pointless. Just try to get started on doing better next time, or if there is no next time, don't worry about it. It is how it is.

Haha... there probably is.

Interesting...I seem to be the complete opposite. XD

I know it hurts, but doesn't it hurt more that he passes the phone to the girlfriend?

He doesn't care or he would have called you immediately after the first time she grabbed? (i doubt it) the phone.

He's actually being cruel.

I've been through shit like this, you are dealing with a Fuck Wit'.

Fuck Wit's feel powerful when they fuck with the emotions of others.

I'm sure he's telling his girl all sorts of lies about you, so...please, be strong!

Don't call him anymore, just imagine the un-lucky new girlfriend that will pick up the phone and make you feel like shiite!

I'm moving back to the States in 30 days, I'm a crazy dyke, I'll kick his ass...for free!
I usually charge for things like this, but you, for some reason, are one of the few I happen to like.

She's nice though. I don't know if she's taking it or if he's passing it.

Haha... I think I still have some things to figure out first. For my own good, not his, just so you know. : P

Oh and I'm in Canada. haha

sorry you're going through a tough situation.  One thing I have learned though- don't chase guys.  If he really wants you, once you give him some space he may come back but don't chase him- you're better than that.  Give it some time and try to do something nice for yourself.

I did that before. And he... half chased. He would talk to me at school, nudge me if I'm at my locker... I don't know. I think sometimes you should chase. I have tried both, so it's hard to say. Part of me says, well he didn't talk to you and he never calls you unless you call him, but then when you hang out, it's like you're friends again and the way he acts, he makes you feel cared about. But then again sometimes he'll just leave, but he does it in a nice way, I can't be angry. Argh. It's so messed up.

What I have noticed is.. boys can stop caring about a girl in a heart beat. I dont understand how but they do it.

 

This guy isnt worth your time.  You deserve a guy thats head over heels for you. and since he has a girlfriend, screw him. scrrrrrrrrrrrew him. Hes not worth to have you anyways.

Yeah... people do that.

I know I need to listen to this and I've been telling myself for so long, but I just can't let go. He's not worth it and it's hurting me more to keep trying, but I don't want to let go. He meant to much to me, and still does. He was perfect and I want to know what changed. I know it's stupid, but I would do anything for him, I would let him do anything to me. I love him too much, even though he treats me this way. I think it's something wrong with me... He just keeps showing me he cares in little ways, but it's probably nothing... I just can't and I don't want to believe that he doesn't care anymore. I can't comprehend it.

did you two have a physical relationship? cause its harder to let go of someone when you were physical

I don't know if I can call it that...why do you say that?

Well, last year my friend said it to me that when your physical and stuff with a boy its harder to let go when i went through my period of an ex named Josh. and i found it to be right.  It is harder cause you've given that guy a part of you even if it wasnt sex ya know. He still has something of you that you cant get back.

I don't know if that's true. I never regret doing anything physical with someone I was with. Because at that time in my life, it's what I wanted. I know I loved them and they loved me and I think that is something special to share. I think we gave each other something, and I am happy for that. I think people think differently about these things, and relationships aren't always mutual, etc.

But as for him (Andy, is his name). I would say no we didn't really have a physical relationship, at least not sexually. We play fought, and were close sometimes, but nothing intimate. Except that one night some wierd things happened. But as I said, I don't regret it. It was what I wanted at that time and it once made me happy.

well you can be happy with someone else too!!

No one else has made me feel the way he does. I can only hope someday, but I've met a lot of people and not one has made me smile, laugh and made me as happy and accepted as I was when he was around.

but you'll be missing out on someone amazing if you dont let him go

I know... and that hurts too. I just can't seem to help it. It's pathetic, but I can't control who I love. I just can't stop.