To my own surprise I will be attending A-kon next summer. Something I've been wanting to do for a while but haven't been able to...with or without him...wow I've screwed up again. I always seem to do this. I can't believe it. I think I'm putting my relationship through everything it can go through right now.

Me and Brian are at each others throats and he doesn't know why, but I do oh boy I do. He wont come out of his box. *sigh* He's been the same way since we were 13...he doesn't want to think outside the box. I've grown up and changed and he well...hasn't.

It's weird to think of falling for your bestfriend...someone you grew up with but it's hard to admit it when he simply won't see everything in front of him. He's so busy trying not to be normal that he can't see he's just like every other guy I've ever met. He's hurting me because he wont grow with me...This isn't making much sense im afriad.

We've always agreed on everything from favorite color down to politics and now...well we're going head to head and the result is a giant head ache thats more annoying then a yippy little dog. *sigh* School is starting back and im scared that that will have a toll on our relationship as well. More then the fighting because we wont hardly have enough time with each other. He'll be a senior and I'll be trying to catch up in school.

As I've said in my earlier post...perhaps we should take a break? But what if taking a break causes us to drift apart and we never get back together? Oh dear...this is rather confusing. He's been my bestfriend for five years and we've been together for four of those years....I can't lose him. I just wish there was a way for me to tell him how I feel without repeating myself.

I've tried in the past but he never understands it. *sigh* I don't think he ever will. I don't know whats happening with us but I do know I'm so scared to lose him. I know I haven't always been...well it's not important.