workEmotional exhaustion, thy name is Emily.
Between the D drama, a field trip today, almost realizing I have 3 half days left as a teacher, not having a job next year yet, the impending visit of an unwanted 'friend' (overshare? oh well), the missing of wanted friends, and the incredibly cute slideshow at the graduation tonight ... I'm DEAD. There is not a single tear left inside this teacher's body. Not possible for my eyes to be any heavier.
It was less the slideshow and the fact that my beloved 6th graders are leaving (and believe me, that's hard. I have come to LOVE that class, and they love me, too. It was the songs they picked for it int he background. Vitamin C's graduation song OBVIOUSLY everyone graduates to, and I DID have a camp connection to it, but that was okay. It was when "Lean on Me" came on that I lost it; that song to me IS Rolling River. And I miss camp so fucking much right now. And then some song about 'do I make you proud?', and then OF COURSE, they ended with Good Riddance ... the version where he says 'fuck' after messing up 2x. Oops; they didn't realize he said fuck? I JUST SAID FUCK. FUCK. (so tired!)
Thank G-d for Shelley, though. We went out to dinner after I was a sobbing mess at graduation. She is a really good friend. I called Nicole while I was waiting for her, and that always makes me feel better, but talking to Shel in my driveway ... she's so great. She told me that the way I talk about my kids/job reminds her of working with Karen, the Pre-K teacher. What an amazing compliment. She thinks it's unfair that someone like me got cut when someone like Nancy or Cynthia are tenured, but don't really care about teaching. They're tired and maybe burnt out, but they're still here, and I've got so much to give, and I'm up the creek.
The trip today was good, despite it not being the original plan. Only E showed up, so we COULD have gone swimming. Nichole called but it took a turn for the worse; I'm afraid D is back in the hospital because she was on the phone with me 2x this morning and she was in a really bad, stressed-out place. I need to do something for her; like call one of the restaurants and get a meal for 5-6 ppl sent to her house so it will be one meal accounted for that she doesn't have to pay for because she doesn't get paid enough. And I wish I knew how to do more for her.
"So, you're crying because the light from the projector got in your eye?"
"Not even going to pretend that's true".
(Later)
"You pulled it together"
"WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IT! (tears up)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why I work with young kids and love every single minute of it:
(talking to Blaze, one of the twins who showed up wearing identical dresses in dif colors)
Me: I don't wanna spoil your evening, but there's someone else here wearing your dress!
Roxy (her twin): Really?!?!
As I was leaving, I got giant hugs from Levin and Andrew (of all people!), with Lev even throwing in an, "I'll miss you".
And as I was leaving, I got screamed at from the playground by a group of 6-8 kids. Who then RAN across the field to come give me 'one more hug', and then AGAIN as I left, they were screaming goodbye to me. Emma, Laura, Sam...and Bennett. Why Ben was there I don't know, but it's nice to know I am back in his good graces again :).
Between the D drama, a field trip today, almost realizing I have 3 half days left as a teacher, not having a job next year yet, the impending visit of an unwanted 'friend' (overshare? oh well), the missing of wanted friends, and the incredibly cute slideshow at the graduation tonight ... I'm DEAD. There is not a single tear left inside this teacher's body. Not possible for my eyes to be any heavier.
It was less the slideshow and the fact that my beloved 6th graders are leaving (and believe me, that's hard. I have come to LOVE that class, and they love me, too. It was the songs they picked for it int he background. Vitamin C's graduation song OBVIOUSLY everyone graduates to, and I DID have a camp connection to it, but that was okay. It was when "Lean on Me" came on that I lost it; that song to me IS Rolling River. And I miss camp so fucking much right now. And then some song about 'do I make you proud?', and then OF COURSE, they ended with Good Riddance ... the version where he says 'fuck' after messing up 2x. Oops; they didn't realize he said fuck? I JUST SAID FUCK. FUCK. (so tired!)
Thank G-d for Shelley, though. We went out to dinner after I was a sobbing mess at graduation. She is a really good friend. I called Nicole while I was waiting for her, and that always makes me feel better, but talking to Shel in my driveway ... she's so great. She told me that the way I talk about my kids/job reminds her of working with Karen, the Pre-K teacher. What an amazing compliment. She thinks it's unfair that someone like me got cut when someone like Nancy or Cynthia are tenured, but don't really care about teaching. They're tired and maybe burnt out, but they're still here, and I've got so much to give, and I'm up the creek.
The trip today was good, despite it not being the original plan. Only E showed up, so we COULD have gone swimming. Nichole called but it took a turn for the worse; I'm afraid D is back in the hospital because she was on the phone with me 2x this morning and she was in a really bad, stressed-out place. I need to do something for her; like call one of the restaurants and get a meal for 5-6 ppl sent to her house so it will be one meal accounted for that she doesn't have to pay for because she doesn't get paid enough. And I wish I knew how to do more for her.
"So, you're crying because the light from the projector got in your eye?"
"Not even going to pretend that's true".
(Later)
"You pulled it together"
"WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IT! (tears up)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why I work with young kids and love every single minute of it:
(talking to Blaze, one of the twins who showed up wearing identical dresses in dif colors)
Me: I don't wanna spoil your evening, but there's someone else here wearing your dress!
Roxy (her twin): Really?!?!
As I was leaving, I got giant hugs from Levin and Andrew (of all people!), with Lev even throwing in an, "I'll miss you".
And as I was leaving, I got screamed at from the playground by a group of 6-8 kids. Who then RAN across the field to come give me 'one more hug', and then AGAIN as I left, they were screaming goodbye to me. Emma, Laura, Sam...and Bennett. Why Ben was there I don't know, but it's nice to know I am back in his good graces again :).
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